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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask my husband to do the washing up?

21 replies

ThroughTheRoundWindow · 01/09/2011 20:35

He keeps cooking and the pile of saucepans is just getting bigger and bigger! I usually don't mind (much) cleaning up after him, but now he is just cooking for the fun of it and I know I'm going to come down to breakfast tomorrow to be faced with an enormous mess!

How do I nicely ask him if he'll wash up and wipe down the surfaces?

Or AIBU to want the kitchen left in the same condition as he found it???

OP posts:
LRDTheFeministDragon · 01/09/2011 20:41

Hmm, that's tricky - I know I end up cooking for the fun of it at times and it's pretty easy to persuade myself it counts as work and my DH should 'do his bit' by clearing up ... I guess you point out if he's doing it often and you feel you always get lumbered with the less fun bit (ie. the washing up)?

Tuppence2 · 01/09/2011 20:42

Not sure if I'm missing something, but why would you need to "ask him nicely if he'll wash up"? Surely he is a grown man and capable of cleaning a mess he has created?

DialMforMummy · 01/09/2011 20:42

Well if he is doing the cooking, I think it's fair for you to wash up.
Provided he bakes nice cookies...
Seriously, I cook, DH does the washing up. I think it's fair.

AuntiePickleBottom · 01/09/2011 20:42

yanbu, perhap teach him the wash up as he goes trick.

failing that buy him a dishwasher

Shutupanddrive · 01/09/2011 20:42

Does he wash up when you cook or do you clean up after yourself?

PfftTheMagicDraco · 01/09/2011 20:42

YANBU.

If he is not cooking dinner for all, and just faffing around, then he should clear up.

YellowWallpaper · 01/09/2011 20:43

I think part of cooking is clearing up as you go along, obviously there will be some mess left at the end which can be shared out but I think your dh is unreasonable to leave you with a huge pile of cleaning up. So just be honest and tell him how you feel. Its all about open communication

AuntiePickleBottom · 01/09/2011 20:44

but thats only because he is cooking for fun....if it was for the family dinner then you should do you bit

DoMeDon · 01/09/2011 20:45

YANBU - there is a diff between the 'you cook, I wash up' agreement and Dh having some cooking fun and expecting you to clear up. Explain that and sit back with some Wine

Yama · 01/09/2011 20:45

See, this is why I cook.

Mind you, it's all hands on deck until the kids are in bed and then we both relax.

So, I don't know if YABU. I'm not keen on jobs, just everyone muck in until everything is done.

MinimallyNarkyPuffin · 01/09/2011 20:49

Dishwasher. They're worth it in time saved on dish related arguments/resentment alone.

Pan · 01/09/2011 20:51

It's a male thing in cooking - we love to make as big a mess as possible. I do it. Not really sure why. But yes the trick is to clean up as you go along - when rice/pasta/potatoes are cooking it gives a 10 min window to look around and get rid of the debris.
no YANBU.

AuntiePickleBottom · 01/09/2011 20:51

not always, we now argue who is going to load/unload it lol

harecare · 01/09/2011 20:53

I don't understand "cooking for fun". Surely all coking results in cooked food.

Is he eating his meals separately from the family? In which case if he is choosing to cook separately after you have cooked and washed up the family meal he can clear up.
If he is cooking your joint meal once the kids have eaten then it would be nice if you did the clearing up.
If he is making biscuits/cakes that everyone will eat then the washing up is up for grabs by anyone, but he ought to clear as he goes and leave very dirty things in to soak.

strictlovingmum · 01/09/2011 20:55

This is the reason why my Dh is not allowed anywhere near the kitchen, his food is not that nice to justify, me clearing the mess in the morning, when all I want to do is have a nice cup of tea in peace.
Rule, if you want to do cooking, you clear after yourselfSmile

MinimallyNarkyPuffin · 01/09/2011 21:16

AuntiePickleBottom, that's what the DCs are for.

whackamole · 01/09/2011 22:47

Whoever cooks dinner, the other person washes up.

If you cook for fun (I do sometimes - baking mainly as otherwise it would be a meal!) then do the dishes yourself.

OH has finally been trained in the art of 'not leaving dishes and pans in to soak for over a week'. Took some time, but we're there!

BrawToken · 01/09/2011 22:49

If he wants to be a chef, 'clean as you go' is essential. Chef's learn that before they learn to chop an onion...

kerrymumbles · 01/09/2011 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strictlovingmum · 01/09/2011 22:56

No use in teaching my Dh "clean as you go" every pot, every saucepan, every utensil, and every inch of the work surface is clattered and covered in order for him produce simplest of the dishes, I can say million times, don't use metal slotting spoon on the non stick, and he still does it, it's much easier to repel him out of the kitchen all togetherGrin
Don't even start me on soaking, over night, sometimes over a week, until it rust.

blackeyedsusan · 01/09/2011 23:58

impressed at whackamole's training technique...

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