to say that everybody makes assumptions based on appearance

[Hullygully]

If you saw a woman dressed in floaty beads and patchouli with Indian sandals and a whiff of the hemp, would you think her likely to run the Bank of England?

No.

We all make assumptions. It is not the same as judging.

It is plain daft to say that appearance counts for nowt.

I have had it many times, when I had a gut instinct about someone the first time I met them (e.g. didn't like at all), which was later proven to be true.

Feminine/Foopuss - sometimes the fact that you are nice, normal, down to earth, bright as well makes it worse for some people. Some people just can't stand people being lovely and joyful. Just carry on being yourself, don't try and make them like you.

It took me a good while to realise you can't get on with everyone. Nor should you bend over backwards to try to.

tyleperion that's really interesting! glad i'm not alone as it really does get to me

i do try and make a conscious effort to smile too but it seems 'fake' and it can be upsetting as in real life i'm friendly once you get to know me. (am only a mardy cow on here )

I have always been seen as forbidding and ferocious. Me! Sweetness and light itself. So my sympathies are with your df, Tye

OP, St Ives isn't very far from here so I see several examples your "hemp" woman every other day, especially when the emmetts are flocking (hempwoman hibernates in winter)!

And yes, very few of them seem to be Bankers! :)

He took a course with dale carnegie called "winning friends and influencing people". Apparently it was my mother who finally dragged him to it after listening to him getting so upset about his negative reviews at work. He thought it sounded absolutely ridiculous with a lot of mealy-mouthed management jargon - but it apparently turned out to be very common sense stuff similar to acting training, and has been really helpful to him ever since, not just in work situations.

I know he used to be very shy, so it was hard for people to get to know him and see how lovely he is. I also think his shyness came across as either arrogance or boredom. He said at first he had to "act" happy to come across as happy - but eventually it became second nature - and now he is not at all shy

Anyway, just some input as to how projecting yourself is not limited to your clothes, accessories and hairstyle - even things as simple as facial expressions and body language can be changed if you want them to change.

I used to see a guy in the pub after work most nights, (ex worked in the pub, we would pick him up) always in a super-smart 3 piece suit, looking immaculate. I always assumed he was a lawyer or someone really important. Turned out he worked in the suit shop.

that's proabably a really good course, lots of money though :(

First impressions are usually accurate IME. I was brought up not to judge, to give people a chance (and another, then another). I was brought up to suppress my instincts re people, and as a result I am very bad at judging them.

Which is probably why I attract loosers and psychos.

Now I am learning to trust my instincts. To go by that 'gut feeling'.

I am an excellent judge of character I think. I would rate it as one of my best skills.

I know that people who look clean cut and smart are not always to be trusted, and I know that people who look a bit scary or scruffy are often lovely and gentle and intelligent and kind. But I still judge on appearance because I wouldn't be human if I didn't.

I am an excellent judge of character and can always tell when someone is lying. I don't know how or why, it is just instinct. It is not always helpful.

I am working with someone I have no reason to mistrust and yet I cannot believe a word she says.