to say that everybody makes assumptions based on appearance

[Hullygully]

If you saw a woman dressed in floaty beads and patchouli with Indian sandals and a whiff of the hemp, would you think her likely to run the Bank of England?

No.

We all make assumptions. It is not the same as judging.

It is plain daft to say that appearance counts for nowt.

Yes, Boffy!

Abs :o

I think we need our assumptions in order to have any kind of predictability and function more or less smoothly. Hence why the breaching experiment works, no?

I also worked for 20 years as a fashion model ...I am obviously a bitch.

I think that if you are a 'good looking' woman you must work twice as hard to prove you are actually alright with other females.

I have lost count of the times I have been told "oh you are SO down to earth ,I didn't think you would be like you are at all"

People do make assumptions.

I am exceptionally grateful I was born slim and photogenic ...but it can sometimes be hard...especially when you are trying to get to know people.

i try not to judge as people assume i'm a right miserable bugger as my face always looks fed up, even when i'm dead happy

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=world%27s+smallest+violin&um=1&hl=en&safe=active&client=safari&sa=X&tbo=d&tbs=isz:m&tbm=isch&tbnid=4yTU1RLFTkVqcM:&imgrefurl=apotential.wordpress.com/2011/08/09/to-the-airport/&docid=AJ-vl6fJCnMDsM&w=422&h=422&ei=nqJfTrWxMofA8QPN5cG1Aw&zoom=1&biw=1024&bih=690" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ahem...

YANBU. You are spot on. Very occasionally you would be very, very wrong, but not often enough for it to matter much.

What would we assume about him?

Hello Fello! How ya doin? Are you all glistening hot with little bits of sand stuck to you and a camel on standby?

He's currently not at work/in public?
He's just had a huge meal?
It's the mn who was pregnant?

I think YANBU that instinct takes over and you have an immidiate impression on someone upon meeting them. But being a grownup means realizing that first impressions are rarely correct and that you are just seeing a random snap shot in their life.

Assumptions and prejudices are always bad on MN. Calling it your "instinct" automatically makes it good.

I think first impressions are often scarily accurate. Sometimes you change em for a while, but then months/years later you realise they were right.

YANBU... we're making judgements about our environment all the time. It's basic survival stuff to go with first impressions because sometimes that's all we've got. The scowling, hoodie-wearing, tattooed bloke coming towards us with a big stick might well be a kindly off-duty vicar, taking his old nan's dog for a game of fetch..... but the first instinct to give him a wide berth is probably a smart move until we get a few more details.

Of course we always have some first impressions. But we need to look deeper than that.

My late brother had a small holding in the country. Salesmen called a lot.
From experience he found you had to ignore the smart suit and the cheery manner. And try and find out what sort of a sales person you were dealingwith. By asking a few questions; not by giving them a full Freudian couch interviw.

chill1243 funnily enough that complete fuckwit Gabbyloggon had a moron for a late brother as well!!

YANBU. We all judge on appearances, probably some basic survival instinct to decide if the other person is a threat or not. Teens dress similarly to their friends to form their own tribes, and I guess adults do it too. I know that when I go to events I will always think about what I'm wearing, and notice that there are tribal elements too - for instance country fairs are full of women in tweed and Dubarries.

Even within my workplace there are certain clothing items/styles of dressing which are particular to certain roles/departments.

I think as long as we realise that we are judging solely on appearances and accept that we may have to change that judgement when we get to know the person, it does no harm.

But that doesn't mean we'll assume you are related.

Oh, he's related all right. ..... trust me

I'm still a little interested in the full Freudian tho, I must confess.

If it's a member of Gabbyloggon's family, I expect you'll find the poor salesman is regretting visiting the small holding (sic), and is still on that couch and hidden in a secret room somewhere...

southeastastra my dad actually went on a course to solve this problem. When he was young lawyer he was constantly getting negative reviews, and his subordinates were afraid of him, particularly when he was trying to give constructive feedback and people thought he was pulling them up on things solely because of his facial expression.

This really upset him and he eventually realised that what he thought of as his resting, neutral face was actually a forbidding frown to everyone else. He had to actually be trained to smile - he said at first it felt like a rictus grin but immediately things improved. He said at first he felt like a total fraud, especially when he was practising smiling in the mirror, but then realized that the course was just about helping other people see "the real him".

I'd give anyone turning up at my smallholding in a suit both barrels Gabby Chill.

It's the only language these local authority bean counters understand.