to say that everybody makes assumptions based on appearance

[Hullygully]

If you saw a woman dressed in floaty beads and patchouli with Indian sandals and a whiff of the hemp, would you think her likely to run the Bank of England?

No.

We all make assumptions. It is not the same as judging.

It is plain daft to say that appearance counts for nowt.

Velvet- i totally agree with your work colleague. Assumptions can only be made within your own knowledge or understanding, i find those that are the quickest to make assumptions or stick by their initial one are the people with the least knowledge.

When pushed they generally know very little.

The first part of learning about human nature/psychology/counselling, works on removing your assumptions/prejudice and teaches you how to think, reason and question yourself to remove bias.

of course

I agree, Foopuss. I'm fat and ugly and people automatically assume I am stupid. People always look shocked when I tell them I am a teacher.

I think I cross the line into too-unattractive to have a brain I don't dress smartly either.

Thanks, Foopuss. Ironically, I am quite judgemental too

There's an old lawyers' joke (the joke is old, the lawyers not necessarily) that judgmental sits at the [insert name of nearesttown] County Court.

Not in the best of taste, but then lawyers don't do jokes in good taste. That of course is an assumption which is where we came in.

I think most people judge others on all sorts of things. Few admit it because being judgemental is seen as something bad.

I definitely do.

You have to use your judgement about people though, part of everyday life. Different from being overly judgemental. If you find yourself being overly judgemental, try some compassion instead.

YANBU

and welcome back from Hullyday

I agree.

Though some people's assumptions are based on very little at all and definitely become more judgey than anything.

I know I got a fair few bad reactions when I was regularly gothed up. Some of them were really bizarre!

Watcha Abs.

Abs you took my holiday gag.

Hully was on Hullyday?

So what are the assumptions based on? And why?

If you sat on a commuter train and found yourself seated opposite a middle aged man in a slightly, only slightly, older suit, with a bright tie, a red face and short hair, sitting with his legs apart and reading the Telegraph, what job would you assume he did?

Hully Well someone assumed that as I was a goth I'd put a curse on them. I feel that was based on very little

i am always surprised when I meet some of my son's friends - lets say the sort of people who look like they wouldnt be out of place selling the Big Issue - they are without exception polite, well spoken and nice to talk to

maybe i should be more accepting that my son is a good judge of character

An intellectual clown?

I find that gothy looking teenagers always help me with my buggy on the bus, without fail they come and politely ask if I need some help!

Interesting. I see this every day in a slightly different way. DS1 is 12, looks entirely 'normal', but is severely autistic (can't talk at all). So he can be standing there looking very normal/unnoticeable when he'll suddenly do something very out of the ordinary (such as stick his head in a strangers open car boot to check their boot lights out - he only looks, doesn't touch them or the car). And some people really struggle with that, they seem unable to come up with an explanation for his behaviour (i.e. he has severe learning disabilities) because he doesn't 'look' like he has SLD's. So the reactions we get vary, from people who seem to clock it anyway (and are then rather amused), to people who get very cross and angry and those who remain completely and utterly confused. If he was more visibly learning disabled I suspect the reactions would be different.

This is sort of similar, not really about appearance, but about expectations and assumptions and difficulties when those are breached:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breaching_experiment

Pinot - use it or lose it sorry!

Yeah, I was quite annoyed at the school run thread in S&B. As per uzh, and probably more than usual actually, people piled in with the whole "you shallow bi-atches, is this all you think about?" and (my personal favourite) "what's wrong with just going in mum jeans and a fleece". Just as bad - you're assuming that someone's shallow and has little on their mind because they discuss clothing.