To complain about this health visitor.

[Freddiesfling]

Hi all- would really appreciate some sound advice.

I have 2 children the youngest being 6 months.

I also have a very close knit group of friends all with children roughly the same age whom I met when my oldest child was a baby/toddler. We regularly go down to our local clinic to get the babies weighed and if we have the odd minor concern we like to seek the health visitors advice (this isnt very often!!).

Today we went down as normal- I wanted to get my dd's birthmark checked as it was changing shape and we decided to get the babies weighed whilst we were there.

As soon as we got there one of the health visitors came up to one of my friends and said '' why do you feel the need to get your child weighed fortnightly- you can see by her that she is absolutely fine!
She then went on to say ''I think its sad that you use the clinic to socialise you should go home and use your own houses''.

My friend was too shocked to respond as was I and so we upped and left immediately ( I didnt even get my dds birthmark checked).

We are never at the clinic for longer than 15 minutes and as some of my friends babies arent gaining as much weight as they should so they go fortnightly to get their children weighed- one of these children has gone from the 98th to the 9th centile so my friend feels the need to get her weight closely checked.

We now feel we are unwelcome at the clinic, that our concerns dont matter and that we shouldnt try to be sociable to others whilst we are there. I for one treated the clinic as a lifeline when my son was first born as I have no family and friends here due to a recent move and was openly encouraged by the health visitors at the time to sit down with a cuppa and have a chat. They still provide a sitting area for parents with toys for the babies and children to use.

I also dont see why she had to insult us by calling us ''sad''

Shall I leave this matter or formally complain.

Thanks

If you don't need to see an hv and are only there to see friends then it IS a social visit which can take place in a cafe/toddler group or similar.

Our baby clinic doesn't even recommend getting healthy babies weighed as often as once a month past the 6 month stage. HV love the baby clinics but they are stretched so thin that perhaps they think there are other uses of their time/focus than seeing the same babies every other week? I'm sure if on the days you had concerns you popped in they'd be happy to see you?

who cares? social or otherwise - new mum - help? i only have that contact each week and if u r the idiot behind me thinking she takes too long - f* off - i need this - maybe u dont so u shud do one?

But Flowerpot, there are other places - Surestart, baby massage, baby rhyme-time, playgroups: all kinds of things you can access if you don't actually need to get your baby weighed for health reasons.

And the OP isn't quite in the same boat as you as it sounds as though she has a support network in place outside of the baby clinic, so don't take people's replies so personally.

I think it was suggested every 3 months to us past 6 months! I don't see why you are so keen to get your baby weighed all the time. Certainly if a group of 5 mums were turning up every week/every other week I'd find it irritating too.

It sounds like you have excellent support in your friends. Most people don''t have a group like that that they see all the time. I'd just accept they hadn't publicised well the need for less frequent visits and it is hard to tell someone not to come politely, that you were visiting more than is needed but now you know you won't need to...and move on! No big deal.

Thanks but where i am - tiny village we only have the weigh in - it is a life line and the sure start clinics only have girls who are so so much younger - the weigh in is the only chance i get for a break - they are there for a reason - to help new mums - so use them??

She couldve been nicer but I think she was right, in essence.

Dd is 11m I think I've had her weighed 4 times ever. I understand, from experience with ds, that its different if baby has weight issues though tbh I felt like I went they said 'he's not gaining enough' and that was it, no advice or anything.

OP I think you've unfairly been given a hard time here.

The main bits of your post are that you had a legitimate concern about your daughters birthmark that you wanted to discuss, that one of your friends has a child who does need a close eye kept on her weight and that none of your group ever stay longer than 15 minutes at the clinic, which markets itself as a 'place to meet other mums and make friends.' So it's not as though you loll about gossiping for hours while the HV's act as unpaid babysitters is it? Fifteen minutes sounds about right to wait your turn, strip off, weigh and dress a baby, get your paperwork up to date, speak to the HV about any concerns and leave.

I would have loved to meet a group of friendly mums at our baby clinic, especially ones who had been through the early stages and could offer a lot of help and advice.

Our HV's really tried to encourage people to stay at our clinic but sadly most didn't. They gave great advice and they were always really pleased if they could say to someone "X went through that with her LO. X come and tell so-and-so how you managed!"

Busy or not, that HV was rude to you. If she felt she had to say something to you then she should have waited until afterwards. Because she just assumed she knew why you were there and she was wrong.

She might not be there to provide a social meeting place but she is there to help families with their concerns about their babies health, and today she failed to do that for you and your friends by dismissing you before you had chance to discuss the birthmark or have the baby with the weight issues weighed.

Flowerpot don't use that disgusting term. There's really no need.

I agree that the HV has very poor communication skills. I am not sure about a formal complaint as such as the way HV services have been cut and the workload for individuals have been increased they must be under pressure.

If the Weigh-in clinic wants to restrict its numbers for eg. to newborns, first time mothers etc. They have to communicate this clearly to the potential users of the service. Otherwise they should welcome all comers and make gentle suggestions instead of putting people on the defensive through implied criticism. Did the HV expect the woman to react well to her words?

Flowerpot - the term "retards" is offensive so please don't use it

If you wern't being loud and turning it in to a coffee morning etc, she was well out of order and I woudl complain

Life's to short! Go to HV when you need to. Socialise elsewhere. Why waste time complaining? What would it gain you? Nothing! and you would probably feel even worse about attending the Health Clinic.