To complain about this health visitor.

[Freddiesfling]

Hi all- would really appreciate some sound advice.

I have 2 children the youngest being 6 months.

I also have a very close knit group of friends all with children roughly the same age whom I met when my oldest child was a baby/toddler. We regularly go down to our local clinic to get the babies weighed and if we have the odd minor concern we like to seek the health visitors advice (this isnt very often!!).

Today we went down as normal- I wanted to get my dd's birthmark checked as it was changing shape and we decided to get the babies weighed whilst we were there.

As soon as we got there one of the health visitors came up to one of my friends and said '' why do you feel the need to get your child weighed fortnightly- you can see by her that she is absolutely fine!
She then went on to say ''I think its sad that you use the clinic to socialise you should go home and use your own houses''.

My friend was too shocked to respond as was I and so we upped and left immediately ( I didnt even get my dds birthmark checked).

We are never at the clinic for longer than 15 minutes and as some of my friends babies arent gaining as much weight as they should so they go fortnightly to get their children weighed- one of these children has gone from the 98th to the 9th centile so my friend feels the need to get her weight closely checked.

We now feel we are unwelcome at the clinic, that our concerns dont matter and that we shouldnt try to be sociable to others whilst we are there. I for one treated the clinic as a lifeline when my son was first born as I have no family and friends here due to a recent move and was openly encouraged by the health visitors at the time to sit down with a cuppa and have a chat. They still provide a sitting area for parents with toys for the babies and children to use.

I also dont see why she had to insult us by calling us ''sad''

Shall I leave this matter or formally complain.

Thanks

she didn't say that they were sad.

she said it was sad that they needed to use the clinic to socialise. and i can see how she may have meant that in a "it's sad that there is nowhere else you can go" kind of way. and it is! I think that provision for people with young babies is really lacking in most areas. plenty of toddler groups etc but not much for people with little babiues.
i think meeting up at home is a great idea. you get to chat longer, drink tea, eat cake... lovely! (i do just this btw... meet up with the same group of people every weds for the last 6 years!)

it isn't liek she just turned round and said "god, you lot are so sad, stop wasting my time and piss off" is it?

Hi thanks for all your advice. The morning clinic we go to is rarely really busy the clinic is split into morning and afternoon sessions with babies over 4 months going to the morning session. We dont all go fortnightly I average once every 3 weeks. The thing is when my son was little 3 years ago we were encouraged to stay and socialise, they often had people coming in to give talks about weaning, safety etc and would tell us to stay as long as we liked as they knew the importance of being with people in the same boat. Some of these healh visitors are stil there but he one who was very rude to us is fairly new. We arent cliquey and only go in small groups when it isnt busy. I appreciate what everyone is saying but she was very rude

'it isn't liek she just turned round and said "god, you lot are so sad, stop wasting my time and piss off" is it?'

arf ...but that's what she was thinking

My HV was incredibly patient with me getting my PFB checked every two weeks, but told me with my second that I really shouldn't bother.

Oh just to add we socialise together frequently and often go to each others houses so arent using the clinic for our sole social needs.

It's different with first babies. They are encouraging you to set up the support network you have indeed set up. Now they want you to use that rather than them.

As a HV myself I think it's sad that she felt you were all "sad". Sometimes clinics are the only places a Mum meets other mothers. That is a sad reflection on local communities sometimes.
I would never dream of asking a Mum why she was attending clinic frequently unless I thought she had something she wanted to discuss. I love seeing familiar faces in clinic and in watching the babies grow into toddlers. It's one of the nicest bits of my job and I try and do at least one clinic a week ( and if possible the same clinic each time).
IF it was a sneering remark I'd be complaining formally. Not nice to be made unwelcome - the whole point of the clinic is for people to drop in and there are no restrictions. I've weighed loads of 3,4 & 5 year olds in clinic over the school hols. None of whom had a weight problem but their Mums wanted to get an accurate weight. No problem with that.

Thank you dillydaydreaming for your valuable insight. Much appreciated.

Do we think that Heath Visitors and clinics have:

(i) All the time and staff in the world
(ii)Are under resourced and strapped for time?

If you believe (i), then YANBU. If you believe (ii), then YABU.

Being under-resourced and strapped for time isn't a good enough excuse for being rude IMO.

Our local baby clinic is held in a community centre with loads of toys for the kids, healthy snacks, playdough and songtime with some hvs and scales at one side of the hall so people DO go there to socialise. I very rarely used to get the kids weighed as there was never really any concern with their weight.
If it's more of an in and out set up where you go though I can see why they might not want people using the place as a toddler group when there are mums who need medical advice/bf support or whatever who have to wait to be seen while babies whose weight doesn't need monitoring get weighed.
The hv could maybe have been a bit more tactful but to be fair it's difficult to say 'don't come unless you need to' in a nice way.

Not ideal that she was a bit rude. I don't think you should complain. I see her point of view.
Yabu to not get the birthmark checked whilst there.

6mo babies don't need weighing that often unless there is an underlying health issue. HV's are there for people who need them, not as a bloody social club. If you are concerned about your sons birthmark then go on your own and ask her without a herd of post natal mums with you.

Maybe she was a bit rude. Maybe she was also sick of the bloody sight of you and wondering why you're there all the bloody time?

Health Clinics are not really places for socialising unless that is part of their remit.
If you have a little group of you that go why don't you agree to meet at each other's houses each week and form a little coffee group. I use to organise coffee groups for new mum's in my area. Or try a toddler group, children's centre, the NCT, a Local Parenting Network or meet in the park. Only go to the HV for health issues or concerns not to meet up with friends.

Resources are tight these days. So the HV may have felt you & your friends were wasting their time. No offense.

The only 'window into' a babies world that child protection (and other services) has is through HV's etc, so i dispair at her comments.

The system was supposed to be ran so that children under 3 were seen often and then went to Surestart. It hasn't been funded enough, but that doesn't mean that anyone should be discouraged from using any of the services.

The clinic is on for set times so you not being there should not free her up for home visits, if anything it makes home visits not necessary, if anything comes up from the GP.

My team is situated in a Children Center with the HV's etc, we beg people to use us.

"The only 'window into' a babies world that child protection (and other services) has is through HV's etc, so i dispair at her comments."

The families that this generally applies to are often the ones that would not attend a Health Clinic on a regular basis. Hence, the importance of HVs going out to homes.

I think if you felt offended by the way she spoke to you, then you should complain.

BUT.....I do feel that she has a point and you are probably going too often.

Is it possibe they are stretched? I know weare actively disouraged from the clinic once the baby reaches 6 months. She was rude..but if some of the group are coming when their babies don't need to its hard for the clinics to give their time to those with newborns.

Birthmarks should be looked at by doctors. Your GP is there for things like this and there are stay and play groups to socialise at.

We are advised that babies are weighed too frequently (lots of research to support this) as we pick up lots of variations in weight and sometimes end up stressing about otherwise healthy babies just having a lull in growth.

If parents ask I suggest once or twice a month max.

If a parent asks when they should bring a baby again I suggest waiting at least 2-4 weeks if the weight gain is normal.

On the other hand I always stress there is no wrong or right and sometimes parents return the next week if their baby has not fed well or they want to chat.

Nobody should be made to feel unwelcome.

It sounds like she handled it badly but she may have a point. Going to a standard clinic once a fortnight with babies over 6 months does seem a little OTT. The HVs probably have admin work that they could be doing if the clinic was quiet so it could be a bit difficult having groups of older babies coming in unnecessarily and regularly.

If the clinic is in a Surestart or similar it is a bit different. Plenty of people at my local Surestart used to go to the clinic and then on to one of the groups or classes.

They probably don't expect to be 'hosting' mums of older babies in the same way as they do with newer mums. By that age most groups of mum friends have developed their own routines and are meeting at playgroups or soft play or at each other's houses.

weigh child yourself? nonsense. I agree with HV get to coffee shop

I agree with HV too. If you go once a fortnight or so, she's probably sick of the sight of your faces and the sound of your voices!

She will have women with newborns who need to be seen, babies who have been born prematurely who have ongoing issues as a result, babies who are failing to thrive for one reason or another (and if this is an issue for one of your friends, she should go alone), and mothers who have genuine concerns.

At 6 months you shouldn't be going to the baby clinic that often. It's completely unnecessary.

She's probably been biting her tongue for weeks!

It sounds like they were happy that you used the place as more of a drop in centre when the babies were small, but the team now want to sort of 'move you on' - maybe to make room for others, maybe because they're stretched, maybe because you're being a teeny bit PFB having 6 month old babies weighed every week.

However, that message could have been passed on in a kinder way. There was no need to be rude.

Arf at The system was supposed to be ran so that children under 3 were seen often - yep and maybe if the system worked like that my DS SN would have been picked up sooner (not having a go at Dilly, obviously)

I'm sure the health visitor really meant that she thought you were all taking your babies to be weighed far too frequently and that you should be thinking of making your social gatherings somewhere else. Have you got a local children's centre? Or perhaps a cafe you could go to?

When DD was a baby I had to take her every 2 weeks to be weighed, as that seemed to be the norm with our health visitors. It was a chore, and I didn't like it. There was usually a room full of mums just sitting around chatting. There was no order to when we were seen, and it could take up to an hour to get seen, due to people just sitting around chatting and not moving on when they'd finished. They seemed to use the HV clinic as a place for social gathering.

When DS was a baby, the rules had changed. The HV said she only needed to see him once a month, and the room was usually quiet with just a couple of other parents waiting to see the HV. I think this was a much better arrangement. The HV said if we had any concerns about anything then we could ring her to make an appointment at any other time.

So I think YABU for taking your baby to be weighed so often and for using the HV clinic to meet your friends. Find somewhere else to go. YANBU for feeling upset that she told you off like a child though, and for making you feel uncomfortable about going back with a genuine concern.

YABU - HV is right. I wonder if one of the newer mothers has complained. If I was a new and stressed mother I would be really annoyed to have to wait for longer than I needed to because a group of people were using the place as a meet up.
You may also be stopping the newer mummies forming their own support network if your group is particularly dominant. Are there other mothers sitting quietly while you wait? Do your group talk to them?
We have had this prob with a baby group - the older mothers are reluctant to move on from the 'security' it gives them and can be quite cliquey and it really puts off new people who need support from coming along.