A conservatory as a wedding present?

[OrganicFreeRangeBoys]

I've been invited to a wedding, a lovely couple who have been together quite a few years.

They have had a rough time with housing in the last couple of years but have recently moved into a lovely little house, even if it is a bit small.

For the wedding gifts they have written that as they have lived together a while they don't need any household items but if people wish to get them a gift they would really appreciate a small donation to their "conservatory fund"

Now I don't have a problem with this, it will give them more room to work with around their small kitchen/diner and it's something that I assume they will get good use out for many years to come.

Another friend, also invited, is outraged at "the cheek of it" and is insisting that she will buy them a set of cutlery to show them that she doesn't approve of their conservatory fund.

I honestly don't see the problem and think this friend is being childish and quite mean to a couple she is supposed to "best buds" with.

So who is BU? The wedding couple for asking for donations, the friend for being outraged/buying cutlery or me for not seeing a problem with it and thinking that this friend is actually being horrible and rude.

You sound a bit bitter Lachesis
It would appear people can't do right for doing wrong. If they say they dont want anything they are lying and pushed to give suggestions, if they ask for money they are greedy if they have a present list they are being pushy. Exactly

If you don't need anything, then you don't need anything.

I don't have a problem with lists, tbh.

But they do need/want something but that need is something that one person isn't going to be able to buy them (unless they have very rich friends!) so why is it wrong for everyone to chip in for one great item?

I don't have a problem with lists, tbh.

So if instead of asking for money they went to b&q and did a list of pieces for the consevatory that would be ok? its all the same damn thing at the end of the day surely

No, no it's not the same thing. People can go off-list and get them cutlery or charity donation.

Requesting money makes it clear the only gift they deem of value is cash.

So charge admission and be done with it.

Why is it? It is basically saying what they would prefer so how is that any different to having a list and someone deciding to buy them a 10th toaster go off list? If you want to get something different nothing is stopping you!

You seem to be looking for a problem that isn't there. They have a list it reads something like

-Nothing

• £1

-£5 -£10 -£20 -£50

But saying "If you want to get us something we would like money" cover it without the need of the list!

I don't think a person would be annoyed if someone went off list, it's when people deliberatly get you something you don't want to teach you a lesson when its a bit shit.

I think asking for money for a specific thing is completely different from just asking for money. Just asking for money is crass and weird. Asking for a contribution to something that one person couldn't buy for them anyway and which is really wanted and will be appreciated is much more sensible than making up a list of things they didn't really want in the first place just to keep nutty people happy. We did this one Christmas after we first bought our house. We'd seen a really nice but expensive rug we wanted so we asked for vouchers for that shop instead of other presents. The rug is still in our living room five years on, still looks lovely and we think about the kindness of everyone who gave it to us all the time. It was given by pretty much the whole family, which is really nice.

threads like this on mn make me so - i honestly didn't know till i joined mn how mean and bitchy most people are and that most people don't actually love their friends and want them to be happy, their not happy for couples getting married and do not want them to have a gift they like.

thankfully, somehow i have been insulated from this all my life by generally being with nice people. we got married last year, we said we really didn't need anything for 'setting up home', but if people really wanted to buy us something we'd appreciate ethical travel vouchers.
those who wanted to, bought us some, those who didn't want to didn't, some friends bought us other stuff they knew we'd like... as far as i know nobody was offended or upset... and this year we're going on a once in a lifetime trip to trek in the andes - shared memories that will last a lifetime.

i am happy to buy a gift for any friend of mine getting married - in fact, getting a friend a gift is FAR more important than getting myself a new dress for the wedding - and i am happy to celebrate with them, if i can, or say sorry i can't come, if i can't.

Oh, it's no problem. I don't hang out with grabby people who are crass. If I get an invite that has a greedy request for money, I decline the invite.

I would imagine the people would be quite happy with that if that is your attitude towards them to be honest!!

So precious, Sirzy. I detect the scent of Bridezilla in the air . . .

Sounds a great idea to me, our conservatory was built latter in married life as a play room and it's an absolute godsend. Far more useful than some fancy pots.