AIBU or PFB with DM?

[travispickles]

I have, after much delibrating, decided to let DM look after my 7mo DD for a few hours on a Friday while I am back at work. This is after she has begged to have her Friday afternoons (she is at nursery in the morning and I originally wanted her to stay all day). My reservations are due to a number of reasons - namely that she was a pretty crap mother, very narc and she has a tendency to be very mad whirlwind like, but not in a good way iykwim.
Anyway, I went round to hers the other day and pointed out that she must get rid of all the little ornaments on the floor, as DD can crawl now. She said "yeah yeah, I will do that". I then told her that she cannot leave the baby on the floor unsupervised. She thought I meant about the dogs, so she said "I have a door gate". I then pointed out that if she leaves the room at all she has to strap her into her buggy, as she has no elecric point covers etc. I never leave her unsupervised, but we have a travel cot that we use as a playpen. I suggested that she get one (that I will pay for) and she refused, saying she wouldn't leave her. When asked what she will do if she needs the loo, she said "But I won't go to the loo". As I mentioned, my DM cannot sit still and likes to do 3 or 4 things at a time so I find it hard to imagine her not leaving the room at all in 3 hours!
Then she showed me the buggy and car seat she had been given. I need to mention now that DM is very parsimonious and loves to have a freeby. I was OK with the buggy - it is only for a few hours a week so I can see why she wouldn't want to spend much, but the car seat was in a terrible state. I said that I wasn't happy with the car seat for a number of reasons - but namely the safety issue. Not to mention that it is a forward facing and is for babies of 9kg+. Having listened to me explain that I wasn't happy about it, she agreed but then took the car to Halfords and got it fitted in her car. The following day she came round and I admit I was really pissed off about it. I think my (over)reaction was down to a couple of things - being very tired, but also that I have a number of issues from childhood and I am really unsure about her ability to look after my baby the way I want her to.
I suppose this is my question - how much can I demand that she does things my way?
Just to add, I then went round again the following day to clear the air, and in the time I was there she was holding the baby and the baby grabbed a piece of paper and had a mouthful before I realised. She then walked down the garden holding her whilst carrying a hot cup of tea. I pointed out that I don't walk around holding the baby and hot drinks, and what would she do if she tripped. She laughed and said "I'd throw the drink away". AIBU? Is that OK? Am I being very PFB? (she then asked when she can start giving the baby tea. I mean WTF? Was that normal in the 70s? Is it still happening now??!)
Sorry for the essay!

I think everything's okay, more or less, except the carseat issue. But if you aren't comfortable, keep her in nursery.

Thanks all! Yes Captain, but as someone pointed out, it is different when you as a mother do it and when you are looking after someone else's. If nothing else, I have had 7 months of mentally weighing up situations in terms of hazard over necessity.
I think maybe the paper thing was unclear - it wasn't so much the (soluble) paper that bothered me. It was the fact that she had managed to pull it off the table and put it in her mouth for quite some time whilst my mother was holding her. It could easily (in her very very cluttered house) be something more dangerous next time. Also - in the space of the half hour I was there she had systematically refused the playpen as unnecessary, not witnessed the paper eating, carried her whilst carrying a freshly boiled cup of tea and so on. I think it is clear that as Antidote said, she thinks that the fact that she had 3 children many moons ago means she will be fine but her house is just not baby-proofed at all.
Thanks Strikeuptheband - you have hit the nail on the head there. People do seem to be getting caught up in the minor details (it really isn't as much about electric sockets as all the other stuff.)
Anyway - much appreciated all, it has helped me to work out in my mind what I want. :)

I think you are being a bit PFB to be honest - you said in your post above that "normal life isn't always compatible with looking after babies". Well, it is pretty normal to have babies and look after them, and carry on with your life - lots of women do it!

Having said that, you would obviously not be happy leaving her with your mum, and so it is absoutely your right to put her in a nursery. It seems as though you have a bit of a choice on your hands - Keep your mum happy and leave PFB with her, but worry the whole time, or risk upsetting your mum but be reassured that your baby was safe in a nursery. Only you can weigh up which is most important to you.

This is not a criticism of you because you are obviously a caring mother, just that looking at it from her perspective she wouldn't have required all the gadgets we have now lol! "No' used to be the way to deal with unwanted paper eating/ ornament touching etc! No socket covers at that time

The thing is, she is in a very different place now than she was 30 years ago. For a start my DDad left her for someone else, which has made her a bit flakey. She still thinks she can do 100 things at a time but she is nearly 60 and tends to overdo it.

The thing is, you're not saying that your mum can't see your DC, just that you'd prefer DC to be in nursery for a full day ,rather than have half a day being babysat by your mum. Your mum still has the chance to see your baby, just with you there too. Your mum isn't going to miss out on time with her grandchild if you don't leave her in charge of the baby.

I agree that a full day in nursery is probably best. Even logistically, your mum would probably pick DC up at lunchtime, when most babies nap- she'd then not get to play with the sleeping baby (or else would keep the baby up, possibly creating a cranky baby situation for you to deal with later).

""No' used to be the way to deal with unwanted paper eating/ ornament touching etc! No socket covers at that time "

Yes, but you have to be there to see these things so that you can say no!