to ask ds's dad to contribute towards a new bed for him?

[superv1xen]

ds is 5 and quite small, so he has been managing in one of those toddler beds since he was about 2 1/2 (think they are about 3/4 the size of a single bed and a bit lower)

me and DH (not ds's dad) got him a new full sized single bed and mattress this weekend, luckily my friend donated the bed for free but we are going to have to buy a mattress which will be about £50 - £60 for a decent one, and i have sent DS's dad a message to ask if he would be ok to contribute half towards the mattress.

i feel a bit cheeky asking him though and wonder if its normal for NRP's to contribute towards these kind of things? he does pay maintenance but not a huge amount.

what do people think?

YABU, but I think you knew that when you posted...

If you get maintenance and child benefit YABU im afraid. Thats what people without an ex partner tend to rely on.

Actually significant optional school trips might be the only thing I would consider asking (not demanding) xp to contribute to outside normal maintenance arrangements as that is a choice. Maintenance is designed to cover the essentials and maybe a joint design on an optional luxury like that might make the difference between them going or not. Even then I think that is a grey area and i don't actually know what I would do until I am actually in that position.

i love how this has made the front page :o

yeah tbh i know myself its a bit cheeky, as i said in my OP

but as niceguy said, if ya don't ask, ya don't get ;)

he hasn't replied yet, i will update if when he does....

Yes, 'if ya don't ask, ya don't get'

But surely asking for cheeky things is just going to put a strain on your relationship with your ex?

If you keep asking purely because 'if ya don't ask, ya don't get'....sooner or later you'll ask for something you really need and he'll probably just think you're being a cheeky mare again.

Not to mention could possibly make him feel absolutely crap if he genuinely cannot afford to pay the extras you ask for and has to say no.

Hmmmm be carefull with the cheeky and dont ask dont get - could back fire and him end up feeling your are taking the mick. That situation I think would end up only one way him paying as little as possible and him spending the money on DD at his house instead.

Sounds like the situation between you is quite good dont mess that up over £30 here and there your DD would benefit much more from parents that are not at war :)

He is probably struck dumb at your cheekiness.

Has no one noticed he is PAYING LESS THAN THE GOING RATE?

I think the ex is the only "cheeky" person on this thread

The OP appears to be happy with the amount he is paying, and its only less a tenner a week.

Going rate? Then it's op fault for not going to csa to get full amount!

But he helps out with school uniforms etc...

I agree Misty. He'd be a whole lot worse off every month if she were to go all out to get him to pay the maintenance he should be paying. And so what if supervixen has the money to go on holiday - the child's Dad should still be paying the "going rate" to support his child regardless of what her income is.

I think that the NRP should be responsible for half of the true cost of raising the child. It doesn't matter whether they live with the child or not. I would even go so far as to say the nrp should pay more than half if the resident parent was a sahp during the relationship and so made career sacrifices that the nrp didn't have to make (if they both agreed during the relationship that one person should be a sahp).

I wouldn't have asked for the bed tbh, because it is furniture for my house, but I would ask for proper maintenance.

I ask ex to contribute to most of the ds's expenses, school trips, uniform etc, which he does, but I wouldn't ask for money for furniture in my own house.

You are being cheeky.

If she didn't bother sorting out the 'going rate' with him, that doesn't give her the right to bleed him as and when she feels like asking.

Why not? It's only one request and maybe he'd rather chip in the odd £30 for something like this occasionally, than being £40 worse off every month. It's not exactly bleeding him dry, she's doing him a favour by not pursuing the full amount of maintenance.

I think OP is being tight tbh, she already got the bed for free

Something else the op says.... my dh pays a lot towards him anyway, buys him clothes, shoes, treats etc

That's probably why she doesn't need the 'missing' £10 per week, what with all that and her Child Benefit etc.

Something else the op says.... my dh pays a lot towards him anyway, buys him clothes, shoes, treats etc

That's probably why she doesn't need the 'missing' £10 per week, what with all that and her Child Benefit etc.

worra new dh wouldn't need to if the ex paid what he's meant to.

The NRP should still be supporting the child, regardless of the new husband's income.

i betcha any money if OP had posted this situation, but from the perspective of a NRP's new DP, saying "DH's ex is asking for money towards a new bed for DSC, how dare she, the grasping cow, etc etc" most mners would jump upon the OP as being VERY U. just saying :o

He's paying £480 a month less than he should be. I think it's fair to ask for a contribution to school uniform (which you do) and one off expenses like this.

A year!