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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think Bs at GCSE are ok?

808 replies

catwalker · 28/08/2011 21:31

Some issues with DS and GCSEs/6th form. He didn't get the grades he was predicted (As and As) but then I didn't expect him to as he doesn't put much effort into anything apart from his x box. He got mainly Bs, a couple of As, a couple of Cs and a couple of Ds. I was quite happy until I started reading the secondary education forum where people are tearing their hair out because their dc's didn't get straight As and may have blown their oxbridge chances. I get the impression that anything less than an A just isn't worth the paper it's written on. He could have done loads better but Bs are OK aren't they?

OP posts:
Yellowstone · 02/09/2011 12:35

Ouch sieglinde.

I think it can be quite hard to recover from using the word 'passionate' in a PS. At least for History at Oxford. The rest of the PS seems to have to be a tour de force. Synonyms fare little better.

On the Xenia/ generalising from the particular/ binmen ex-con and now Durham front: an old friend of ours was banged up not long ago for a number of years (not white collar crime); he was very popular in our day at Durham....

Malcontentinthemiddle · 02/09/2011 12:41

Yellowstone, can I hijack a moment and ask what the law competition was that your children entered? I have a dd who's interested in reading law (she's only year 10, non-urgent) but it would be good to know about these things!

AryaStark · 02/09/2011 12:42

Grin at grovel's DS. Brilliant!

What a minefield it is these days, though. DD (lovely but not super-academic) will just have to marry money get a practical job. People will always need female driving-instructors and she likes cars so perhaps she could start her own school?

Yellowstone · 02/09/2011 12:55

Malcontent it was the Magistrates' Court Mock Trial Competition and they went on to do the Bar National Mock Trial Competition. They were both lawyers for their team. But it's a school team thing, not individual - England, Wales and N.I. though, not Scotland.

The Citizenship Foundation organises it; all the info is on their website.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 02/09/2011 13:01

Thank you!
Dd's school has only recently got a sixth form, so I don't know if they'll be doing anything like that just yet, but it's the kind of thing worth knowing about and raising, I hope.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 02/09/2011 13:03

ah, too late anyway - just seen you have to be year 8 or 9!

Yellowstone · 02/09/2011 13:05

Y9 for Magistrates', Y12/13 for Bar.

Malcontentinthemiddle · 02/09/2011 13:11

Ah, hope again! Thanks for the info, I hope there'll be a chance dd can do this in a few years time - it looks really good, and congrats to your dc!

cat64 · 02/09/2011 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Xenia · 02/09/2011 16:57

Also bear in mind half the people at the best law firms don't do law degrees. My oldest didn't read law and to an extent that was tactical as she wanted a fairly idle (in work terms) university time but at somewhere fairly good. It seemed to work in her case although I would have preferred her to have a go at Oxbridge as the school were suggesting a college that takes those who are dyslexic or did when she applied and they wanted her to try but that would have been too much work for her apparently. Laughing as I type.

Yellowstone · 02/09/2011 18:49

And also bear in mind that though it's not a prerequisite for a TC at a MC firm or even at other good firms, it is, if properly taught, an incredibly varied and rigorous subject which will stand a graduate in good stead for all sorts of other interesting jobs.

Indeed for a Law PS it's a good idea to avoid saying how much you're chasing money and material reward and to at least claim that it's the pure intellectual air of academic law that you want to breathe. Lots of academics look down on those who've sold their soul to the Commercial Law devil.

Xenia · 02/09/2011 19:19

Yes, one issue we had was the girls trying to down play hobbies like show jumping because of left wing (supposedly) lecturers who might take offence. It's an interesting psychological issue presenting something in a way that will appeal to those who will be deciding your fate in the right way. Then one had a hall application form too (which actually in terms of her life and friends and perhaps even work has ended up almost as important as the university entrance in the first place amazingly) and there it seemed almost the converse applied. I remember having a look at her application for that too.

befuzzled · 02/09/2011 20:23

What is meant by "locked out"

Why would they be happier at notingham or durham?

exoticfruits · 02/09/2011 22:11

Did you mean my comment 'locked out'? If so I meant that once they are there parents will get no information at all about progress etc from the university-even if you phone up and request it you will not get anything.

Xenia · 02/09/2011 22:27

I remember a thread by a parent trying to find out if her daughter had left university, I think it was Oxford and not even being able to find that out, which is pretty rotten and not really in most adult children's interests.

exoticfruits · 02/09/2011 22:33

She most probably didn't want her parents to know-otherwise she would have told them. My brother left university and went off so that my parents couldn't persuade him back. The university wouldn't discuss it with my parents-the most they agreed to do was hold the place open until they had talked to him.

QuickLookBusy · 03/09/2011 08:01

When my DD started uni last year, she had to fill in a form about parental/guardians getting infomation/being contacted by the uni.

She had to give permission for her tutor to speak to her parents, if they felt it was necessary. I can't remember the full details, but I'm sure it was along the lines of if the uni felt concerned about the student, they wanted permission to speak to parents. I remember I was very pleased when she gave permission, I can imagine many 18 year olds saying No!

Xenia · 03/09/2011 08:10

May be a parent should broker a deal with their child that they will fund them at university in retun for the child giving the consent to the university for contact which Quickl's child was asked to give. I think most parents don't want to interfere but if your child is depressed, gone down to 6 stone, or not attending classes or disappeared or hospitalised the parent should be told.

exoticfruits · 03/09/2011 08:51

I think it is a bit of a dangerous slope-I can imagine that parents would want to know, but I can see that it would put off many students from seeking help if it wasn't confidential.

Yellowstone · 03/09/2011 08:59

You'd be straying into the breaching doctor-patient confidentiality. Generally one would get signals from lack of contact/ gloomy sounding contact if there was a problem.

As a parent you'll be likely to pick up quicker on health issues than the uni would if you keep in reasonably regular contact, even in a collegiate uni. You know your DC.

On the purely academic front, there's no justification for parents to pester tutors, it's appropriate on that front to have a blanket ban.

Yellowstone · 03/09/2011 08:59

the breaching of

exoticfruits · 03/09/2011 09:07

I know parents who are fighting it because their DS was failing and committed suicide and they didn't know any of it, including the fact he had seen the doctor because of personal problems.
I have every sympathy -but can see that students may be deterred from getting the help they need if parents were to be informed.
When my brother left, he went off to the depths of Scotland for 2 weeks because he knew that my parents would talk him out of leaving.

QuickLookBusy · 03/09/2011 09:20

I think it is just the uni trying ot cover themselves from all angles. As exoticfruit says there have been awful cases where students have been in an awful state and parents have known nothing.

Thinking about it the forms are a bit of a waste of time, my DD and I are close so I expect she would let me know anyway if she had problems, hence she didn't mind signing the consent form. If you don't tell your parents nearly everything, you aren't going to sign a consent form, or even make your parents aware that such a form exists.

exoticfruits · 03/09/2011 09:27

Exactly QuickLookBusy. In the sad case that I was talking about he chose not to talk to his parents, he had successfully hidden the fact that he was failing. He was also at home when he committed suicide. It was very sad because they were very caring parents who would have supported him-had they known. I can see why they want information, but I really think that it would have deterred him from seeking any help at all. It is a tricky one-certainly not cut and dried.

Yellowstone · 03/09/2011 09:55

DC these days are much easier to keep an ostensibly casual track of these days: Facebook, e-mails, mobiles etc. When I was at uni there was nothing, no way for parents to keep track - contact was entirely in the student's gift.

The consent on the form can be revoked at any time too, so even if the box is ticked at the outset there's no guarantee that it will stay in place for the duration.

It's very difficult to get it right. Especially when it's the time to try and give a DC proper freedom and let go.

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