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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

lost child

82 replies

devonshiredumpling · 27/08/2011 21:50

i was clothes shopping yesterday and coming out of the shop felt a little hand grasp mine (my two were at a local theme park with my dp) . this little girl looked up at me and started really crying i asked her where her mummy was and i shouted at the top of my voice is this child anyones ( i had plenty of witnesses) and this woman came over and scowled at me as if i was a lunatic the look she gave me was of pure poison . granted she did not know me she had lost her child but she did not even say anything to me .AIBU to expect a quick thankyou for alerting her

OP posts:

scurryfunge · 27/08/2011 21:52

If she had thanked you it would have been an admission that she had lost her child.No one would ever admit in public they had no knowledge of where their child was

YouDoTheMath · 27/08/2011 21:53

I've wondered about this sort of situation before. Of course if you came across a lost child you't want to protect and help it - but you run the risk of being implicated.

I think the woman was probably startled that her child had wandered off, and embarrassed that someone else found her before she did.

MadamDeathstare · 27/08/2011 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingIn · 27/08/2011 21:54

Try not to get annoyed by it - people react weirdly when they're embarassed or scared.

worraliberty · 27/08/2011 21:57

She could have been in absolute shock and annoyance too (annoyed with herself)

Or of course she might have just been very rude.

I was in my local Morrisons yesterday and a girl of about 19 or 20yrs had left her handbag on her trolley (wide open...purse on display)

I looked around to see who it might belong to and then tapped her on the shoulder (she was a good 7ft or so away with her back to it) I asked her if it was hers...she said "yes" so I said "Oh, it's just that your bag's on it and your purse is on display...there's been lots of thefts lately"

She cut me dead and walked off with her trolley. I assumed it might have been because she was shocked at herself...but then I bumped into her again at the til and she still didn't say a word.

mankymink · 27/08/2011 22:00

YANBU. No matter how embarrassed or scared or awkward, if it happened to me I would most definitely say 'thank you', or say anything.

To give you a dirty look, say nothing and walk away with the child is a bit odd. Although if you yelled out "is this child anyone's!!!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of your voice she may have been a bit intimidated. As well meaning as you were, of course

cheesesarnie · 27/08/2011 22:01

i think if i lost my child id also momentarily lose my manners.

catsareevil · 27/08/2011 22:05

I dont think you can expect anything in that situation, tbh.

Groovee · 27/08/2011 22:08

When my daughter got lost I thanked the couple who brought her back. You are grateful in that situation but some people just don't have basic manners.

OneOfTheBoys · 27/08/2011 22:14

You should of course get a thank you but if embarrassed (am guessing they were because you raised your voice and therefore people would be looking) then her manners must have momentarily deserted her...or she just didn't have any

Was at a car boot sale and this little boy came and held my hand, all lost. Popped him on my shoulders so he could look out for his parents, and they could see him, and after 25 long minutes his grandmother wondered up, "oh there you are", no concern, no thanks [shrug]

TheEarlOfDoncaster1963 · 27/08/2011 22:34

I would be over the top with thanks - I have lost my children for literally seconds before and been panicking, and been hugely effusive to the people that were looking after them and gave them back. It's so easily done, and everyone knows that horrible panicky feeling when you can't see them...

KnickersOnOnesHead · 28/08/2011 00:31

I lost DS in Tesco Saturday. I shit myself. He ended up being upstairs, shoving someone's trolley. I scowled, took his hand and said 'I think you will find that is my child' and stormed off

bubblesincoffee · 28/08/2011 00:39

yanbu.

I have had simelar situations a couple of times, once in a theme park and once when a child wandered out of the school playground on to the road.

Neither time did I get a thankyou, but I think that manners are probably the last thing on a parents mind when they have just aged ten years in the space of minutes when losing a child. The mum at school did thank me a couple of days later, but at the time it happened she was in such a state that I really couldn't hold the lack of a thankyou against her.

AgainWhen · 28/08/2011 01:23

YABU

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 28/08/2011 01:25

YANBU

The time I returned a lost child the mother burst into tears and hugged me. That was a bit OTT actually but no excuse for being rude.

BrawToken · 28/08/2011 01:32

A lady brought my daughter to me in sainsbos today. She had seen me with her earlier, then I went to look at the clothes while my teenage dd looked after her at the magazines. This lady practically dragged the wee one to me by the hand while dd1 was WTF?? Some people are so doo-goodery it's unbelievable.

It really pissed me off.

And I am a social worker

ZonkedOut · 28/08/2011 07:02

at teenage DD being dragged back.

YANBU, a thankyou might have been nice. I once saw a little girl, about 2, wandering around crying for her mummy. I held her hand and kept her still, in the basis that I didn't know where she had come from, so I didn't want to take her further away. Sure enough, a minute or so later, her mum came and took her, thanking me profusely.

I can understand being a little shocked, but rudeness may deter someone from helping out in future.

ragged · 28/08/2011 07:12

I dunno, did you have to shout at the top of your lungs? When shouting was your tone of voice along the lines of "Where the fuck are you negligent mother don't you realise I have hold of your child & I could be an axe-wielding maniac pervent for all you care, you dozey bint!"?

Can you be sure the child hadn't run off willfully and was still in the mother's sight the whole time? I can't comment without those details.

belgo · 28/08/2011 07:15

'devonshiredumpling' a similar thing happened to me, I found a very small child (probably 2) outside of a shop, I took her into the shop, alerted the shop assistants (who didn;t do anything), walked around and then she saw her mum, who was stood there looking at clothes, completely unaware that her child was missing.

She didn't thank me either, just looked vaguely surprised.

JambalayaCodfishPie · 28/08/2011 07:24

The last time we were at a Haven there was a toddler wandering around crying for her Mum. Everyone was ignoring her. She was REALLY, obviously distressed.

I took her hand and led her up to the DJ box (this is the 'done' thing) and just as the DJ was about to announce the lost child, her Mother came running up, grabbed her and shouted "Dont you dare say I lost her, dont you dare!" at the DJ.

She then turned round to me and said "I could see her, I could!!"

Of course you could love.

mumofsoontobelawstudent · 28/08/2011 07:52

I 'misplaced' DD2 aged 4 a week ago at a local farm park. I had taken her and DS to get a drink and some snacks and told her to stay with me although she was wanting to go to a play area which I'd said we'd go to when we had the drinks. Whilst queueing up she disappeared. DS and I walked back towards where she had wanted to play and she was there with a lovely lady who had called a member of staff. DD had gone up to her and said she'd lost her mummy! The lovely lady was asking her what mummy looked like and what she was wearing when I appeared. Although I was of course upset that DD had wandered off I kept thanking the lady and saw her a few hours later and thanked her again. I would never have been rude to her and cannot understand why people would although in some cases I suppose shock does funny things to us.

DD now knows that she is NOT to wander off, no matter how tempting a play area may look and she should try to remember what I am wearing

mummymccar · 28/08/2011 08:12

A similar thing happened to me a couple of months ago actually when I was in a big city centre public park. I noticed a little girl who seemed to be on her own walking down a very secluded path next to a very deep & fast stream by herself. I went over & asked her if she was lost, she said she was she wasn't sure where she had come from so I decided to keep her there and the other people I was with organised a search party looking for the mother and several members of the public got involved. After 30 minutes somebody said they recognised her from being with a group sat by the picnic area. They were still there so I took the little girl over to see if it was them. It was and as soon as she saw them she ran over. Not one member of this group (who could see her with me) even acknowledged her. When I explained what had happened they said they hadn't even noticed she was gone (she was one of only 2 children in the group and it wasn't big enough to not notice she was gone for that long) and didn't even thank me. I was so shocked that they just didn't care at all and as soon as we walked away she walk away again! In my case I'd rather they'd shouted at me so that I knew they cared!

BarbarianMum · 28/08/2011 08:22

I am horrified by some of the responses on this thread .

I once lost a toddler ds2 in Marks and Spencer. When a man found him (hiding under a rack of mens suiting) and returned him to me I was so, so grateful and thanked him profusely, in between shaking (me), berating ds2 and hugging him.

Why would anyone be embarrassed to lose a child? It can happen in the blink of an eye. And why wouldn't you thank the person who returns them? Madness.

BarbarianMum · 28/08/2011 08:23

That is, I hugged ds2. But I would probably have hugged the bloke who'd found him if my arms had been freer.

Dylthan · 28/08/2011 08:25

I lost ds in a bookshop when he was 3 I started running around frantically trying to find him and then saw him with a member of staff it must of only been about a minute from me turning my back on him to him being found with the member of staff but it felt like the longest minute of my life.

Anyway I went running up to the member of staff and grabbed him off her and started hugging him and telling him how worried I was and how he should never wander off. The member of staff interrupted me talking to ds to say well the least you could do is thank me before telling me what an irresponsible parent I was and what could of happened to him.

I felt awful and cried for days every time I though about it.

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