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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

lost child

82 replies

devonshiredumpling · 27/08/2011 21:50

i was clothes shopping yesterday and coming out of the shop felt a little hand grasp mine (my two were at a local theme park with my dp) . this little girl looked up at me and started really crying i asked her where her mummy was and i shouted at the top of my voice is this child anyones ( i had plenty of witnesses) and this woman came over and scowled at me as if i was a lunatic the look she gave me was of pure poison . granted she did not know me she had lost her child but she did not even say anything to me .AIBU to expect a quick thankyou for alerting her

OP posts:

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 29/08/2011 11:26

I bet she interpreted it as a criticism of her, and that's why she had the arse on.

You yelled "Is this child anyone's?"
She heard "Who is the totally irresponsible parent who has let their child wander around? I am sarcastically asking if this child belongs to anyone or not, since they don't appear to be being looked after"

defrocked · 29/08/2011 11:26

Even the nasty policeman who thought our ds(autistic) was being neglected and wanted him kept in hospital whilst the social workers were called. ..... but he had found my son who was next to a very busy road and I was so thankful. I said thank you to him and his nice partner about 20 times.

nasty policeman? no just a policeman doing his job, protecting a very small child found alone by a busy road. Have a read of the many posters who have found a child and the parent hasnt given a shit. For all the copper knew, you could have been one of those useless parents too

Debs75 · 29/08/2011 12:07

defrocked he was someone with no experience of autism who couldn't see past the fact my 7 year old was in a t-shirt and nappy. He thought that in itself was neglect.wtf? The fact ds was so distressed that he started smacking me and dp made this policeman think we were neglecting or worse abusing him. Smacking was ds's default mode when upset, he needed to let me know he was upset at being picked up by a policeman, had his scooter taken off him and them taken to his least favourite place . His junior partner had seen kids with autism so had some insight and actually listened to us aa we discussed with him our son's disability. The junior policeman was nice but I still thanked both of them for keeping him safe which is the point I was making

NotQuiteSoDesperate · 29/08/2011 12:39

A bit off topic, but I once lost DS2 (who was an absconder) in a furniture shop. We searched all over until we found him...

... tucked up in one of the beds fast asleep!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 29/08/2011 14:32

Exactly, Magnificent.

mamadivazback · 29/08/2011 14:45

I foudn a little girl maybe about 18 months wandering along the main street in town about a year ago, I watched her for a few minutes to make sure there were no adults near her, not one stopped to look or shouted on her so I went over and asked where her mum was and she pointed into a store.

I was just approaching security with her when the mother walked over and snatched the little girls hand before proceeding to call me an idiot because she knew she was behind her... turns out she was in a shoe shop which was about 8 shops down from where I saw her in the first place...

Some people are just morons.

Wants3 · 29/08/2011 14:57

I was very grateful when a couple stopped my son 2.5 wandering any further in a busy shopping centre. It was only for about a minute ( I had turned into a shop and he carried on walking) and when I realised I was able to see him quicker. I thanked them and they weren't judgemental at all.

sickofsocalledexperts · 29/08/2011 15:10

Ever since Jamie Bulger, I always look after and hold on to a child who looks like they are alone or lost, even if I later get evils from a mother similar to the OP's. A small child shouldn't be alone, for however long, and better a trustworthy mum/woman takes the child by the hand than someone dodgy.

CalamityKate · 29/08/2011 18:14

YANBU. If it had been me, I'd have thanked you profusely.

I vividly remember getting lost in town when I was very small. I remember a couple of men asking me where I'd last seen my parents etc etc, and then Mum suddenly descending and whisking me away, having spotted me. I remember thinking at the time that she wasn't very nice to them (my Mum was nice to EVERYONE) - you know, very short and terse. Looking back she probably thought they'd been about to abduct me but I'm sure they weren't; they were ever so kind to me.

MrsDaffodill · 29/08/2011 18:55

Marriedinwhite - we found a kid at Legoland and took him to the shop and handed him over to staff. He didn't speak English. I tried to call the listed (foreign) mobile number on his top first, but it was turned off. I had already watched him walk a long way though, in the direction of the shop, so don't think I made it worse. I had to take him by the hand as while he seemed to trust my voice/tone, he didn't understand words. Sometimes you just act, don't you?

carabos · 29/08/2011 19:11

We came across a lost boy on a mountain in France two weeks ago. He was found by a French climber who was very keen to offload him to us. He was about 9 yrs old and Dutch (as it turned out). We and the French man assumed he had become separated from his parents (language barrier) and took him in our car to find his campsite. He didn't know the name of it, didn't have anything on him with his name, address or contact number and he was very agitated when we suggested taking him to the Gendarmerie. Luckily after about 15 min we stumbled upon his campsite by chance and he pointed to two men who upon questioning turned out to be his teachers. They claimed he must have become separated from the group "about 30 minutes ago" but since we'd had him for 30 mins at that point and the French guy said he'd had him for 30 mins that was a bit unlikely. The teacher also told us that the boy could speak English (didn't seem to understand basic "what is your name and where are you from "). We were very about all that and gave the teacher a lecture about the kids carrying some sort of label in case of such an incident in the future. Mostly we were worried that we had him on our car for nearly half an hour, could have been in Switzerland or Italy in that time and the teacher didn't seem to give a shit was very relaxed about the whole situation.

AliGrylls · 29/08/2011 19:22

YANBU - I have come close to losing my children before and if not for people like you probably would have. I always say thank you. It can be quite hard keeping an eye on two children at once, especially now DS2 is so mobile (at least that is my excuse).

festi · 29/08/2011 19:28

I think you may have made a bigger deal out of this than was needed shouting out, the mum was probably a bit at you for over reacting.

my dd often thinks she is lost when I can see her but she forgets where I am.

carabos · 29/08/2011 19:37

To answer your question OP, YANBU to expect thanks.

MissMississippi · 29/08/2011 20:00

I misplaced DS (2) for 10 seconds when we were on holiday. I shouted frantically for him and a woman asked in local language if I had lost a child. I managed in my poor attempt at the local language and in panic to describe him. She pointed to where he went. I was so utterly relieved when I found him that I said (or shouted) 'thank you' to the woman about 10 times through tears of relief.

YANBU. She was rude to not say thank you. But maybe she hadn't even noticed her child was missing? Or maybe she was just so relieved about the child that she forgot?

Tarenath · 29/08/2011 21:08

You are and you aren't.

I was at soft play today with my kids and saw a child, approximately 3 years old who was calling for "mummy" and looked visibly upset. I went over to her and asked if she was ok. She said "can't find mummy" so I asked her if she'd like to look around the tables and see if she could see mummy. We looked around a bit and found dad who gave her a big hug and said thank you. I then explained that she'd looked upset and couldn't find anyone she recognised.

To be honest, if we hadn't have been able to find her a member of her family I wouldn't have shouted out. Embarrassing for me and for her family! I would have taken her to the entrance and handed her over to a member of staff who could have put out an official announcement.

Definitely not unreasonable to expect a thank you though.

lazylula · 29/08/2011 21:13

I lost ds2 on the beach a few weeks ago and as I searched for him I must have had the frantic mother of lost child look as someone came to tell me that a small boy had gone with a lady in a flowery top and pointed in the direction they had gone. I do not know if I thanked her for the info as I was in such a panic all I know that I did do was run in that direction. As I ran along the promenade, with another friend, another person stopped me and said ds2 was being taken to the ice cream counter. As we got closer (it wasn't actually far away, but felt like miles, probably a 2 minute walk at the most), another lady said he is fine I have left him with the counter staff. I did not really thank her, too desperate to get my 3 year old.
He was fine and once we were back at our place on the beach, I then took ds2 with me and found the lady who had been so good to him and thanked her. I was embarassed it had happened, and so pleased that someone nice had taken care of him, it could have turned ot so much worse. Maybe she was so worried her manners slipped slightly.

festi · 29/08/2011 21:22

I am a bit surprised at those people who would encourage a lost child to move from where they are and take them by the hand and go and look etc etc or find a shop assistant etc. How many times do we tell our children not to go off with strangers.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 29/08/2011 21:23

I'd like to think I'd thank the person who found one of the DCs if I lost them, but I can't be sure I'd remember in the moment. I helped a little boy recently in a busy shopping centre, and when the frantic dad appeared, he didn't say thank you and it didn't bother me. I was just pleased that the little boy was no longer so upset.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 29/08/2011 21:26

I know what you mean, festi, although I've told the DCs that if they're lost to tell a shop assistant in the shop, or failing that, a "nice" [hmmm] lady with children. We've also talked about going back to teh last place that we were all together, but I'm not sure either of the DCs could manage to do that yet.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 29/08/2011 21:27

, obviously, not [hmmm]

festi · 29/08/2011 22:02

I have told dd never to go with anyone ever, and to either stay where she is and not walk anymore if she realises we have been seperated or tell a staff member obviously if in a shop etc. I came across a toddler in a shop once and just followed him around untill I saw a shop assistant, but his mum found him before I managed to alert anyone.

SpeedyGonzalez · 29/08/2011 22:16

I am astonished by some of the examples of rudeness on this thread. Wow.

Well, the OP was in a car park, not a shop or playcentre. So she did the equivalent of making an announcement on the intercom. Nowt wrong with that.

I can see why for some people shock would override manners. I have thankfully not yet lost either of my children but it must be unbearably horrible. You'd be flooded with all sorts of stress hormones and feelings of terror, so I can well imagine that the relief of finding your child must create a sort of hormonal/ emotional combustion effect and manners fly out of the window.

As for the people who were apparently more worried about their public image (the "don't you dare say I lost him" group) than their unbeknown-to-them lost child: . Now that is self-absorption.

SpeedyGonzalez · 29/08/2011 22:19

But festi, you can never get it right; you just have to try your best. Someone may have been watching you following the tot around the shop and assumed you were planning to abduct them. I think the 'find an official person' approach is just as reasonable as the 'do not move child' approach.

festi · 29/08/2011 22:22

im considering it from the childs pov, that it is drummed into them dont go off with strangers and as parents we should model that behaviour.

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