Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like I've failed my son?

108 replies

TheEarlOfDoncaster1963 · 26/08/2011 22:52

x-posted in Parenting too:

He's 6yrs 10m, and I feel like there are so many things he struggles with that his peers seem to do no problem.

  • He can't ride a bike without stabilisers - we took his off as he seemed keen to try, but he fell off once and that was it, he refused to get back on, so now his bike is just sitting in the garage. He went to a cycling party with DH and had to go on a tagalong bike rather than riding his own as he was the only one who couldn't ride a bike.
  • He hates getting his face wet so will cause a huge fuss in the bath if water goes on his face while we're washing his hair. This also means that he can't swim independently as of course he can't get in a decent position to swim if his chin has to be about three inches above the water. He's never jumped in or gone underwater. I took him to a pool party the other day and forgot his armbands, so he spent the whole time in the shallow end with me, wincing every time he got splashed even slightly, and wanting me to 'tow' him around by his arms... meanwhile most of his friends were swimming underwater, splashing each other, having a whale of a time sad
  • He won't go into his bedroom alone if we are all downstairs. So in the mornings I ask him to go upstairs and get dressed, and he won't go unless someone goes with him. He usually gets one of his (younger) siblings to go with him, even the two year old!
  • He's not dry at night yet... he can go four or five nights dry on the trot, but then we'll have two or three wet pull-ups in a row... I know they do this in their own time, but it feels like it's one more thing that he's doing later than everyone else.

He has no special needs as far as I know, he's very intelligent, reads well, has many friends, and does well at school (the only issue he's had is being a bit of a dreamer and having to have instructions repeated - he is like this at home too, but then so is my DH so it's probably inherited selective hearing!). I feel like we have failed him by not making sure he could do these things before now... my DH works long hours and hasn't taken him out on his bike as much as he could've. I don't drive and our nearest swimming pool is 7 miles away so I can't easily get him to lessons. OK, I could take him on the bus but I also have two younger children so that would be really difficult. I feel like he's the odd one out now, thanks to us, and don't really know where to start to rectify it.

Not really asking for advice as such, more having a whinge and a moan, and looking for mums with similar boys, who have turned out OK and not social misfits in later years! I can't really rectify many of these things easily either -- with two other younger children it's hard to find time to go to the park and do intensive bike practice, and taking them all swimming is impossible as none of them are keen on water and all three would cling to us like limpets!

Oh, and I find myself getting really frustrated with him, as sometimes he just won't even try something, so I get annoyed and sometimes even shout, and of course that doesn't help his confidence when his mum doesn't even have patience with him. Sad I feel like I want to rewind to when he was a baby and start again!

Sorry so long...

OP posts:
TheEarlOfDoncaster1963 · 31/08/2011 10:12

Thanks I'll check out that book dixiechick - local library might be able to get it.

OP posts:
MotherPanda · 31/08/2011 10:17

i'm Dyspraxic, so just another poster who thinks it might be worth asking about.

the bike thing, hating water on face, not swimming, being a dreamer, needing instructions repeated, being intelligent and loving to read are all dyspraxic traits of my own!

TheLadyEvenstar · 31/08/2011 10:52

OP, reading your post is very reminscent

TheLadyEvenstar · 31/08/2011 10:52

ffs will start again Grin

TheLadyEvenstar · 31/08/2011 10:59

Reading your post is very reminiscent (sp) of myself 7 yrs ago. I was assured DS1 had no SN and was just slow at picking up ertain things. But also like your DS was very intelligent and reading extremely well etc from the age of 2.5yrs old.

Fast forward to Febuary 2011 aged 12yrs 7m he was diagnosed with Aspergers.

He still cannot swim, is not a very good bike rider, hates water on his face - at least he has stopped screaming when we go to a swimming pool.

Please don't for one second think you have failed your son, a parent who had failed would not be posting this thread!! However do go to your GP or his school express any concerns you have and ask for a referral to the social communications team if you are genuinely concerned.

But most of all stop being hard on yourself - parenting doesn't come with a manuel, its a learning proccess and we never stop learning.

welshbyrd · 31/08/2011 11:18

Ds 8yo is dyspraxic, and finally learnt to ride a bike yesterday. Im so chuffed about it I posted in SN - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/1290654-DS-8yo-has-learned-to-ride-a-bike
I would also suggest getting him tested for dyspraxia, unusually my DS is a very good swimmer, which is uncommon in children with dyspraxia
DS is still in pull-ups at night
Repeating of instruction is a major with DS, only advice for this, is to ask for him to do one task at a time, and make sure he focuses on what your saying
It does not always work though, DS was asked to get clean pants/socks this morning, he end up answering the door with nobody there Confused

welshbyrd · 31/08/2011 11:27

Forgot to say, you have not failed your son.

Im happy to give you any advice about DS and his dyspraxia
Not saying your DS has got dyspraxia, just if you were wanting to know more about it, and daily goings on with some who does.

TheEarlOfDoncaster1963 · 31/08/2011 13:46

welshbyrd you made me laugh out loud with the opening the door thing :) Sounds exactly like mine. I say "go and put this in the bin for me" and he trots out to the loo... I say "where are you going with that?"... and he trots back in looking very confused. "The BIN? In the KITCHEN???" I say, through slightly gritted teeth. Ah! the penny drops. sigh

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread