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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have slowed down and given plenty of space to a funeral procession?

41 replies

create · 26/08/2011 18:20

This happened last week and I'm still unsure If I did anything wrong/right?

I remember when I was young my Dad always stayed behind a hearse and if a he was a pedestrian would stop with bowed head until it had passed.

I was driving to work on a dual carriageway and was overtaking in the outside lane. Belatedly, I realised that the cars along side me were the hearse and mourners', so I slowed to about 50mph and left a space of about 100yd (20secs?) before pulling in in front of them. Before I could pull in however, I was overtaken on the inside by a van, with the driver waving his fist and yelling at me.

If I'd realised what it was I wouldn't have overtaken in the first place, but was what I did so bad? FWIW all the women at work said I did the right thing, the men weren't so sure

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 26/08/2011 18:21

Male here. You were right.

mummymccar · 26/08/2011 18:22

I think you were right. Very respectful of you.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 26/08/2011 18:23

You were right and a decent person. Van driver was an oik.

aquos · 26/08/2011 18:23

I think what you did was the only respectful thing you could have done in the circumstances. The van driver was obviously never taught respect.

ticklebumpkin · 26/08/2011 18:23

DH and I had this conversation the other day.

I think we agreed it was unrealistic and probably a bit dangerous to do it on a dual carriageway.

lady007pink · 26/08/2011 18:25

You were absolutely right OP. The road is always full of d*khead drivers, don't let that idiot bother you. If that was his relation's funeral, I wonder how he would feel if he came across an a*hole like that?

Panzee · 26/08/2011 18:25

I wouldn't have done it halfway through an overtaking manoeuvre. But I can see your point.

thisisyesterday · 26/08/2011 18:27

well, i don't think it would be wrong to overtake a hearse on a dual carriageway. imagine what would happen if everyone stuck behind them?
I don't think it's disrespectful to overtake.

"so I slowed to about 50mph and left a space of about 100yd (20secs?) before pulling in in front of them"

if that's right, and you pulled in FRONT of them, then yes, I think you were in the wrong. if you were overtaking you should have carried on overtaking, not slowed down.
If you mean you pulled in behind them then not a problem as long as you were signalling that you were going to pull in behind them

ticklebumpkin · 26/08/2011 18:27

I don't really understand your scenario actually - you were in the outside lane overtaking and someone in the inside lan undertook you? How could they do that with the hearse in their lane?

thisisyesterday · 26/08/2011 18:29

argh so the van driver undertook you?

he shouldn't have done that. but you shouldn't have suddenly slowed down to 50 in the outside lane IMO

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 26/08/2011 18:30

I think she meant that she slowed down a bit - so not going zooming past a hearse, as a measure of respect - and then went to pull in front of them a very long way in front, instead of the normal gap. but the van driver went in between.

Original poster

create · 26/08/2011 18:31

tickle, he undertook in the space I had "respectfully" left before pulling in.

thisisyesterday, I couldn't pull in behind them, as I was already alongside them, to pull in straight away it would have had to be into the middle of the procession. It's not really a problem to stay behind, there is a very short stretch of this dual carriageway, near the crematorium which is often used by mourners.

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 26/08/2011 18:32

I don't understand either.

You couldn't have been undertaken, unless the van driver over took the hearse, then undertook you..which makes him an ultimate arse.

ticklebumpkin · 26/08/2011 18:32

Hmm.

I think you were in the wrong actually. Unless there is something in the highway code about slowing down for hearses (which I doubt, but happy to be corrected).

kelly2000 · 26/08/2011 18:32

You were right. the van driver was a twat -what is he going to do with the thirty seconds he saved,cure cancer?

Original poster

create · 26/08/2011 18:33

exactly Magnificant, I was probably only doing 60 in the first place, I wasn't in a hurry! and was overtaking very slow moving traffic - I just hadn't realised what it was.

OP posts:

ticklebumpkin · 26/08/2011 18:34

Why couldn't you just stay in the outside lane maintaining the correct speed? Given that you had already started to overtake? Or were you coming off at the next junction?

Original poster

create · 26/08/2011 18:34

That's exactly what happened Lynette

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 26/08/2011 18:35

jury is out for me.

i can understand why people would get pissed if you suddenly decided to slow down tbh.
not that that makes it ok for him to undertake and act like a twat. it doesn't.

but i do think that once you were committed to overtaking you should have just done it tbh

maybells · 26/08/2011 18:36

it was respectful of you i will always give way to hearses and when my oh grandfather died i remember being in the funeral cortège and we had to pull out onto a busy main road, and both sides of the traffic stopped and allowed us to pull out. that road usually you would be waiting ages to go.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 26/08/2011 18:36

I know how you feel. No, you don't need to slow down, but having been in a funeral car myself more than once, it's a bloody awful time and you do notice and really appreciate those tiny little things. It feels like the world actually DOES care that this wonderful person has left it.

No, it's not logical, but being treated like an inconvenience in traffic is horrible. Having people give you just that little kindness, just to say they noticed - it matters.

ChippingIn · 26/08/2011 18:37

create - the other driver was a rude arse - no doubt about it - you'd have to be pretty dense not to realise it was a hearse wouldn't you.

However, whilst I understand what you did - I don't think it's a good idea on a dual carriage way. I think that you should have just over taken in the normal manner once you had started. I don't see why it's any more respectful to slow down to 50 and still overtake.

(I always let hearses and the following cars out, I would never 'go through' a 'whatever the correct name is for the cars following a hearse' or anything, but I think overtaking if you don't realise what you are doing until it's too late is disrespectful).

... and to be honest, on the day the fact that someone is overtaking on a dual carriage way is neither here nor there :( unlike if someone deliberately splits the cars up.

2shoes · 26/08/2011 18:40

don't see the problem with overtaking on a dual carriage way, so tbh sound like you were in the wrong and confused the van driver.
but you should never split them up(we got some wanker doing that on a rounadbout, ffs a hearse and a funeral car are pretty dam obvious)

ticklebumpkin · 26/08/2011 18:41

My dopey cousin (who is a shocking driver) overtook the hearse on the driveway up to the crematorium when our Great Auntie died. That was pretty dumb to be honest.

I had it drummed into me when I was learning to drive that your behaviour should never encourage others to take risks. That's why she kept reminding me you can fail your test for driving too slow. Yes - the van driver in the scenario was a complete arse, but you know, you didn't realise it was a hearse - maybe neither did he until too late. If you had been overtaking correctly you wouldn't have created the situation that caused him to do that.

Yes, I know he is responsible for his own behaviour, but there are a lot of arses on the road, and if you can drive in such a way that doesn't provoke this behaviour then all the better.

kelly2000 · 26/08/2011 18:52

I also noticed the driver was waving his fist and yelling at the driver (a woman), the overtaking could be forgiven if he did not realise, but waving his fist is just wrong.

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