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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re. evicting other people's children from my house....

31 replies

RedHotPokers · 26/08/2011 17:49

after they've been here ALL DAY playing with my DCs.

I just told them it was time to go home, got their shoes, showed them the door (in the nicest possible way) and said their parents were probably wondering where they were - byeeeee!

DH thinks this is a bit rude, and I should have offered for them to stay for tea, or waited for a while to see if they suggested leaving themselves. He thinks they will probably go home and tell their parents I rudely kicked them out. I think that seeing as I haven't seen any of their parents for HOURS, I am not BU to send them home! Also, if I give them tea with my DCs then their parents might not be happy with that (they may have their own dinner planned).

Btw, this was not any kind of pre-arranged playdate, this was an impromptu thing as a result of bad weather when they were all playing out (they are aged between 5 and 7).

So AIBU thinking that normal visitor courtesy doesn't apply to children?

OP posts:

Ragwort · 26/08/2011 17:52

Wow, you are not at all rude - how kind of you to have children around all day. My husband would be seething under his breath so you obviously have a very nice DH .

I often say to 'casual' friends of DS - 'time to go home now' - hadn't even given it a thought that it might be rude.

tabulahrasa · 26/08/2011 17:53

waited for them to suggest leaving??? Has he met children? They might just move in if you did that.

I invite them for dinner if I feel like it, but they have to go ask tehir mother/dinner cook first - otherwise I tell them it's time to go home when I've had enough.

Dillydaydreaming · 26/08/2011 17:53

Gosh no YANBU. I can get the whole street in sometimes (feels like it anyway). After several hours and lots of noise I do politely request that they go home now. Generally they go without too much fuss but sometimes there's a straggler or two

I tend to he nice. I never give them tea unless I've okayed it with a parent first.

Theala · 26/08/2011 17:54

Definitely not rude. Normal politeness rules don't apply to children, as they're generally incapable of picking up on normal social cues. :)

worraliberty · 26/08/2011 17:54

Did you check with their parents that it was ok for them to play in your house?

YANBU it's not rude to ask them to leave when you want them to.

Original poster

RedHotPokers · 26/08/2011 17:55

I wasn't really being kind as such, DD is only 5 so would rather they came here than she went to theirs. DH is quite polite, but to be fair I have been 'supervising' them for most of the day (albeit from a distance) whilst he has got on with DIY. I was desparate for some quiet and tidiness tbh!

OP posts:

kevlarbrassiere · 26/08/2011 17:55

Children aged 5 and 7? And no one came to see where they were?

Surely their parents must have known where they were, I'd be frantic with worry if mine were out of sight for so long!

A couple of hours on a bad weather day is ok with me, otherwise they can all go and play outdoors.

Making them tea too!!! I don't think so. It'll probably end up in a sleepover.

Lunabelly · 26/08/2011 17:56

YANBU. YANBU at all.

I often find myself the unofficial yoof centre and it pees me off quite often. Nothing against the kids, but I like my privacy and quiet, and often find things get trashed due to showing off youthful exhuberance. Plus I invairably end up feeding them and sleepovers are far to common lately.

Some of these kids are out for hours and I find myself ranting at DH that "I could be fecking Rose West for all their parents know, ffs"

So nope, YANBU. IMO.

Original poster

RedHotPokers · 26/08/2011 17:57

Worra - I did wonder about checking with their parents, but they all piled in and said it was fine (and it obviously was as noone came looking for them!). Tbh I cba to go knocking on neighbours doors in the torrential rain!

OP posts:

Original poster

RedHotPokers · 26/08/2011 17:58

They were playing in my garden first, so guess the parents presumed they were here. Noone checked though which I did think was bizarre.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 26/08/2011 17:59

I definitely would have knocked on the door..rain or not.

5yrs is a very young age to take their word for it that it's ok with their parents.

tabulahrasa · 26/08/2011 17:59

oh, I'd have made them tell their parent where they were before letting them in

Fimbo · 26/08/2011 17:59

God no. I got into a vicious circle of this a couple of years ago with a neighbours children. They were in my house most nights and practically all holidays. We event went away one October holiday to avoid it. It all sort of came to a head after I got pissed off about it once too often and the neighbour no longer speaks to me.

create · 26/08/2011 18:01

Not rude, necessary!

I often seem to have a houseful (why are they always here?) I never offer food other than fruit/ a biscuit unless it's pre-arranged. I would assume they will have a meal waiting for them at home. I just tell them it's time to go and although the random children I seem to get are slightly older (9-10) there's never an issue with it, they just go .

Depending on who they are I might get DS1 to walk home with them, so I can wash my hands of them know they've got there and I always ask them if mum knows where they are when they arrive.

lachesis · 26/08/2011 18:01

Was he going to cook the tea and plate it up?

YANBU.

Generallycloudy · 26/08/2011 18:02

No way were you rude to ask them to leave - I bet their parents were delighted you have the patience of a saint and entertained their children all day!!

Also, as others have said I would never offer tea at that age unless it was o.k'd by the parent.

Original poster

RedHotPokers · 26/08/2011 18:04

Children were 6 and 7 (my DD is 5). I did wonder about speaking to neighbours, but am new to the whole 'playing out' thing (cos DD has only just started to), and thought maybe I was being a bit neurotic! kids do seem a bit feral round here .
Kept windows wide open and lingered within earshot just in case parents came a-calling. They didn't.

OP posts:

Twosugarsplease · 26/08/2011 18:05

Hello redhotpokers, I'm with you on this, my house is like a youth club, sometimes it's ok, as it means they are occupied and not moping around, it just always seems to be our house though! I also have a 2 yo so come nap time bed time rules are no friends. My sd friends don't have younger siblings yet they are not allowed in their houses as much I have their dc's here ! I best stop or I'll rant an essay lol. I get asked every night can x sleep, can they have tea ??? I do have to say though after an hour or two 'outside and play ' that it's a lovely day etc, if it's raining I think they should take turns, if other parents aren't as willing I would keep them in.

worraliberty · 26/08/2011 18:08

I suppose you have to look at it like this.

If you'd gone out there today and couldn't find your daughter anywhere, I'm sure you'd be livid if you found her in someone else's house.

Not just livid with her but probably more so with the parents for not asking you?

I know you meant well though

tabulahrasa · 26/08/2011 18:09

I wouldn't go and speak to them, just tell the child to 'go and tell your mum where you are' before letting them inside

Twosugarsplease · 26/08/2011 18:09

Lunabelly..... I lol at your message, it's true though.....your dead right !

Popbiscuit · 26/08/2011 18:10

YADDDDNBU. Some of my neighbours are under the mistaken impression that I am running a charitable summer camp from my home . I have to kick them out at mealtimes etc. but then feel obliged to see them safely home. Grrr....

Original poster

RedHotPokers · 26/08/2011 18:13

Yes, I did mean well Worra !

They both promised me they had told their parents they were over our house (albeit in the garden initially). However, if I hadn't been able to find my DD I would have called out for her in the street (as most parents here do). If the parents had done that today, I would have heard them (windows wide open) and gone out to explain.

OP posts:

Original poster

RedHotPokers · 26/08/2011 18:15

Oh and DH took them home (with umbrella as they had no coats), but didn't speak to parents - left them at their gardens to run in.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 26/08/2011 18:15

Ahh ok fair do's

I'd still be livid about that heart stopping few minutes they'd put me through

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