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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go away for a week with my mum and her partner?

18 replies

MouldyCarrot · 25/08/2011 16:28

My mum's partner came up with the bright idea of me and the kids going to Cornwall for a week with my mum, him and my younger sister. They're paying for a cottage. Sounds good right? but I don't really want to go.

Reason being they are incredibly boring. They'll return home to the cottage by 5pm everynight and sit watching sci-fi or soaps on the tv. My mum is constantly snapping at everyone and taking everything the wrong way. She nags like hell and will spend the entire week doing this:

"Mouldy, are you enjoying the holiday?" "You look tired?" "don't you feel well?" "Do you like Cornwall?" "do you think the kids like Cornwall?" "do you like that bread?" "are you hungry?" "you've not eaten for at least half an hour, are you not hungry?" "You look fed up, are you bored?" - Honestly if you're not walking around with a permanant grin on your face and eating constantly you get this insane nagging.

My sister walks ridiculously slow - I mean, take a snail and give it a downer and you have my sister. It takes FOREVER to get anywhere and so you end up walking so far and then having to stand around for 10 minutes until she catches up.

But then am I being unfair in trying to get out of it because it is a chance for the kids to get away for a week.

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 25/08/2011 16:30

can you can go and do your own thing?

AllGoodNamesGone · 25/08/2011 16:32

Would the children enjoy it and would it be their only holiday?

I miiiiiiiiight consider it if so.

Can totally understand why you don't fancy the idea though.

LydiaWickham · 25/08/2011 16:35

a week is a long time. Could you suggest they take the DCs without you?

Original poster

MouldyCarrot · 25/08/2011 16:37

usualsuspect, my mum will take offence to anything that involves me being out of her sight unless it's to go to the toilet or have a shower. Honestly she finds conspiracies in EVERY action.

Allgoodnamesgone, I'm actually hoping to take them to Cofu in the summer holidays, Cornwall is easter. I feel a little bullied into it to be honest because if I'd have said I didn't want to go, my mum would have gone into a major mood saying I didn't want her and didn't like her husband and liked my ex mother in law better (as thats who I'm going to cofu with) etc etc. It's so bloody tiresome but you end up doing stuff you don't want to do to avoid a fall out. Only this time it's for a full week and the thought fills me with dread.

OP posts:

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 25/08/2011 16:40

I wouldn't go it sounds a nightmare. You are an adult and can make your own decisions about who/where and when you go on holiday.
Would she consider taking them alone, that way you get a lovely childfree break.

DontGoCurly · 25/08/2011 16:45

No way. I'd rather have a fall out than endure that hell for a week. It sounds like your Mums poor DP wants you lot to come as extra human shields to absorb somen of your Mothers fire power!

Don't GO !

AllGoodNamesGone · 25/08/2011 16:54

I think I would say no, then.

Sounds like a nightmare and I would also rather have a fall out now.

diddl · 25/08/2011 16:57

Don´t go then!

I´ve never holidayed with my parents as an adult-& I get on well enough to do it.

Just don´t want to!

Groovee · 25/08/2011 17:14

I went with my parents at the start of July to Yorkshire. The first few days were fine then we realised they were sat from 7am waiting for us to get up and organised and to tell them what we were doing that day :-S

Dh said never again after they left at 8am on leaving day leaving me with the cleaning!

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 25/08/2011 17:31

Do you have your own car?

If you go its on the basis that you as a small family unit will be doing days out (on your own). Make it clear that this is non negioatable. Your children will want to do things age appropriate and get bored quickly (if anythinglike mine no lies there)

She can sulk about this and throw a tantrum but far better to get that out of the way now so the booking can be cancelled if necessary.

Tell her you will need your own space or there may well be murder (well maybe not that bit but you need to be at least a little bit honest).

Original poster

MouldyCarrot · 25/08/2011 17:35

I don't think she would take the kids without me.

Groovee my mum is the same, she can't make her own decisions and is constantly asking "what are we doing next? where are we going after we've been there? what are we doing tomorow? where are we going now? where did you say we were going tomorow again? how long should we spend here? oh and what are we doing tomorow, I can't remember what you said?" honestly the nagging is CONSTANT.

And we also had the same situation as you were we went away for a few days - first 2 days were fine - after that the snapping, nagging, moaning etc started and I couldn't get home soon enough.

Another thing she does is "are you short of money? are you skint? why arn't you buying anything? is it because you have no money?" - no I just don't buy tat!!

OP posts:

Original poster

MouldyCarrot · 25/08/2011 17:38

Doris, that's another problem - I am an EXTREMELY solitary creature. I NEED my own space and get stressed out very quickly if I don't get it. But my mum translates this as "you hate being around me don't you? you're bored? I've done something to upset you?" and on and on and on ---

Unfortunately we'll be sharing a people carrier. My eldest will be 13 so is not going to want to trudge around all day looking at cottages and sheep before sitting down to coronation street on the night - every night.

OP posts:

SageMist · 26/08/2011 09:26

Why would you put yourself through this?

Don't go, neither you or the kids will have a good time if your mum nags all the time and you are gritting your teeth.

GoEasyPudding · 26/08/2011 10:04

This doesn?t sound like a good holiday for you guys. Is there any way you can adapt it so it does become a good holiday for you and your kids?

Can you stay near them and not with them? Can you take your own transport? Can you schedule the days carefully so your kids are happy and just go and do your own thing and say to your mum "see you there later/for lunch"?

If you cant do the above then I would perhaps prepare yourself to say no to your mum. That will be hard.

OTheHugeRaveningWolef · 26/08/2011 11:19

DP and I went to Cornwall in the last week of August last year. It pissed with rain all week, there was fuck all to do, Cornwall was crowded, claustrophobic and expensive and we nearly split up.

CORNWALL IS A FUCKING HELLHOLE. DO NOT GO.

girlywhirly · 26/08/2011 11:51

It will be hell. Say no thanks. Say you can't afford it/ don't like Cornwall/ cottage hols not your thing. Your mum's insecurities aren't your problem, and if you don't all get on well usually you certainly won't on holiday.

You can't be sure of the weather, and being cooped up inside together will be dire.

OTheHugeRaveningWolef · 26/08/2011 12:08

If your mum throws tantrums, then maybe you can use that to your advantage? As in:

You: Thanks, but no thanks Mum.

Your Mum: You hate me! You hate my husband! You're a dreadful daughter! You want to deprive me of time with my grandchildren! O woe is me, I should just crawl off and die, I shall rend my teeth and gnash my hair etc etc...

You: You see, Mum, this is exactly why I don't want to go away with you. You throw a tantrum about the slightest thing and I don't think it'll be much of a holiday for the DCs if the atmosphere is so bad.

Your Mum:

You: You see? The more you do this the less I want to go.

tuxedoprincess · 02/09/2011 11:17

tell her you have another trip planned and need the money for that, sorry.

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