To think DP should cancel today's visit from DD?

[nosexpleaseimpregnant]

My DP's DD is due to visit today at 9am. We normally have her from 9am today until 5pm tomorrow but this week my DP has had to work over night from monday until sunday. Instead of cancelling initially, he and his ex agreed that he would have her just during the day today and take her back early afternoon. Things were sorted at work, his partner said he could sleep from 1am til 6am which would have given him plenty of rest to be able to look after DD. Unfortunately things didn't work out and everything that could go wrong did go wrong, so he had zilch sleep.
I spoke to him at 7am, and he already sounds like he is hanging out of his arse so I suggested cancelling DD as I don't feel it would be fair on her. His answer? I could look after her for an hour or so whilst he sleeps and then his ex could pick her up from me later in the afternoon (she wants him to drop her off after he's supposed to have left for work).
I think this is totally unfair on everyone involved. It's unfair on DD as her day will undoubtedly be shit and boring. Unfair to expect me to look after her while he sleeps. Unfair on his ex to pick DD up from me, I'm sure I'm the last person she wants to be civil to.
So AIBU? Or should I just shut up and see her in an hour?

I don't post much but had to respond to this one!
YABU your attitude seems very odd - why on earth couldn't you spend some time with the child doing something fun, taking the opportunity to build a relationship with her? It was only for a few hours, I really don't understand the problem..............

i also think yabu as well. My ex h works nights and on the odd occasion his lovely gf looks after our dd (as well as their 2 children). It goes without question really, as they are a family and she treats our dd as part of that family.

look at it from the her side, he's hardly had any sleep so cancels, his current gf (you) cant be bothered to look after her for an hour, youve already cancelled the sleepover, his ex probably gets many a sleepless night if their dd is ill or if she is ill, does she ring your dp and say ive hardly had any sleep, you need to look after dd and cancel any plans youve made? i bet she doesn't as she is a parent and just gets on with it.

Unfair to expect me to look after her while he sleeps.

Part and parcel of being in a long term relationship with a man who has children. Not sure why you think it is unfair. Unless this is a new relationship and you dont really know the child.

Unfair on his ex to pick DD up from me, I'm sure I'm the last person she wants to be civil to

Unless you were involved in their break-up, why should she not be civil to you.

How old is the dd?

I blame the dad, not the op for this situation.

Mr Gonzo is a crown employee. He was promised half days when my DSS was coming to visit this summer's school holidays. DSS is 12. DSS and DS (10) do not get on very well which makes life difficult at the best of times as they have to share a room. DS also gets very jealous of the time that DH and DSS spend together when he is here, so his behaviour can be challenging to deal with too. Add in an 18mth old tazmanian devil. Life is not much fun for Gonzo33. Mr Gonzo then gets told he cannot take half days and has to work full days, and the car breaking down.

Do you know what I did. I welcomed my DSS at the airport when I picked him up (after picking up my car that day), took him home. Helped him unpack and feel at home. Took all of the children on days out together/lunch/other excursions. Spoke to my DS and told him to make the effort just for the time that DSS was here and the boys ended up both going out and running around like loons. Then when Mr Gonzo was off they went off and "bonded" (sometimes with ds and dd - sometimes just them two) whilst me, ds and dd got some time on our own together too.

IMO if you are in a relationship with someone who has children you yourself have to make the effort with the children too. My DSS sometimes is one too many for me, but I still put a smile on my face and carry on regardless.

I'd expect my counterpart to be the same too, except in my case she isn't. My ds regularly has to go and "live" with his fathers parents because my counterpart cannot "cope" with all three children. My ds hates it, and gets very upset because he feels rejected.

Next time your in this situation think about the child. They won't care if they are having a "chilled" day or a full on tearing around outside playing day. They will just want to see their Dad.

Today is done with now though, so have a and a and think about your approach next time.

wow - you're worse than my stepmother. YABVU - you will soon learn that you have to look after children on no sleep sometimes. My dad often used to cancel my visits for similar sounding reasons and it was heart breaking for me. And we now have a very poor relationship. So do not cancel DSD's visits unless an absolute emergency and stop being so selfish.

OP, this morning, after a sleep over, I have my DH's ex-wife's little girl staying with us. She's currently in the next room, with my little one's, doing a jigsaw. I'm waiting for my pancake mix to settle before I cook them and we can all sit down and scoff them for breakfast. Then, we're all spending the day together.

The colour that these extra friendships bring to my life is beyond words. Embrace everyone is my moto. Do that, and you get love back. Simple.

Now, if you had to work, as you mentioned earlier, then of course you wouldn't be getting this response, because you'd have a practical reason for not being able to look after his DD. But that's not the problem is it? It distinctly sounds like you don't want to spend time with her. Had you written that your DP was wrecked, but you were going to look after his DD while he rested and her Mum had a break, then you'd probably get admiration from us. I understand you're getting defensive about this, but you really sound like you begrudge giving this little girl any time. That's really sad.

YABU. I've had plenty of days where I've had barely any sleep and watched my children, it's part and parcel of being a parent, and if I had a partner I'd expect them to be supportive of that. Not about fairness really. Knuckle down, get on with it.

Look on it as a chance to do some relationship-building with your stepdaughter. Sounds like you need it!

"I think the OP is being unreasonable; but calling her a bitch and a cow is a bit much this early in the day?"

Could've waited until after lunch tbf.

It took all of 8 minutes

I hadn't even had my first cuppa.

Me neither. :(

I take it that OP is busy looking after DSD now as she hasn't been back and the little girl was expected at nine.

I know. I think the starting time for bitches and cows should be at the earliest 11am.

I can't be doing with it before then.

New Guidelines

Before 11am

No swearing/namecalling.

After 11am

You may use bitch and cow. Nothing stronger.

After 3pm

You may sneak in a bastard/twat/shit/bollocks.

After 9pm

Cunt.

and who said anything about a pack mentality?

I think I get the A-Roooooo threads now....

eh QS? I'm not on the Arooooo threads actually.

So y'know ...be quiet you silly billy!

Eh? Wha?

I AM on the A-Roooo threads and I still don't get it.

You cannot cancel contact at short notice. Don't be ridiculous.

Can we allow for time zone differences

OP you initial thread DOES read like you're a spoilt princess really, but that's probably not the case.

I'd bend over backwards to make things work in any way they could, THAT is what can make the difference between a happy amicable ex and a monster (doesn't always work though)... a day with your stepchild could actually be quite nice don't you think?

Lack of sleep sucks, but its not the child's fault. Support your partner by making life easier and saying 'you sleep, we'll go have some fun together, don't worry'.

Or maybe I'm a sucker.