'I'm pregnant with their baby'

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

AIBU to find this really hard to watch.....emotional mess watching it!

EvenLessNarkyPuffin what would happen if the baby wasn't genetic to the birth mother, could she still change her mind as she carried the baby??

I missed the end. What happened to the young girl from Scotland? Did she have the baby ?

tryingtobemarypoppins all of my sisters have children now but if one of them needed my help I would be happy to - but having just asking the question to my DH, he said he would have big problems with it because he would feel attached to the child purely because I was growing it - just like our own DC ....so it looks like my ideas have been shot to bits

Oddboots I bow myself down before thee and think you have done something very wonderful for the families you have helped

Are you still in touch with them or did you bow out gracefully and let the families just go about their lives - I think if I had been a surrogate I might want to see how things pan out ....cos I'm a nosy cow

Legally a woman giving birth to a child is his or her mother, regardless of the genetics (and in England and Wales if the surrogate is married then her husband is the legal father too).

It is perfectly possible for the surrogate or the parents to change their minds and it does sometimes happen, it is very rare in host surrogacy but not unknown.

It is actually more common for the parents to change their minds than for the surrogate to, often if the couple split up or if the baby is in some way disabled.

Yes, the birth wasn't filmed but she did give the baby to the parents. Heart breaking to see her taking about controling her milk and getting her figure back......it looked like she was living in a tough area and just trying to do the best for her son, who she did say had missed out on a year with her as the pregnancy had been so tough :( felt for her.

Wow OddBoots, I didn't know that (re not being the biological parent but legal are if you give birth). I wonder though if it went to court what would happen??

Oh I am still very much in touch with them, the oldest will soon be 10 and I see him a few times a year and spend hours nattering on the phone to his mum in between. They are now family to us, I know and chat to their extended family and my parents and brother pop in and see them too.

The girls (sisters) are 5 and 3 and by virtue of geography I see them less often, only once a year but they are my god-daughters and I send little gifts and their parents send me pictures and gifts to my children. We do all want to see each other more but it is hard to get the time.

Oddboots are they your biological children or donors?

They are the full biological children of their parents. :) I just looked after them for 9 months.

Awww you are a star Oddboots - well done girl I wish I could have done that ...I'm too old now :( ...well no that old but you know what I mean - I can still have babies but I'm going to a granny next month (Im 39) so probably not a good idea and I don't think my bones could take another pregnancy

Congratulations on your impending grannyhood. :)

Thankyou Oddboots I can't wait for my grandson to be born....he is going to be called Callum Sportacus name .....or so my 5 yr old DD tells everyone

That's very admirable Oddboots. I've been an egg donor, but I couldn't be a surrogate, mainly I think because I couldn't give over that much of my life in terms of time.

I thought it was the saddest thing I've watched in a while. All round. That Scottish girl, why oh why was she doing it, I wonder? And with a baby of her own to look after. How can they give their babies away? Just seems like the baby is a commodity, if you want one, we'll get you one. never mind that you are taking a baby away from its mother in order to complete your family. Just wrong, morally wrong. And nothing like adoption. Sure it makes all the adults feel warm and fuzzy, but what about the child's rights?

Gestational carrier, that is a different thing altogether. But creating your own child with the express intention of giving it away is just wrong IME. And heartbreaking. I felt so sad after watching it.

I thought it was hard to watch but beautifully done - I watched an American one some years ago and that followed about 5 women, only one of the surrogates got to term successfully and that turned out to be her own husbands baby and not the surrogate parents!

I did think the younger tattooed girl did it too soon after having her DS, I said to my DH before she had even mentioned being unwell that she was going to regret getting pregnant with such a young baby.

Although the older(ish) girl who had the the boy for the couple who had been through hell was a fantastic story, I found it really warmed the cockles of my heart - So nice to see a success story, usually you only hear about surrogate when something goes wrong, I have always spoken about doing it but I would only do it once I was finished having my own children and they were old enough to "fend for themselves" iyswim?

All in all a very good programme compared to previous shows on this topic

Also Oddboots what a fantastic story - Its fab that you also went on to have sisters for the couple, I can't imagine how amazing that would feel, sometimes it is the hardest thing to hear a couple say that can never have a baby after they have exhausted all other options, my Godmother was seriously considering this option but has since gone on to adopt as the 2 girls they met just weren't suitable - Sounds like you're a little pro!

Really lovely to see such a positive story of surrogacy. I have had three surrogate babies and I think the programme captured the emotions of the surrogates really well.

MrsMilton, you aren't 'creating your own child', you are creating a child for it's parents. Im not sure how you could come away feeling sad after watching it. I feel nothing but pride and happiness when I reflect on what I did.

Oddboots, what an extraordinary person you are!

The young Northern girl, Shannon I think, who said she had cut off contact with a couple as she "wasn't getting anything back" gave me the chills. Infertility is hard enough to deal with, without your possible lifeline draining on you emotionally. Shannon really, really shouldn't be a surrogate. "I suppose I was looking for some friends." Volunteer at a care home then, don't leech off a couple who want to borrow your womb for a bit. She was deluded.

I think Shannon will make a fantastic surrogate. There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship with the couple you are having a baby for. Shannon was absolutely right to not proceed with her first couple if she didn't feel it was right.

I am in the middle of doing egg donation at the moment and won't consider any resulting child as a sibling of my children. Genetically they will have a link, but being part of a family is so much more than DNA.

Oddboots, that is the loveliest way i've heard surrogacy described, 'I looked after them for nine months'. You sound like an amazing and generous woman and it's wonderful that you and the family are so close.

This is a really interesting thread, and i'll be watching on iplayer later!

I offered to be a host surrogate for my best friend and her DH, as for medical reasons she may not be able to carry another child. That was 3 years ago and i still stand by my offer. I do pregnancy very well (3 DC) and she does bf well!

I couldn't give away a baby who was genetically mine, but I'm more than happy to do this for them. My DH has his concerns, but is ultimately supportive. I think that's extremely important too.

I watched this programme last night and I've thought about it often today.

It's an amazing thing to do for another couple and if I'm honest, I'm not sure if I could do it. But my goodness, I just wanted to reach into the tv and give that girl (Louise was it?) a hug. She was trying to do something so selfless for that couple but I don't really think she'd truly thought through all of hte implications for herself and her son - her health, how she'd deal with the child being biologically hers etc. She seemed so alone in it all.

I wonder how she feels about it all now.

Geepers, I think there's a LOT wrong with wanting a relationship with the receiving couple, whether it's egg donation or surrogacy. People with fertility problems usually just want to be normal, and get on with life. Being reminded of these issues by someone purporting to be altruistic but actually are needy, is a ghastly situation. You're right, Shannon was right to end that relationship. I think she should reconsider surrogacy if what she's looking for is friendship. Her words made me shudder.

Geepers, were you watching the same programme as me? The ending was v sad. The 21 yr old did not seem emotionally ready to me. The Scottish girl was obviously messed up by the process and I felt very sorry for her. The couple with the Welsh woman seemed to have a good outcome and I was happy for them. I have commented on another thread though that I was surprised the couple didn't seem more grateful to the surrogate at the end of labour. I do understand that there must have been a hell of a lot of complex emotions flying around that room though.