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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go on hols on my own next year?

27 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 22/08/2011 17:03

seriously considering telling the lot of em to piss off and go away next year totally on my tod. The more i think about it, the more appealing it is.

i have two miserable moody teenagers who dont want to come anyway and a DH who is throwing a hissy fit because im stood here ironing and packing and i had the audacity to ask him to go to Tesco for some shopping...

He shouted at me. He said he had been to work (newsflash here - i work more sodding hours than he does - today is my so called day off and ive cleaned, hoovered, ironed and packed) and he accused me of laying in bed all morning (i was up at 8am - he is basing this on the fact that i had a shower at lunch time)

its only a week in Devon but everyone seems pissed off. I just jokingly told DD that im going on my own next year, but the more i think about it, the more i like the idea....

so AIBU to ditch the lot of em next year for some me time? kids will be 20 and 15 by then, DH can do what the sodding hell he wants, but the idea is growing on me.

OP posts:
bonnieslilsister · 22/08/2011 17:19

Wait and see how you feel on holiday. I totally understand how you feel, believe me but hopefully when you are actually away you will all chill out and enjoy each other's company I can hear you muttering something about pigs flying

I hope you have a lovely time xx

SpamMarie · 22/08/2011 17:22

Did you book this holiday together? Seems to me there's not a lot of point going if nobody wants to.

All our family holidays involved staying with relatives (they all live in the south of France, so that's no bad thing). As soon as I was deemed old enough to look after my youngest brother (I was 18, he was 12) my mother started going without us. Sometimes my father joined her, or sometimes he didn't. I quite liked it; it was a taste of independence and responsibility (and clearly the neighbours were covertly checking up on us too). Your kids are plenty old enough to look after themselves for a week!

No point going if you're not having fun. Hope the pre-holiday stress ettles down and you have a good time!

thisisyesterday · 22/08/2011 17:23

yanbu

in fact, i would tell them to stuff it this year too!

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 22/08/2011 17:27

really, the thought of laying somewhere sunny, with a book, a drink and nothing else to think about is really really appealing.

Dh would pull a right pet lip if i told him what i was thinking of doing.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 22/08/2011 17:31

well i did it.

i took the kids, but left dp at home after yet another strop from him about going away.
i stopped booking what i'd started. and booked somewhere completely different and went off with the kids.

KAZAMM · 22/08/2011 17:43

YANBU and if your DH pulls a petted gob tell him to shut his nash! A few days away on your own sounds good to me.

J4D3 · 22/08/2011 18:11

As soon as I turned 18 (my brother was 15) my mother did just that. And has done it every year since (8 years!). My dad is self employed so taking time off wasn't easy. She would always come back refreshed and ready for anything!

Even if it's for a few days, YANBU and you are definitely not being selfish. I'd say go for it. Keep an eye on Groupon, they're always doing short breaks to hotels/health spas.

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 22/08/2011 21:52

well i told DH and we ended up having a blazing row. He feels very badly done to because i didnt go and hold his hand in Tesco. He worked more hours than me last week apparently. and of course his work is far harder than mine. I realised tonight that he never ever asks me how my day went, or if anything is bothering me, because he quite simply couldnt give a flying fuck.

he goes and sticks bread in an oven. yes its hard. yes its long hours. yes he is unhappy and he moans but will he make any steps at all to change it? no he bloody well wont.

I go an pick up body parts after fatal road accidents, i take people away who rape 8 year olds, i take people away who beat their partners to a pulp, i take people away who steal, and commit burglary or robbery, i think i win in the job top trumps of stress. and yet he has never ever, not once, asked me if i am ok after a hard shift.

He then wouldnt communicate with me at all and refused requests to help me cook dinner.

He seems to think there is "something wrong with me" and not in a good way,

i left him sulking and buggered off to a friends to have a bitch about him.

my other friend (who is 65 going on 40 in both looks and attitude) has said she would be totally up for a girlie holiday.

i feel like i NEED to be on my own for a while. i have a surly moody teen girl, a boychild who has special needs and still acts like a 12 year old ( he is 20 - the other day i got
"mmmummmm"
me - "what son"
DS "can i have an ipad for xmas please?"
me "of course son, its only FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS!!!!!!" meaning "no you frigging well cannot - you are 20. you work part time. you should save up you, tight wad and stop sneaking off to america while no one is looking"
(long story - he told me he was off to visit friends in Kent and buggered off to Seattle instead)
on communicating this to him he pulled a pet lip and said it could be combined xmas and birthday present....

i NEED some time off i swear, before i go stark raving bonkers, and can my dH see this? nope.

OP posts:
Sofabitch · 22/08/2011 21:55

Going on holiday is always stressful. I think this before we leave every year. But once we are there it's fine. Although I always feel like I need a holiday to recover.

But why not book a nice girly weekend next year. After all your family is old enough to manage without you now. Grin

dontquotem3 · 22/08/2011 21:57

Do it, sounds like you need it. I can't wait to have a holiday on me own. Not brave enough yet to tell my DH this little snippet, plus my DCs are only 12,9 and just 4. Go with your mate next year and have a great time!

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 22/08/2011 22:00

YANBU I'm tempted to do the same myself when I find a job.

bonnieslilsister · 22/08/2011 22:01

When is the holiday Vic? Sounds like going with your friend would be the best thing next time!

Can you use that £500 your son wanted to have a holiday!! Seriously, it does sound like you need time away on your own. I hope things settle and your DH grows up a bit.

ColdSancerre · 22/08/2011 22:01

I think you should, sounds like you deserve it. In fact why wait until next year, even a day somewhere on your own or a weekend if you can afford it. They're plenty old enough to cope without you. Hope the holiday in Devon is enjoyable despite the pre-holiday stress.

PhilipJFry · 22/08/2011 22:03

Your husband needs to get his bloody act together, by the sounds of it. Blimey. Sorry you're coming to such harsh realisations about his attitude towards you.

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 22/08/2011 22:04

well none of us are speaking at the min.

The kids are asking why i had a row with their dad.
i am resisting by answering "because he is a selfish C*nt" and sticking with "row? what row?"

i am feeling so pissed off.

OP posts:
DogsBestFriend · 22/08/2011 22:08

Vicar, as the mum of teens I'd say YES, just go alone or with friends.

As a woman who has read of your fight to become a Police Officer, of your pride in getting there and one who, admire you as I do, wouldn't do your job for all the tea in china I'd say... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN ASKING FOR LOVEY!

Take time out, go do something you enjoy and relax... by god you've earned it and you deserve it.

DBF (formerly Vall, if you're wondering!). :)

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 22/08/2011 22:19

oh *val"....thank you. (i think i love you!)

i think my DH is feeling unusually insecure - the other day i was having a general moan, as you do, and said i was dissatisfied with everything. (a flippant pissed off remark really more than anything else)

he asked if i was dissatisfied with him- not like him at all.

i just feel so tired, and so in need of a bit of me time, and i will never ever get that at home.

our family holiday is coming up, if it goes miserably then it may well be the last.
DH seems so offended that i even said i want to go alone. i cant leave the kids on their own, so its not like we can go away together, though he knows i look forward to that day too.

OP posts:
redexpat · 22/08/2011 22:19

Bloody hell! You even need to ASK if YABU?!

GO! And perhaps take a weekend somewhere with 'D'H to try and boost the relationship a bit.

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 22/08/2011 22:20

val....see im too tired to even go bold properly.

and im up at 5am tomorrow.....i should disappear.

OP posts:
HerHissyness · 22/08/2011 22:22

What DBF said! All of it. Love, take a week off and go have some girly fun!

DogsBestFriend · 22/08/2011 22:23

Get some sleep matey. :)

Not that I cried when I read you'd achieved your dream, oh no, not me, I'm a tough old boot... !

duchesse · 22/08/2011 22:26

20 and 15? Bloody hell yes, woman! In fact refuse to go on hols with them now, let them fend for themselves and go and check yourself into a B&B by the seaside for a week. Somewhere other than where they're going. Or grab a last-minute bargain to the sun. Go on, you can do it!

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 22/08/2011 22:31

aw val thank you.

the jobs not mine yet, not for another year....long probation this one...got to do fitness again soon (flunked out due to sinusitis and throat infection) so got to get straight back on the treadmill very soon....

ill see if dh is speaking to me tomorrow. i doubt to be honest i will get any time away on my lonesome if it causes this much angst, this year is booked, its my 40th coming up, i might disappear for it to a spa or something. alone. accompanied only by alcohol and a good book.

OP posts:
nothingoldcanstay · 22/08/2011 22:35

Go,go,go!

The "children" need to be doing their own hols too (with other peoples family for the 15 year old).It's supposed to be a break not the same old s**t relocated to the coast.

DogsBestFriend · 22/08/2011 22:37

The job WILL BE yours... I have no doubt about that. :)

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