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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

help please...to not let my 6yr old have his cheescake??urgent answers please as he rather upset and stormed off to his room

115 replies

prettypinkchristmastree · 21/08/2011 19:05

Just had our yummy sunday roast. Toffee cheescake for puddin and squirty cream.. I set all the cheescakes out and get the squirty cream out start squirting and nothing ....Now this has happened on 3 other occasions when none of us have had any and my son who has a tendency to help himself to food out of the fridge (which am trying to stop by putting him in time out) has been the previous culprit. i obviously blamed him and said right you are not having it now and out it in the fridge. Now i suppose it could have been my other 3 dc daughter 9 (never bothers helping self without asking) or 3 year old twins but they wouldnt be able to squeeze out. it my son who is typically doing theses sorts of things. He not upset now just came down got his teddy in his pyjamas. I said you still not having it he said ."i know" so am i being unreasonable or have i done the right thing???????

OP posts:
pointydog · 21/08/2011 20:07

I agree eith you, yesterday. He didn't take the cream from under anyone's noses.

If you want to take his pudding away, take his pudding away. Not bovvered. But opinions were asked for. And some of us would choose a different consequence.

youarekidding · 21/08/2011 20:07

Sorry should have said 'daily' snack box, as in he starts the day with each of these items. The veg/fruit sticks are just always topped up. Funnily enought atm being allowed biscuits and crisps daily he rarely eats both of them and often neither.

Often the lure of 'forbidden' foods is greater than the want/need!!

pointydog · 21/08/2011 20:08

lol @ 'this is how the riots started'

Quick, tell the PM

MrsPollifaxInnocentTourist · 21/08/2011 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maypole1 · 21/08/2011 20:10

squeakytoy totally agree thats why some children are fat because they are allowed to eat what they want whenever they want, before and after dinner

It also encourages Thame to do this when they go to other peoples houses which is really very rude

We have a budget and cannot serstaine one person eating all the shopping in a coulee of days when its ment for four people for the week I believe this teaches self control, good manners and delayed gratification not to mention stoping your child from becoming a fatty

prettypinkchristmastree · 21/08/2011 20:11

oh no this is yest really i dont think u get it. Everyone obv entitled to their own view and i wanted everyones views that why i came on here. my son is fine and i have decided i did the right thing. he is mature for 6 and understands his actions but before has just thought he can get away with it. i am not depriving him of food he doesnt stop eating lol...and i was having a bit of a laugh saying i should reprimand the food thief. ..and goblin is right he does sniff out all treats and try and munch them and it not fair on the others if they have to miss out because he eat their share of biscuits crisps or whatever. If i do a weekly shop it wont last if i let him have his way so i have to put my foot down and have now and he accpted. I have even got to the stage of doing a 3 or 4 weekly shop to make sure it doesnt all get gobbled at once. Anyway. I am na expert and if anyone has any other suggestions they are welcome as i would like to hear everyones views. anyway i think he will think twice in future and took it really well bless him.xx

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 21/08/2011 20:12

thank you pointy

my final point (cos i have to go and tidy up) is that this has happened 3 times before and whatever the OP is doing isn't working cos he keeps doing it.

so maybe she needs to try something different to time out and refusing him pudding.

maypole1 · 21/08/2011 20:12

My god no wonder this country is in a mess if people think not giving a already fed child his pudding dispute him being naughty is cruel

thisisyesterday · 21/08/2011 20:14

OP, I didn't think you were depriving him of food in that sense. I just don't think it's generally a good idea to use food as a punishment.

I also didn't say that I wouldn't have a consequence to "stealing" treats. I just don't think that your way is working, otherwise he wouldn't still be doing it, would he?

thisisyesterday · 21/08/2011 20:15

maypole... could you highlight who has said it is cruel?

disagreeing with how someone does something does not mean you think it's cruel.
the OP asked if she had done the right thing, I said that I thought she hadn't.

that is all.

maypole1 · 21/08/2011 20:15

thisisyesterday how about no pudding for any one I sure after his siblings find out and pile on the pressure he will behave nothing like a telling off from older siblings to make you conform

ChippingIn · 21/08/2011 20:15

You did the right thing.

Don't let him have it tomorrow or else he will learn that you only half mean what you say.

maypole1 · 21/08/2011 20:18

thisisyesterday the tone of your post was a bit heavy a seemed as if op was starving her child

Your right everyone has different views mine is that actions have reaction

You can make your choice but you cannot choose your punishment

microfight · 21/08/2011 20:19

locks never work why don't you talk to him about his squirty cream indulgence?

pointydog · 21/08/2011 20:20

no one thinks it's cruel, maypole. We don;t need knee-jerk reactions.

MumblingRagDoll · 21/08/2011 20:22

Food should NEVER be witheld as a punishment...be it pudding or anything else. It sends the wrong message about food entirely.

prettypinkchristmastree · 21/08/2011 20:24

ha ha. Well you have tickled me some of you with your responses...Thanks again..We have spoken about his squirty cream fetish and he says he is defo not going to help himself again. i let themm help themselves to fruit whenever they want. I think it just politeness and good manners to ask first. In anycase if he had of asked i would have probably give him a squirt lol..just not a whole can, He He.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 21/08/2011 20:26

It would be interesting to see if there is any correlation between children who are allowed free access to any food any time they feel like it, and children who are "picky eaters" at meal times.

As a child, my mother provided me with breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. I did not need, nor was I allowed, to help myself to food at other times. If I had asked for food, providing it wasnt just before a meal time, I would have been given something, but the fridge and cupboards where certainly not a free for all.

I would never have dreamt of going into anyone elses fridge and helping myself as a child, nor would I do it now in someone else home, and I would see it as incredibly rude if anyone was to do it in my home.

Too many kids seem to be food obsessed these days. Growing up, I ate what was put in front of me.. and often had to be dragged in from playing outside... mealtimes were just something that happened. I didnt question the food, play with the food, or refuse to eat the food..

My stepchildren lived by the same rules my parents had for me, and they apply the same to their own children now.

worraliberty · 21/08/2011 20:34

Totally agree with squeaky

No-one takes food here without asking if it's ok. They don't even question it...it's just the polite and 'done thing' in this family as it was when I was growing up.

stillsurvinghols · 21/08/2011 20:34

I'd have eaten it and sent him away. I'd have apologised if I'd got it wrong but you can normally tell who is to blame in my house. I'd have nothing left if my kids were to help themselves and then they wouldn't eat all the homemade stuff I cook which would result in a very fed up mummy. DD went through a sneaking stage, although it was mainly around food it happened with a few other things so the sneaking earned her time out. The boys sometimes forget to asked for fruit and that does annoy me but I think we are getting there with the youngest one now and will be able to bring the fruit bowl back out.....

MrsBaggins · 21/08/2011 20:36

Totally agree with yousqueaky
Also very bizarre that a 6 year old helped himself to 4 cans of squirty cream and noone noticed.Confused
My Dc are teens and are allowed fruit ,toast etc between meals .They always ask if they want anything else .

prettypinkchristmastree · 21/08/2011 20:42

baggins. it wasnt all at once lol. it was the 4 occassions i bought squirty cream prob over the last 2 months.:-)

OP posts:
youarekidding · 21/08/2011 20:44

I give DS 3 meals a day, he also has snack box and unlimited access to fruit and veg.

At a picnic party today (2yo cousin so younger children) he ate the fruit/ veg and some sandwiches (after being co erced away from playing!). He turned down biscuits and cake Hmm. It's because he just see's these as food not as a treat to be scoffed. For the first time ever other parents ask me for advice. Grin

I have to say mine has been not doing pudding - I just don't call it that. If DS eats his dinner he can have 'something else', it may be choc/ cake or fruit he chooses. He has grown up not knowing pudding so I've never used it as a consequence.

I think OP has done the right thing though. She has tried other techniques and these failed. This is the first time she tried this so this hasn't failed. And I agree (especially when there's 6 in a family as OP has) that people need to learn food is there for everyone and you can't eat all of something as others miss out.

op have a think about the snack box, each child could have one, may help with you budget aswell?

MrsHicks · 21/08/2011 20:49

Isn't 6 a little old for time out? I've never done it, but I thought it was supposed to be a toddler thing. Maybe that's why it hasn't worked so well.

maypole1 · 21/08/2011 21:04

squeakytoy I know this constant grazing that children do these days make me gurrr