help please...to not let my 6yr old have his cheescake??urgent answers please as he rather upset and stormed off to his room

[prettypinkchristmastree]

Just had our yummy sunday roast. Toffee cheescake for puddin and squirty cream.. I set all the cheescakes out and get the squirty cream out start squirting and nothing ....Now this has happened on 3 other occasions when none of us have had any and my son who has a tendency to help himself to food out of the fridge (which am trying to stop by putting him in time out) has been the previous culprit. i obviously blamed him and said right you are not having it now and out it in the fridge. Now i suppose it could have been my other 3 dc daughter 9 (never bothers helping self without asking) or 3 year old twins but they wouldnt be able to squeeze out. it my son who is typically doing theses sorts of things. He not upset now just came down got his teddy in his pyjamas. I said you still not having it he said ."i know" so am i being unreasonable or have i done the right thing???????

and I didn't say it would put him off food, or give him an eating disorder either.

I said it could lead to food issues. insecurities. feeling he has to have "permission" to eat things, feeling that certain things are "bad" food.

you're building up the idea that pudding is this special treat that's so much better than any other food by taking it away as a punishment

Oh, are we playing experience top trumps?
I'm experienced with 'Ahh Bless' parents of children who have a muddles and erratic approach to trying to teach/discipline their children and then can't understand what's going wrong and why they behave for other people.
But I thought this thread was whipped cream and gluttony, rather than
'OMG, you'll send him into bulimia and anorexia with your vicious and unnatural practises'

oh, where did i say that?

you claimed that your experience with your 2 meant that your way was ok and fine for EVERY child.

I claimed it was not.

how is that top trumps?

He's 9 and done it three times at least before with the same foodstuff. The OP hasn't even mentioned crisps and cake yet.
If he was 5, the response would be different.

he is not 9.

he is 6

and who said anything about crisps and cake?

Are you really 28?
I'm arguing with someone young enough to be my daughter. I'll nip over to gransnet and mix it up with the other prospective MILs.
OP, you still have my vote. Ask your DS if it was fair.

How can you steal food from your own fridge?

ohhh, so now you're older that means you're right?

interesting.

Oh, yes, it's the daughter who is 9.
OK, I wouldn't eat his cake then. But I wouldn't give it to him either.

Not right, just opinionated.

It wasn't his food, it was share food and he didn't share.

What's the problem with kids helping themselves to food? Mine certainly does all the time and it doesn't bother me. I don't want to be his maid, preparing food or getting it out of the cupboard every time he's hungry. He's 8yo, so he can get to the kitchen and do it himself, like I do.

see I don't get this whole "stealing" food thing

he isn't a thief. it's HIS house as well.

It is his home, but at 6 years old, he doesnt get to decide what to eat, and to help himself to whatever he likes, when he likes. Or certainly shouldnt.

Parents budget for food, for the whole family, and children should not be just helping themselves to whatever they fancy.

so for not sharing he gets his pudding taken away?

when your kids didn't share did you take their food away?

'Very frustrating to have your pudding taken away from under your nose. '

Yes, he took it from under 5 peoples noses, after repeatedly being told not too, now he has a taste of his own medicine.

It's actually natural consequence as opossed to active punishment.

I found when my DS got to about 6yo and still now at just turned 7yo he has a very uneven appitite iyswim? It's hard to judge how much he'll need in a day. Therefore he has a snack box, it contains 2 cereal bars, a mini packet of biscuits, a bag of crisps, raisens and grapes. I then have tupperware boxes with veg/fruit sticks (cucumber, pepper etc) in the fridge, and fruit bowl on the table. He is allowed to help himself to these. Sometimes it will all go in a day sometimes he won't snack at all. When we started it he was told if he stopped eating his meals we would go back to him asking. With gentle guidence at the start it works really well.

Maybe something like this would work?

I'm right and I'm opinionated. So there.

POG I'm 29 and agree with you, FWIW.

Yes, it is his house too, and his food too. That doesn't mean he should eat everyone's share of whipped cream and not have any consequences. And it's frankly bizarre to act as though what the OP did is on par with, say, keeping the food under lock and key and doling out slices of bread grimly like something out of Dickens.

My DS is 4 and can eat from the fruit bowl anytime he wants, or have veggie sticks, or ask me to make him a piece of toast. Anything else, he asks.

'Very frustrating to have your pudding taken away from under your nose. '

Yes, he took it from under 5 peoples noses, after repeatedly being told not too, now he has a taste of his own medicine.

no, he didn't. he took some cream. he took his share then couldn't stop himself eating the rest.
he may, or may NOT, have known it was needed for later.
he may, or may not, need to learn not to take things without asking.

but he did NOT prevent other people having their pudding, he merely took something that went with it. and as apunishment he gets his whole pudding taken away.

also, i haven't said that there should not be consequences.

merely that i thought the consequences he received were unreasonable.

so shove that in yer pipes and smoke it

That's how it worked and works in my house, food available when they liked.
Bread, fruit, veg, milk, water yadah yadah.
But not treat food or alcohol. No locks on anything either.

It's not HIS OWN FRIDGE - it's his parents fridge. They work to buy the food - until he starts contributing financially NOTHING in that fridge is legally HIS. He is GIVEN the stuff from the fridge in amounts decreed by the person who BOUGHT the stuff in the fridge. End of.

People - this is how the riots started. Kids thinking they are entitled and parents colluding. One minute it's snaffling cream from the fridge the next it's snaffling a smart phone from the smashed in window on the high street. Why should anyone get anything for nothing? The lesson starts here.

OP - you did the right thing. You feel like crap but hey-ho - that's how it feels to be an effective parent.

And relax.

YANBU. Pudding is a treat. He disobeyed (helping self from the fridge, which he'd been told about twice before). So he loses the treat. He won't starve, and maybe this time the message will sink in.