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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To explain to other mothers who the evil witch of a childminder is?

26 replies

WhiteTrash · 20/08/2011 16:21

I have 2 DC's, 4.8 years and 13 weeks. When DC1 was 8 months old I went to uni which meant he went into full time childcare. He was with an amazing childminder who I couldnt fault. But when he was 3 she stopped to have a baby so I found another one not thinking Id have any problems having had such a good experience with childminding. However it did not work out well. The next childminder was a cunt of the highest order who hurt my child on several occasions, he still has a scare on his eyebrow from her. He had a huge swollen ear where she banged his head on a lock which she failed to tell me about, even when I pulled her up on it. Took her half hour to call back and admit it. Cue me calling social services, the police involved her temporarily struck off while I was tearing myself up with guilt.

Nothing came of it. It was her word against mine and my sons and she got her job back after a month. Which I hate.

Roll on to now and I have a second child. I want to work March time but fret about childcare. So I want to childmind. I aspire to be like my first childminder and choose to do it so any child in my care will never, ever experience what my pfb did.

When it comes down to it, I want to explain this to potential employers, I want them to hear (maybe not in detail) my experience and how I aspire to be like the first CM. But no doubt they might ask who the second CM is, what with her still being in business in the same city.

So, AIBU to divulge who she is (id actually prefer NOT to give her name and just my experience) or should I just not mention any of the above?

OP posts:
Itsjustafleshwound · 20/08/2011 16:24

Why get into a pissing match with the useless woman?? Move on, and don't bad mouth her .... it just reflects badly on you ..

GypsyMoth · 20/08/2011 16:26

Er, police and ss found her not guilty, you will be in trouble yourself if you act like that!

CaveMum · 20/08/2011 16:26

You would be on VERY dicey ground legally speaking if you started telling other parents her name, details, etc. By all means say you had a bad personal experience with "a" childminder, but please do not name names.

MadamDeathstare · 20/08/2011 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tethersend · 20/08/2011 16:26

Don't mention any of it. It will sound odd and very worrying to a potential employer (parent?) to talk about childminders abusing their charges.

It's like if I were to say to you- don't think about giraffes.

What are you thinking about?

GeneralCustardsHardHat · 20/08/2011 16:28

When i'm interviewing childminders i don't ask about others in the area (unless it's part of the emergency cover line of questions) and would look down on anyone who struck up the initial conversation about how dire another in the area was. What a strange thing to do!

ZillionChocolate · 20/08/2011 16:28

I think you can talk in general terms of good and bad childminders and your experiences. I would think that slagging off a rival was unprofessional and would put me off you.

Iteotwawki · 20/08/2011 16:29

I would be extremely wary of naming and shaming! By all means describe the attitudes of CM1 and CM2 as an indication of why you are looking into employment in childcare - but given CM2 is working in your area it could be seen as a lame attempt to put her customers off and you may find yourself on the end of a libel suit. Or slander, I can never remember which is spoken vs written.

mumofsoontobelawstudent · 20/08/2011 16:30

you sound just the sort of person I'd want looking after my children

Original poster
WhiteTrash · 20/08/2011 16:31

Ok you're all right when you put it like that! Thanks for making me see it a bit more rationally!

OP posts:
mumofsoontobelawstudent · 20/08/2011 16:31

potentially slander and libel if she is spreading it around verbally and writing it on here

Original poster
WhiteTrash · 20/08/2011 16:32

Mumofsopntobelawstudet, I cant tell if that is sarcasm? Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
WhiteTrash · 20/08/2011 16:33

Ok that answered my question ;). Its slander just me writing this thread?? Theres no names?

OP posts:
MilaMae · 20/08/2011 16:36

"she banged his head on a lock"-you saw it did you?

I only ask because I childmind and OFSTED expect to see several incidents in an accident book.Yes she should have informed you but OFSTED expect charges to lead an active life with plenty of free play,accidents will happen.I am a mother of 3, an ex teacher and have experienced a few whilst minding.

One of my charges could have had a book all to himself,thankfully his mother could have completed several books herself and is a pleasure to work for totally understanding and happy to fill out forms without making me feel like shite.

Oh and just for the record any cm who used the word "c*" would be struck right of my list as a mother,you may wish to improve your language before you start.

The police investigated and struck her off as a temporary measure(which they do with every complaint).A month is a very short time so they clearly had very few concerns. You could get into trouble for spreading malicious rumours,I'd get over it and move on.

LineRunner · 20/08/2011 16:37

I agree with the posters who say just focus on the positive reasons why you want to be a CM. That's what parents want to hear!

FFS do NOT name the other person.

I do believe that people in child-caring professions do hurt children and get away with it. A ghastly woman at a local church pre-school group hurt a child by yanking on his arm in a fit of temper. SS were involved. She just pleaded 'accident' and was given a warning and re-instated. I was amongst many who pulled their children out, and the pre-school folded in the end. So I believe you - but don't get yourself slapped with a defamation writ when you can ill afford the stress and the cost.

mumofsoontobelawstudent · 20/08/2011 16:37

No, not slander or libel at this point, a few posters have warned you that if you name and shame which you have not yet done thankfully. I can understand your anger/annoyance but if the police and social services investigated and she was cleared then you could get yourself in trouble by naming her and making those allegations. People are trying to give you helpful advice here

Original poster
WhiteTrash · 20/08/2011 16:40

Yes she did admit it. Eventually.

There was never any accident book for any of the incidences. Which I know, I know I should have sorted out too but I didnt. Believe me I regret everything about her.

And pardon my use of the C word but its obviously an emotive situation for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhiteTrash · 20/08/2011 16:41

No I know they are giving advice. I appreciate it. Its making me see it with clarity.

OP posts:
LineRunner · 20/08/2011 16:42

Don't worry WhiteTrash, you're on MN and don't have to apologise for swearing on the boards!

Have a vent here; and protect your position in RL.

LynetteScavo · 20/08/2011 16:43

Did she actually hurt him on purpose (as your wording suggests) or did he have an accident while in her care?

There is no need to tell potential clients about incidents in the past.

Move on.

Takitezee · 20/08/2011 16:48

Exactly what MadamDeathstare said.

You also need to calm down a bit, you sound like you're on a crusade and could potentially scare parents off.

Original poster
WhiteTrash · 20/08/2011 16:52

I know you're right. I'll not be mentioning the bad CM. I will mention our good experience and concentrate on that.

No she didnt say it was on purpose she said she did it by accident. It was the fact that she had several chances to te me but didnt. And allll the other things that led up to it. But im not going to drip more info in as its irrelavent, having got my main point across.

OP posts:
PurpleCrazyHorse · 20/08/2011 16:56

As a parent of a child who goes to a CMer. I would be wary of any CM saying anything more than they used a great CM and that inspired them to become one too. I wouldn't want to hear about a rubbish CM and would be a bit suspicious and a little concerned that you're only doing it to prove yourself better than them. Stick to the positives and show yourself to be a great positively minded CM, not one still dwelling on the past.

Accidents do happen and sadly we've had a few with DD, including one where the CM was possibly more upset about it than we were (we know things happen with newly toddling children and a bump to the head was par for the course!).

PurpleCrazyHorse · 20/08/2011 16:57

x-post. Glad to hear you're going to focus on the positives :)

nannynick · 20/08/2011 17:00

Having used childcare yourself you can relate well to parents who are choosing a childminder for the first time.

As a childiminder you run your own business and it is not good in business to be overly negative about competitors, as those competitors may pass work to you in the future. You may also come across them on quite a regular basis, so whilst you may not get on that well, you may find that you need to make polite conversation on occasion (when you can't avoid it) such as if you are both on the same training course - yes, childminders do lots of those.

As a parent you know what you liked about your first childminder and what you didn't like about your second... so you can now aim to run your own business like your first childminder ran their business.

You will find you can get advise from childminders on:
Mumsnet: Childminders/nannies/au-pairs board
Childminding Forum
and other places around the web, plus by chatting with other local childminders.