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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hiding in our car crying on moving day?

28 replies

hateournewhouse · 20/08/2011 13:04

Just got the keys to our new house. I always knew it wasnt going to he out dream home but will have to do as I am unexpectedly pg with dc3 and we need more room and it was all we could afford. Had convinced myself new place was ok but just been up and was reminded its pretty horrid.dd1 cried when she saw her room, the walls are stained and dirty and carpet filthy. Will paint obviously but had not noticed other stuff like awful aryex. walls and ceilings. Am meant to be helping dh and his friends but have pulled over in quiet street and have been sat crying for an hour now. Please don't flame me, am so upset.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 20/08/2011 13:08

Oh honey, it is only decoration you can sort it out, paint isn't expensive.

worraliberty · 20/08/2011 13:08

Are you renting or have you bough it?

I know lots of people who have been overwhelmed by the state of the place they've moved into...then 6 months or a year down the line the place has looked gorgeous.

It's going to be daunting now, but you'll get on with it I'm sure and all this will be a distant memory.

Congrats on the pregnancy by the way Smile

honeymom · 20/08/2011 13:09

A house is what you make it. I cried when we got out first house. It was horrid it stank of piss an was plain gross. But we ripped all the carpets out painted everything magnolia as a start and then slowly made it our home. I'm sure it will work out in the end

PortBlacksandIsLovelyInAutumn · 20/08/2011 13:09

Is it bought or rented? Is it the house or the area??

It will seem so different when it's full of your own stuff, smells and noise and tell DD she can choose her new decor Smile Moving house is overwhelming at the best of times - not least when you're pregnant.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 20/08/2011 13:10

It's cosmetic. Don't get upset. Walls paint, carpets come up (or clean well with rug doctor or similar), artex comes off. None of these things matter.

You have a home that is big enough for your family.

Don't let something as easily fixable as dirty walls and carpet upset you.

xx

aliceliddell · 20/08/2011 13:11

No. YANBU, this will make you feel better. Brew? Wine? Scream? Chocolate? There is a product to cover Artex 'easily'. Might help. Pin drapey cloth/sheets up? Posters? Buy dd1 something to conceal some of it? It won't always look that bad. Hopefully an interior designer will be along to offer ideas soon. Smile Good luck.

DecapitatedLegoman · 20/08/2011 13:13

It's just a house today. But slowly it will become a home.

That'll happen faster if you view it as a challenge and not a test though. Although I know it must be hard, especially being pregnant too, this is a "pull yourself together" situation I'm afraid :)

fifitrixibellesmith · 20/08/2011 13:16

what good will crying do

get your sleeves rolled up, get a bucket of soap and water and get going and dont stop until you are knackered

it will soon be a home

blackeyedsusan · 20/08/2011 13:18

let dd sleep somehere else for tonight and get the carpet cleaned/new one fitted. cheapish one could be about £200 depending on size of the room.

LydiaWickham · 20/08/2011 13:22

YANBU - but it's just messy, you can make it beautiful for your family. Look at it this way, if it was done up you wouldn't be able to afford it, and while it might have been 'neat' it might not have been to your taste (our dining room is a case in point, it was done just before the house was put up for sale, it's not bad enough to justify decorating, but it's just not to my taste).

Now, dry your eyes, plaster on your best smile and tell your DD it's an exciting adventure, and isn't it great she gets to pick the colour of her walls!

Tanith · 20/08/2011 13:22

Poor you!

I had to move house to provide an extra room for DD and, although it wasn't in the same state, it wasn't good. Looked like the previous owner hadn't cleaned in ages and we had the next door neighbour to thank for the grass being cut (lovely man!).

Try and see past the yuck and decor and look at the house itself. It's not so bad once it's clean clean and painted, honestly. I speak from the position of having a toddler DD who shrieked the place down all night for a week because she wanted to be with us and not in her new room and a DS who cried all the first evening because he wanted his old room back! I really struggled to remember why I was putting us all through this!

I can barely remember the old house now, there's been so much cleaning and painting to do.

I recommend you start planning your new baby's room first. What decoration do you think you'll have? My DD has Beatrix Potter pictures with pink and white. We had yellow and lilac with DS - Winnie the Pooh. Or there's Humphrey's Corner: orange and mint... :)

CheshireDing · 20/08/2011 13:23

They never look the same once the previous owners have moved all their stuff out.

Just clean it, put your stuff in it and buy big tins of White paint and rollers. Trust me once you paint it white and get the windows open it will be a lot fresher and a lot more yours and it's a cheap way to do it.

I felt the same about our current house and we went around constantly muttering "dirty bastards" about various things the previous owners had left or not cleaned, now I love this house and it's up for sale but I cried as didn't want to sell it.

Sometimes there is no pleasing us!:)

MrsKwazii · 20/08/2011 13:27

It's hard moving anyway - even if you love a house and aren't pregnant!

YANBU to cry but you do need to get on back to the house, have a big hug from your DH and children, and start making it a home. Like everyone else says, with a bit of elbow grease and paint you'll start making it feel more like yours. Hope you feel better soon Smile

AgentZigzag · 20/08/2011 13:32

Our house was a total shithole when we moved in with 18 month DD1, and we didn't notice it was that bad until we actually moved.

It's a nightmare moving even if it's into a nice house, keep focused on a week or fortnights time when you'll have started to get things straight Smile

lifechanger · 20/08/2011 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

heleninahandcart · 20/08/2011 14:18

YANBU but it will become your home. I hated our current house for a long time, I actually thew up in the skip outside the smell was so bad. It was all I could afford in the school catchment area. But now I absolutely love it, its transformed and I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. This will pass and you will have a home. Perhaps start with DC's room as its self contained, cheaper and she will enjoy choosing her new paint colours etc. And yes, carpet out and a ton of paint.

MissBetsyTrotwood · 20/08/2011 14:19

If you can, do one room quickly. Just focus on that if everything gets on top of you as soon as you move in. We did that with the living room at our old place so we always had one room of sanity.

Have you eaten much today? I always forget to eat on moving day as most of the action like picking keys up seems to happen around lunchtime and as a result I get to about 2pm and feel dreadful. And can't remember why.

I agree with getting stuff cleaned too. Anywhere is better if it's spanking sparkly clean!

I hope you're there now. I'm sure it will soon feel like home and will warm up a bit with you all in there. Feel better Smile

emmanumber3 · 20/08/2011 14:34

Oh dear Sad. If it's any consolation I felt very similar when we moved into our new house (even though I love it now). I was 7 months pregnant with DC3 and all I could see was what needed doing (every room needed painting, new flooring, grubby everywhere etc. etc.). Within 2 weeks we had managed to do the most urgent of the painting & DH had laid some laminate (yes, I know, but it's cheap & does the job Grin) in the rooms in the most need of new flooring.

We then had the most ineffective removal men in history who literally just dumped EVERYTHING in the lounge & kitchen (and I mean wardrobes & beds too - apparently they "couldn't get them around the bend in the stairs"), which resulted in a 9pm visit from "the Boss" & his mate who sorted everything into the correct rooms within 20 minutes (it's amazing what they can suddenly do when you say no-one's getting paid until the job's done properly Hmm).

Basically, I spent most of removal day in tears too. Now, 7ish weeks later, I am sitting in my nice lounge with everything unpacked & my 11-day old DD asleep next to me Grin. Everything's lovely - and it will be for you too Grin.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 20/08/2011 14:39

Houses always look manky on moving day even if you loved it when you viewed it. A lick of paint will do wonders. But it's all very emotional even when not pregnant. It will feel like a home soon enough, honestly.

dietstartstmoz · 20/08/2011 14:40

I cried at the state of our house when we moved in 10 yrs ago, and i wasn't pregnant. It was a filthy shit hole and the dirty skanky family previously had 2 small children, there was cat shit in the house, the carpets were filthy and I honestly don't think they had cleaned, hoovered and def not cleaned the loo for the past 4 months. When we hoovered the carpet in the bedroom it changed colour- we just ripped them up and threw them out. But we had a busy weekend with family helping us clean and we redecorated and it is now lovely, clean and very untidy as we have kids. You will make it a lovely home, but sit and have a cry now-and then a big cuppa and a biscuit.

nosexpleaseimpregnant · 20/08/2011 15:34

We moved in june last year, pre-empting a baby at some point and needing an extra bedroom, and, although the house was decoratively in good order, we had moved from a completely furnished house to completely unfurnished. We took the house as it was in the area we already live in (and love) and was at a very good price (smaller house down the road £100 pcm more) but only had a month to move in.
We moved into the house with 2 deck chairs, a beer fridge, a crt tv, and blow up mattress!! We didn't have sofa's for 2 months and initially lived in the front room. It was depressing but I'm so glad we did it, the house is now full of stuff we have worked hard for and is to our taste. It still isn't finished yet tho!!!

Acekicker · 20/08/2011 15:39

Another one who felt desperate when they saw their new house on moving day! Reading this thread I think most places look horrid once the previous tenants/owners have moved out and before you've got your stuff in and made it your own.

I sobbed when we got to our new place, it looked old, scruffy, nasty colour schemes etc. I thought we'd made the biggest mistake of our lives, even though it was only ever supposed to be our 'first home' and not the 'forever' house. Whilst I still wouldn't want to be here forever (due to other things like the lack of parking and the slightly odd layout) we're still here after 9 years and I'm still in no real hurry to move again.

Take a deep breath, start putting some of 'your things' out (even if it's just a few pictures/photos and you shift them around again in a few days) and it will start to look much better I'm sure.

LineRunner · 20/08/2011 15:39

OP, Lots of people do really know how you feel. I cried when I moved into the home that I'm still in. The house was what we could afford. The carpets were so skanky we ripped them up and put newspapers down for the first few weeks whilst we got organised.

I did say to my [ex]H, 'These carpets have got to go. Now.' No misunderstanding there!

If you're clear about what you absolutely can't live with, chuck it out and start again. It's normal.

Good luck, and it will all come together.

TarquinGyrfalcon · 20/08/2011 16:11

Moving house is stressful and emotional so it's not surprising that you feel overwhelmed.

The day after we moved house I became ill (I think it was stress related) I remember lying on a matress in our new bedroom (hadn't had time to assemble the bed) and sobbing because I wanted to go home.

I'm sure once you start unpacking you will feel better.

ShoutyBag · 20/08/2011 16:35

Whatever you do OP, take it easy. You are pregnant and anything which needs doing must wait until you are more physically able. Have you got relatives/friends who could muck in?

I felt sick, truly sick when I moved in here. Still hate it although it's mainly all done now. We didn't really have a choice either, it was stay and be fucked about by landlords or buy somewhere. I feel for you, I really do.