I wanted to add that since DD died I have had two babies. I also have a quite severe anxiety disorder related to hospitals. I had the babies at home but needed to go to the hospital for scans. The first scans were in maternity but the later ones were in the same place where DD had to go for various scans (not the same hospital where the other incident happened).
These were very difficult and emotional times for me. I become very introverted in order to try and contain what is going on inside. I had to go alone to the early scans as they were both (oddly) at 8.20 am. OH came to the late ones.
Anyway - ramble ramble.
I must present as a grumpy, slightly odd woman who suddenly bursts into tears and starts apologising for being an idiot and muttering about her DD being dead. This must seem weird.
The sonographers have always been lovely and tried to understand why this was all so hard for me. Handed me tissues and been very sweet.
In the later scans it seemed very important that I knew the sex. I know this is annoying for sonographers but I really had to know. I needed to prepare myself for having another girl, I couldnt deal with a 'suprise' at birth as it was so emotionally difficult as it was.
On both occassions, once I had explained, they were again very sweet and understanding and did their very best to help me out.
Like I said before, I have met a lot of HCPs and most were great.
Unfortunately its the utter fuckers like the first one that I wake up in the night thinking about and wishing I had done better by my DD.
Its the nature of things.