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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the children and I should have a say in where we holiday?

64 replies

RubyLT · 18/08/2011 20:28

DH always chooses our holiday and it's always somewhere he will enjoy. Usually France. I like France but I'd love to take the children to Florida but DH won't even discuss it. Every year our holidays are fitted around DH with seemingly little regard to what anyone else in the family will enjoy. I know as head of the family he has the right to make the final decision but AIBU to wish we could at least discuss it and to think he should at least consider my wishes in where we holiday?

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 18/08/2011 20:30

I'm sorry?

Head of the family?

Is his name Big Daddy?

A family functions inmost of it's members have most of their needs met most of the time.

You need to seriously adjust your thinking. And he needs to adjust what constitutes fair and loving.

Portofino · 18/08/2011 20:30

"I know as head of the family he has the right to make the final decision "

What bollocks is this? It should be a joint decision of course.

JetLi · 18/08/2011 20:31

Head of the family - what twaddle

purpleturtle · 18/08/2011 20:33

Do you enjoy the holidays he chooses?

I ask as the daughter of a man who loves planning holidays (I find myself an adult incapable of planning a holiday that will match up to the ones he took us on). He asked my mum a couple of years ago where she'd like to go that summer. "Italy would be nice," said Mum, thinking of sunshine. "I thought we'd do Ireland this year," says Dad, "we'll do Italy next year." Mum did wonder why he'd asked in the first place! (That holiday in Ireland featured the morning they woke up in their motorhome to discover a massive car boot sale in full swing all around them. )

YoungishBag · 18/08/2011 20:33

'head of the family'

'the Right to make the decision'

No to both. Get a grip. Sort it out. You are an equal and valuable person and if you are not respected in your marriage you should reconsider what you want.

Respect yourself or no other fucker will.

CocoPopsAddict · 18/08/2011 20:34

Surely you're not for real.

Pagwatch · 18/08/2011 20:34

I have to add - have you considered the truly awful example you are both giving to your children?

Hulababy · 18/08/2011 20:36

YANBU. A family holiday should be decided upon and agreed on by the family. Your DH should not be the one choosing where you all go all the time.

"I know as head of the family he has the right to make the final decision " Absoulte nonsense. Why is he head of the family? Surely as grown adults in a relationship you are both equals.

And everyone's wishes should be taken into consideration before YOU and HE together make the final decision.

TBH I think you need to sort out the whole head of household issue first before you try and move forward with anything els.e

Original poster

RubyLT · 18/08/2011 20:37

DH is the main earner which is why he feels he should make the final decision on holidays as he pays for most of it.

OP posts:

SheCutOffTheirTails · 18/08/2011 20:40

Are you a family or a commercial organisation?

Because in a family bringing in more money doesn't give you more say.

Hulababy · 18/08/2011 20:40

How much money a person earns does not make you in charge of what happens in the fsamily, not even financially.

Presumably you make an equal controbution to family life? It may not be a financial one but there are many ways to contricute equally to family life than just earning cash.

My DH earns about 15 times more than my salary. However we have joint accounts and make joint decisions. DH would never dream of dictating what happens to us all as a family and most certainly not be deciding where we all go on holiday every year. Yes, he has a say. Just like I do. And then - because we are grown adults in a fair and loving relationship - we discuss the ideas and make a joint decision.

Oakmaiden · 18/08/2011 20:41

Madness.

My husband is the main (only) wage-earner. Which is why I take on all the difficult and time consuming tasks such as spending the money.

magicmelons · 18/08/2011 20:47

I'm not sure your children should have a say but YOU should definitely have a say. I'd go to Florida without him for this behavior. Surely it matters not who earns the money as you enable him to earn the money by taking care of the kids house etc not that this is the point. ITs your money not his money. You need to man up on this one.

magicmelons · 18/08/2011 20:48

Just read the head of the family statement. How is it there in the 50s?

ChumleeIsMyHomeboy · 18/08/2011 20:49

Pish and twaddle! Head of the family? Didn't that shit die out in the 1800's?

rhondajean · 18/08/2011 20:51

"head of the family" makes me think OP might have a strong religious belief.

They do still teach this in some religions, it can make it difficult to stand up for yourself.

Hassled · 18/08/2011 20:55

Please think this through logically. No, nothing gives him the right to take decisions that affect other people without their input and agreement. He doesn't own you.

My DH is the main earner - I earn a pittance. We went to Spain because I wanted to go to Spain and other people in the family agreed it looked good. We discussed it, and came to an agreement. That is usually how it works. Your set-up is not the normal set-up; most people don't work like this.

Pagwatch · 18/08/2011 20:56

I don't earn any money at all. That has nothing to do with anything.

The money comes into our home belong to us - just as it did when I earnt more than him.

You are supposed to be a family. You are supposed to consider each other.

What part of that is difficult?

mummytotwoboys · 18/08/2011 21:07

Tell him to book what he wants but you wont be going - then just book florida for you and the kids and say byeeeeeeeee :)

TarquinGyrfalcon · 18/08/2011 21:09

I am the only wager earner in our family but I wouldn't dream of deciding where we were holidaying - I see it as a joint decision between DH and I.
As far as I am concerned the money I earn is ours.

Rhinestone · 18/08/2011 21:12

Oh really woman, cowgirl the fuck up.

He is NOT the head of the family, you're not the bloody 'Sopranos'. Grow a backbone and INSIST on discussing it like adults.

What else do you let him make the decisions over?

AngelDelightIsIndeedDelightful · 18/08/2011 21:14

I think you have much bigger issues than where to holiday. If you aren't even allowed to contribute to that decision then what else does your husband decide for you?

It's irrelevant who earns the money. You should be a partnership and make joint decisions on important issues like this. To not even listen to your suggestions is very disrespectful of your dh. Please stick up for yourself!

cornflowers · 18/08/2011 21:14

Is there any reason why he insists on France? Not fear of flying, by any chance?

TrillianAstra · 18/08/2011 21:24

Do you contribute nothing to the family then?

You don't look after children or do housework or life admin?

You do nothing of value, so your opinions matters for nothing?

BlueFergie · 18/08/2011 21:31

I am a SAHM. My DH and I consider the moeny he earns OUR money. I work hard for it to. I look after our children, the house, shopping, most cooking all admin and organisation. We are a partnership and equals. If he decided where we were going on holiday without even discussing it with me he would be going alone.

Head of the family? Are you for real? Where for you live the 1950s?

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