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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the children and I should have a say in where we holiday?

64 replies

RubyLT · 18/08/2011 20:28

DH always chooses our holiday and it's always somewhere he will enjoy. Usually France. I like France but I'd love to take the children to Florida but DH won't even discuss it. Every year our holidays are fitted around DH with seemingly little regard to what anyone else in the family will enjoy. I know as head of the family he has the right to make the final decision but AIBU to wish we could at least discuss it and to think he should at least consider my wishes in where we holiday?

OP posts:
notcitrus · 19/08/2011 09:24

Tell him to look up how much it would cost to get a cleaner to do all the housework you do (hint: £10/hour), and a qualified person to do all the childcare you do, particularly the out of normal working hours stuff (hint: probably more than he earns a year)

And then agree that you are both contributing to the family and both should be involved in decisions!

ShoutyHamster · 19/08/2011 09:49

He doesn't earn the money, you both do. You have children, yes? Your part of the job is taking care of them so that a hefty chunk of the money coming in isn't paid out in childcare. Tot up the cost of contracting out every single job you do during your day, subtract it from your ''DH's'' wage, and there you have what he REALLY earns. Unless he is a high earner, it's most probably over half of the income.

Then add up what prioritising his 'out of the home job' has cost you in real terms. Do you have a pension? Probably not, as you have given up your career path to have children for his benefit too and to take care of them. If you wanted to go back to work, what's your earning power like now, as compared to before you became a stay-at-home-mum? Less, yes? That's another 'debit' on his side of the sheet, if one thinks like this (that's why spousal maintenance exists).

Parents who get to be doing the 'work out of the home job' whilst the other does the home half are lucky indeed. They get the best of both worlds - the home fires burning, and a life and authority outside the home. You taking the stay at home position is a big, big favour to him, and allows him to have the lifestyle he does.

Think - if you split up, would anyone say 'Well, he can't expect to see the children anymore, after all, you were the one that 'EARNED' them - i.e. brought them up, took responsibility for 'that side of things'. Of course not. Does he get a say in how your children are taught, what they do, where they go? (well yes, going by this op!!)

So why do you think that the results of the out-of-the-home part of your joint lives (i.e. the cash flow) solely 'belong' to him?

He has no more say in how the family money is spent than you do.

There is no such thing as 'the head of the house'.

A family, by definition, are a collective - or should be.

Look into booking Florida, and when he objects, say it's coming out of what he owes you in lost pension contributions :)

ShoutyHamster · 19/08/2011 09:52

Your second post, OP - tot up the real 'cost' of your family running itself, and I think you'll probably find his contribution 'pays for' less than half the holiday.

mamofK · 19/08/2011 09:55

Everyone stop getting your knickers in a twist, how easily fooled are you? - clearly a troll. Why else no response from her since initial (obviously fabricated) post?

lifechanger · 19/08/2011 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DawnTiggaFashionGoddess · 19/08/2011 10:09

Hahahahahahaha I actually had tea come out of my nose at 'head of the family'

WandersOffToFindHerCorsetAndCrinolenesTiggaxx

gorionine · 19/08/2011 10:10

Forgetting the "head of family thing", I think two people have to have the imput in the holiday destination, Mum and Dad, I imagine the nightmare if my 4 Dcs started to say "No! I do not want to go to Italy, I want to go to Timboktu!" stamping their footSmile Now your involvement certainly OP, but, guessing you are going from the UK , I magine the difference in cost between going to France (Ferry or plane) and going to Florida must be quite substential and might weigh a lot in his decision to stay "more local"?

ShoutyHamster · 19/08/2011 10:12

Grin knicker twisting is FUN though

Animation · 19/08/2011 10:19

Is this a wind up.

hocuspontas · 19/08/2011 10:31

Am I the only one who reads AIBU 'outrageous' opening posts and then immediately checks op's posting history? There are so many threads recently by posters who have obviously come on to wind everyone up that they don't justify reading let alone responding to.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/08/2011 10:31

DH is a SAHD and I am the main breadwinner so does that make me Head of the Family (Must remind DH of that before I lock him in the coal cellar for the evening).

DH usually wants to visit his family (in N Africa) so he picks that as his holiday choice and I choose something else as mine. We do one at Easter and the other in the Summer (the N Africa trip is not that expensive as we only have to pay for the flights, accomodation is free and food is cheaper than in the UK). I don't have a massive discussion with DH about my choice of destination country but we then work out the details together.

We agree a holiday budget together, with DH usually organising the North Africa trip and me the other one.

Do you discuss finances and budgeting at all? Do you make any of the financial decisions in the household?

SnapesMistress · 19/08/2011 11:16

OP is possibly a troll but if not I feel sorry for her.

Bunbaker · 19/08/2011 20:09

Where has the OP gone?

ineedabodytransplant · 19/08/2011 21:44

head of the family has told her to stop posting.

Or told her he has decided she will have another child....now

Troll

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