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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the children and I should have a say in where we holiday?

64 replies

RubyLT · 18/08/2011 20:28

DH always chooses our holiday and it's always somewhere he will enjoy. Usually France. I like France but I'd love to take the children to Florida but DH won't even discuss it. Every year our holidays are fitted around DH with seemingly little regard to what anyone else in the family will enjoy. I know as head of the family he has the right to make the final decision but AIBU to wish we could at least discuss it and to think he should at least consider my wishes in where we holiday?

OP posts:
Cheeseandharps · 18/08/2011 22:11

DH used to be like this, but I re-educated him Grin Seriously, the work you do is just as important as the work he does.

solidgoldbrass · 18/08/2011 22:14

I bet it's not just holidays that this man refuses to discuss. Ruby, his attitude is all wrong. He is not your boss, or your owner just because he is the wage-earner.

TheSkiingGardener · 18/08/2011 22:48

You are a family. A group of people who love each other and are considerate of each other. Where you go on holiday is a joint decision. Money has no place in making people's views more important.

cuttingpicassostoenails · 18/08/2011 22:56

" head of the family"

Oh dear.

OriginalPoster · 18/08/2011 23:02

If he wants to be the head, tell him you're the brains Grin

HipHopOpotomus · 18/08/2011 23:16

Is this for real?
Because he is the main breadwinner he effectively buys his own little kingdom which he rules as he pleases without regards to the wishes/desires/lives of other family members? Are you in a cult? Do you want to live your life on a dictatorship? Why do you feel you have no rights re holiday decisions?

NotQuiteSoDesperate · 18/08/2011 23:18

"Head of the family"

My DH tried that one with me...

....once....

Grin
VivaLeBeaver · 18/08/2011 23:22

Dh doesn't like the sort of holidays that me and dd like so we just go without him. I just tell him that me and dd are off to Egypt, Florida, whoever in a couple of months. He earns more than I do but that's no reason that I can't goon holiday where I want to.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 18/08/2011 23:24

I agree with head of the family - TOTALLY

His name is Alfie......hes a cat Grin

OP cant be real and if it is real get a grip woman - what kind of god awful example are you setting to your children!

duckdodgers · 18/08/2011 23:25

"I know as head of the family he has the right to make the final decision"

Oh please Hmm Do you curtesy to him to?

Im so glad that all finaces are joint between me and DH regardless of who earns more in paid employment.

notlettingthefearshow · 18/08/2011 23:25

Head of the family? I've not heard that expression for years...I hope you're not serious? It comes across a bit bullying in this day and age, to be honest.

Holiday decisions should be joint. It has nothing to do with who earns what.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 18/08/2011 23:26

Oh come on. Pull the other one.

JanMorrow · 18/08/2011 23:29

Well I never. NOBODY is the boss of me I can tell ya.

Bunbaker · 18/08/2011 23:31

"DH is the main earner which is why he feels he should make the final decision on holidays as he pays for most of it."

I can't believe that some men still believe this. OH earns far more than I do and always will do. However, we have joint accounts and his money and my money is our money. We are a partnership. He may contribute more financially, but I contribute more in terms of making a comfortable home, paying bills etc.

We discuss holidays, and if anything, it is me that makes the final decision. OH isn't a very organised person and if I left booking a holiday up to him it just wouldn't happen. He is self employed and I always sort out his travel arrangements anyway, so I have had plenty of practice.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 19/08/2011 00:00

In the very wise words of the mum in My Big Fat Greek Wedding: "The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants. "

It is a family holiday, not his. If he wants to bugger off to France every year let him go alone, but insist that you and the children get to go somewhere you like too.

DontGoCurly · 19/08/2011 00:08

head of the family

AfternoonDelight · 19/08/2011 00:52

When I was a child I always had a say in where we went on holiday.

Mind you, I always asked to go to Scarborough. Every. Single. Time.

wearenotinkansas · 19/08/2011 08:18

Grin at Oakmaiden.

I don't think people even thought like that in the fifties - well I am pretty certain my mum didn't anyway!

MrsCampbellBlack · 19/08/2011 08:21

Spat my coffee out at 'big daddy' Grin

catgirl1976 · 19/08/2011 08:57

Head of the Family? Good God.

I am the main earner in our house. I am not the "Head of the Family" nor do I have "the right to decide" where we go on holiday. My DH is a man with a penis and stuff but that doesnt make him "Head of the Family" either.

We talk and plan things together and consider each other equals in a partnership...........you should see if you can get your DH to try it but it sounds like he has very old fashioned views so it might be difficult.

Am Shock for you. Good luck

NunTheWiser · 19/08/2011 09:02

OP, you have far bigger problems than no say in holiday destinations.
FGS, "head of the family", just because he gets a pay check? Do you contribute nothing to the running of the family and household?

nannyl · 19/08/2011 09:06

Head of the family Shock Shock Shock

Are you living in 1911? or 2011?

move into the 21st century.... of course you have a say in where you go..... and the ultimate decision is NOT his (or hers).... its yours (as in both your and his)

StrandedBear · 19/08/2011 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 19/08/2011 09:18

DH is the main earner which is why he feels he should make the final decision on holidays as he pays for most of it.

Er . . . speechless . . . almost . . .

Is this a cultural thing at all?

Do YOU rate the job that you do (I assume you look after the kids and home) at all?!?!?!? Does your husband.

Seriously, is this thread a fucking joke?

ComradeJing · 19/08/2011 09:22

:o A man with penis and stuff.

Good one OP :o