to think 'How are you going to feed your baby?' is a stupid question??

[RebelFromTheWaistDown]

I am pg with DC4 so I should be used to this question by now!

But the first time I was asked this with DC1 (I was 18) I was stumped, there was a long pause before the MW said 'breast or bottle?'.

'Oh' I said 'Breast, of course' as I had only ever known breastfeeding within my own (quite large) family, and I had seen people express to bottle feed too. I had never realised it was a choice between breast or bottle. How sheltered I was!

Has anyone else ever thought of it this way? Or AIBU?

Lonnie it is a necessary question for some women im afraid.I have had a double mastectomy,do you think i should just be ignored as i am in the minority?I can think of no other minority group that would be acceptable for. Ther are also many other valid reasons for choosing to ff. I bf my first 3 very well and was determined to do so even at 17. A question like this would have had no bearing on my choice whatsoever,i would have simply replied "id like to breast feed" I am sure the implecation that there is another alternative isnt a revealation for most women.

ldkr no I do not feel you should be ignored however I very much feel your mw should have been informed of such a issue prior to her first appointment with you so you would not have to deal with discussing that with her.

Sadly yes for many it is a "i felt put on the sport question" and it is wonderful that you managed to feed your first 3 and are comfortable/ happy with that choice but would it not be much better if everyone felt comfortable/happy with their choice? For me that question doesnt aid with achieving that.

Well expressed Lonnie - I just think there are so many subtle ways that women are made to feel that bf is going to be difficult so we start out thinking that it's something we may not 'succeed' with and so I bet lots don't even try or get the message that it's very understandable that they may not get very far with it.

There's also a lot of talk about the need for support - yes, support is great but tbh I think I'd also need support to ff! What with all the powders and bottles and teats and sterillising and going up and downstairs with a hungry baby umpteen times - once you really get going with bf, whipping your top up is remarkably convenient in comparison.

Formula is a great invention for times of necessity but I've never seen any source that claims it can in any way be 'better' than breastmilk. The WHO also goes as far as to say that the "vast" majority of women and the "vast" majority of babies can bf. That's quite a statement for which they must have supporting evidence but yet if I had a pound for every time I've personally heard of someone being unable to bf both on mn and in real life... That isn't a personal comment to you, LadyClarice or anyone else on this thread as I obviously have no knowledge of your personal circumstances. It's just a comment on the sheer number of times I've heard of this even within my own limited experience.

My last post on this:

It's a choice.

But i seriously cannot imagine how that question would sway your choices u less you were very weak willed. Mw dont always have access to your medical records at the booking in appointment and personally i would have found it far more uncomfortable for it to be assumed that i would be breast feeding and not given the choice to discuss ff.
To be honest i know what you are saying but i think all the people i know who are dead against it would not be swayed at all as they have very strong views on it.I feel more effort should be put into the people that want to and then if more people were sucessfull it would become more the norm which would in turn encourage others.

clueless if you have been lucky enough to be able to breast feed how can you possibly have any opinion on others being unable to.
There are many reasons for women being unable to bf,i have genuinely known women not produce any milk or have sever mastiitis. I personally sufferred form extreme engorement with my first and it was agony,now i persevered but i could entirely understand why someon else in differnet circumstances wouldnt be able to.It took weeks for me to be comfortabel again and for the baby to be able to latch onto my engorged breasts,if i had had other children or a lower pain tolerance id have given up for sure. My friend produced hardly any milk i saw it for myself,her baby became jaundiced and lost weight,she was desperate to feed but needed to put her ds first.
My dd has cleft palate-had i been able to feed i wouldnt have been able to due to this and she was so ill i wouldnt have been able to express cos i was up and down to the hospital and seeing to dd1 as well.
Just a few examples of being unable the bf cause is admirable but please accept there are exeptions.

apologies for typos i was wincing at the memory of engorgement

Ledkr

Sadly I have seen peope swayed in both directions because of that question some women I would never have called weak willed.

Hence I remain of the opinion the question isnt a productive one to move towards a situation where all women feel comfortable and happy with their choices.

No I dont have a better suggestion believe me I would have been shouting it from the rooftops if I did.

Sorry, new here so forgive any mistakes.

I think the question should be "Do you know how Breastfeeding Works/about Breast Feeding?" or something alon those lines.

The answers could** be Yes, No or I intend to Bottle Feed.

If yes, the MW could say "great, I'll give you these leaflets though as they contain some good information" etc etc

If No, the MW could again say "Ok well I have some leaflets here that contain some good information, have a read through and if you have any questions just ask"

If I intend to bottle feed, the MW could say "Ok, well here are some leaflets containing some good info on bottle feeding/making up bottles/sterilising etc but may I also give you some of the breast feeding leaflets as well"

(obviously this doesn't have to be word for word, I'm just trying to get an idea out there, Please don't hesitate to give me reasons why this wouldn't work)

With the intending to bottle feed mum, some might read the leaflets on BF, some might even think "hey, I'll give this a try" and some might just throw the leaflets in the bin without reading them.

I do think this would send out the message that BF is the normal & natural way to feed a baby, but the information is provided on both ways of feeding therefore not excluding woman over another.

That was probably more of a ramble than anything else but I hope I made sense.

** I'm fully aware answers may not be restricted to the 3 options I gave here.

Ledkr - bf can be bloody hard going, all my whinging on the feeding forum will testify plus a nasty run in with deep-tissue thrush so I literally feel the pain and I know there are loads of people who have tonnes worse than that. I'm not trying to take away from that - I think I'm just biased by the 7 out of 15 new mums I know personally who moved very swiftly onto ff saying it wasn't 'possible' for them to bf and feel like I hear it all the time!

I also answered 'breast' with DC1 thinking it would be easy. How wrong I was - and mostly it has been bottle. But didn't find the question odd since I have am quite remarkably observant and had actually been aware of the concept of 'bottles' for years.

I do hate the 'are you feeding the baby yourself?' phrasing though. Unless you have a very lovely wetnurse on hand of course.

Yabu to be as surprised by a question 3 kids later, as you were as a teen....

Wow Thanks for those replies and for understanding my puzzlement on being asked that question for the first time.

I do think 'Do you intend to breastfeed or bottle feed?' would have been a more appropriate way of asking a first time mum. But even better would be to be provided with information about baby feeding and THEN asked the question.

I have befriended many other mums since becoming one and nearly all have formula fed from birth or from the first few weeks after birth.

One friend of mine told me she admired my decision to breastfeed as she would have liked to give her kids the best start but that she couldn't do it. I assumed she couldn't for a medical reason. I later found out that she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She is a wonderful loving mum and would do anything for her kids - but would not breastfeed them.

And having had so much opposition to my decision to bf by XP's family (DC1 was formula fed behind my back) I can now understand how some young mums come to make the 'choice' to formula feed their babies!

I think, bibbity...you might be right..I think.. I like to tell people I'm going to feed my baby crack and walkers crisps...