to think 'How are you going to feed your baby?' is a stupid question??

[RebelFromTheWaistDown]

I am pg with DC4 so I should be used to this question by now!

But the first time I was asked this with DC1 (I was 18) I was stumped, there was a long pause before the MW said 'breast or bottle?'.

'Oh' I said 'Breast, of course' as I had only ever known breastfeeding within my own (quite large) family, and I had seen people express to bottle feed too. I had never realised it was a choice between breast or bottle. How sheltered I was!

Has anyone else ever thought of it this way? Or AIBU?

No, I don't think it is a stupid question. I have worked with teenagers who did not realise that breasts are for feeding babies - they seriously had no idea that breastfeeding existed, let alone was usually the best way to feed a baby.

I think the question would be worded better as "How do you PLAN to feed your baby?" for obvious reasons.

I also think that the support available for those who say they plan to breastfeed is sorely lacking but that is a whole other thread.

YABU. You must have known that not everybody breastfeeds.

Yabu, there are loads of ways to feed your baby, breast, bottle, expressed breast milk via bottle, formula, mixed feeding, breast in the day, bottle at night, the possibilities are endless. All of them should be discussed with the pros and cons of each so you can make an informed choice as to which best suits your personal circumstances, and so you get the right support. Research also shows that the majority of women have already thought about how they will be feeding before they even go to their booking appointment, so 8 weeks is not really too early.

not a stupid question at all imo, it goes in your notes. mine has 'declined information about bf' as i bf DD and know what to do if i choose to do it again.

i was 17 when i had DD and managed to surprise 2 midwives and my health visitor that i was bf'ing. just because we were young doesnt mean we have not thought about 'breast is best', condescending twats they were.

yabu, for many reasons, as has been pointed out - is this a smug boast about breastfeeding by stealth? I come from a family of bf too but I knew that the alternative was actually far more common.

What I do find odd though is "Are you feeding him yourself?" which I always get asked. Err, no, I get my maid to do it

Going straight from childhood into motherhood was a wake up for me. I was surprised when I was in the hospital after having DC1 that so many of the other babies were formula fed from birth.

No, I really had never previously thought about the different ways of feeding babies (why should I? A school kid!) and yes, I really did think everyone breastfed their babies from birth! I guess I was a teenager living in a bubble not really thinking about the different ways that people choose to live their lives.

All the babies that I had close contact with as a child were breastfed. My 3 older sisters laughed when I told them about this at the time. I laugh about it now! I am ready for the question again on my next MW appointment! I just wondered if anyone else had thought like this?

Or is it just me?

YABU, it's a perfectly reasonable question. Being asked 'are you breastfeeding' by home visit midwife made me cry. I tried and failed - I would much preferred to be asked how I was feeding my baby

I am frequently suprised by how few mothers (of healthy, full term pregnancies and uncomplicated deliveries, before anyone says it) even attempt breastfeeding where I live. I did assume that more people at least had a go.

But I still don't think it's a stupid question for the MWs to ask. There is a choice, they are just asking you which one you are going to make.

You're confusing me

Ok, if you really were that sheltered at 18 that you never noticed women formula feeding in the wider world, that's fair enough.

But your OP says I am pg with DC4 so I should be used to this question by now!

Yes, you should...because now you know that loads of women formula feed and the MW will want to know what you are choosing to do.

Sorry. I AM used to this question now! I should be!

I fucking hated that question when it came after my baby was born 'how are you feeding your baby?' I was devastated that I couldn't BF my baby and got very sick very quick of having to explain myself to every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Fine for a HV to ask but I don't understand why everyone was so obsessed with how I was feeding my baby.

I think it's a reasonable question and I am always surprised when I hear about people who haven't even thought about what they plan to do.

op are you just remembering?

Is this an AIBU in the past? as in, were you being unreasonable in those days?

In this context it makes no sense... unfortunately.

Are you bragging or complaining?

WAS I being unreasonable then? Has anyone else ever thought of that question the way I did THEN as a very green 18yo?

I guess it must be just me then!

No, just wondering.

I think it was understandable( to a degree) as an 18 year old ...I guess?

Even though all your family members BF , you would have been half asleep not to notice bottles as an alternative :)

Yes feminine, I was always well known for walking around in a daze. I'll not reveal the nick-name my family know me by as it will out me but you can probably guess!

desserts is your post for here? :)

But seeing as you are here ,any particular reason hayden is a cause of

no meant to be on baby names

"I just wondered if anyone else had thought like this?"

But you havent really made it clear what you mean - that you still think its a stupid question? And why you think its stupid? Because of course its not - 2 methods of feeding a newborn so it has to be 1 of them!

OP YANBU
OK when I was pregnant I had more of a clue but I managed to get to adulthood without baby formula really registering on my radar. Neither did breastfeeding. I hadn't come across a lot of babies and hadn't ever really considered that they needed to be fed :o

I saw SMA in a shop once and just assumed it was some sort of potato product

It's a fair question. I too would hope I would breastfeed if at all possible, but not everyone wants to be tied to doing all the feeds. My friend who has breastfed immediately had a lot more independence than those who bf, and it allowed her husband to join in.

There are arguments for both sides and it is a decision that all new mothers/parents must make. Some mothers may be offended if a health professional assumed one way or the other.

So basically it was a surprising question for you to be asked in the context of you as a novice 18 YO who'd only ever been exposed to breastfeeding.

But outside that context, i.e. in the real world, it's hardly a stupid question, is it?

It's a totally legitimate question which pretty much HAS to be asked of all Mums, right?

I say this as someone who was only ever going to breastfeed, and whose 1YO has never drunk from a bottle, and whose own mother breastfed both of us, but due to not living under a rock am aware that bottle-feeding is extremely prevalent.