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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is the worst example of gender bollocks I've found?

348 replies

nenevomito · 18/08/2011 10:05

So the Studio Christmas book arrived on my doorstep yesterday. I once ordered some personalised pencils and have forever more been on their radar.

I have had to put it away as I am so fucking angry that they are selling shite like this.
I want to be Girls dress up set

A horse rider, a maid, a nurse a ballerina or a beautician.

A Maid???? Yeah set the bar high on aspiration there you knobbers.

So what about the boys set? Is it as pathetic?

I want to be boys dress up

A businessman, a pilot, an astronaut, a postman and a policeman.

How the hell have we got to 2011 where this shit is still acceptable. I am not saying that girls shouldn't want to be those things, but why the hell isn't the girls "I want to be dress up set" - Doctor, business woman, pilot, astronaut?

Maid???? You are SHITTING me Studio!

Then I made the mistake of searching for girls roleplay and discovered they carried on with the theme. Sure. Why not. Let me set aspiration and expectation in my daughter by dressing her as a maid and giving her the laundry set complete with pink fucking whirlygig washing line. for the Girls roleplay

I don't often rant on here but Angry.

OP posts:
gaaagh · 18/08/2011 12:08

This is what happened with hairdressing, when it was mostly a woman's job it was looked down. Since men entered the field it has become more respectful job, a 'creative' and not so bad paid profession.

Laquitar I believe Russia has seen the equivalent opposite wrt medical staff - as more women entered the workforce, being a Doctor has become an increasingly feminine profession, and it's had a huge impact on salaries - I think mostly in the late 1990s? At least that was the case the last time I was talking to a female friend of mine who worked in Russia for a few years a few years ago (russian DH).

Ephiny · 18/08/2011 12:13

I see what you mean tethersend and I do agree. I don't actually think there's anything wrong with pink and sparkly stuff etc - it's not really to my taste, but if kids like it then why not! But I think a lot of the exasperation comes from the way it's aggressively marketed to girls, and how if you have a little girl you end up with mountains of this stuff bought by relatives, regardless of whether she actually likes it or not, and how there's such a strong cultural expectation for everything related to girls to be all pink and princessy and nothing else.

robotlollypopman · 18/08/2011 12:17

You're all being ricockulous. I understand that you're feminists and I think you're doing a really good job, all by yourselves but these costumes are for children. They're not magic costumes like in that episode of Buffy where they turned into the character their costume represented. Would you be happier if they had the maid's outfit for boys? How about cat costumes for dogs? Stop looking too deeply into everything, in the vague hope you can be offended.

Laquitar · 18/08/2011 12:18

Wow! Thats interesting gaaagh.

GeekCool, yes, chef is a very good example! I think 'manny' will be the next one. A 23 yo nanny in london makes 50k gross in a nannyshare position (50 hrs a week thu) yet people still call it 'low pay job'.

SiamoFottuti · 18/08/2011 12:18

I'm guessing you dressed up as a knobber when you were little, robot, and look at the effect it had on you. Hmm

ChristinedePizan · 18/08/2011 12:20

That is utterly crap but I'm (sadly) not surprised. I do think toys are increasingly gender divided or they seem to have become so since I was a child. I'm sure the toys were divided into trains/dolls/cars rather than boys toys and girls toys which is increasingly what I see in toy shops/

My friend bought DS a tea set for his birthday and it took her a really long time to find one that wasn't pink and glittery (which he wouldn't have played with because he associates that with girls). A fucking tea set!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 18/08/2011 12:22

ARF Siamo

deariedearieme · 18/08/2011 12:24

calm down love, its no good for you

handbagCrab · 18/08/2011 12:25

In the big hierarchy of jobs nurse is lower status than doctor and maid is lower than astronaut. Main reasons being you need more intelligence, qualifications and skills to be an astronaut over a maid. It doesn't mean the work isn't valuable or the people that do those jobs shouldn't be respected, but they're not equal in a hierarchy nor can they be. Lower status jobs in a hierarchy shouldn't automatically be assigned to girls, which they have mainly been in this case.

My problem with sparkly pink vs blue, blue & more blue is that it seems to be to the exclusion of other options rather than an equal choice with other things. Trying to buy baby clothes that aren't blue, pink or beige is proving difficult!

tethersend · 18/08/2011 12:28
EuphemiaMcGonagall · 18/08/2011 12:28

I was dismayed to hear a man in a toy shop tell his young son that he couldn't have a kitchen set because "those are for girls". Sad

The man looked in his late 20s/early 30s. Men need to be on board with opening children's minds, and setting good examples by being equal partners in the home.

From the number of threads about the latter I see on here, we have a long way to go!

SaffronCake · 18/08/2011 12:30

Sometimes I take my 10m/o DD to the park in boys clothes.

At first it was because they're the ones I inherited from my sisters boy, so it didn't matter if they got trashed. But now I keep doing it because when I turn loose what looks like a boy other parents don't feel the need to step in and save her from falling over/ climbing up things/ rolling about on the floor getting filthy. Instead of her name I've taken to using her nickname because it's gender-neutral.

I find it sad that she can't be allowed to play and develop her full physical potential in pink dresses too, only in denim shorts and blue t-shirts. I find it even sadder that it's other parents stereotyping her.

Retaillers sell this shit because parents buy it.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 18/08/2011 12:32
Grin

Siamo, I do like you.

I always wonder if people who make the 'ooh, they're only costumes' argument are spectacularly stupid and really don't understand the (well known, much studied) correlations, or if they're hoping the reality will all go away if they close their eyes tight enough.

LtEveDallas · 18/08/2011 12:58

My mum (you know, the one with a soldier daughter) was horrified when my great neice (then about 7) asked me if I would get her a 'combat uniform and a big rucksack' from work. She phoned my neice (the mum) and told her she shouldn't let her have it and phoned me telling me I shouldn't get it. I told her she was being ridiculous.

Couple of weeks later, once Great Neice had the uniform (I actually bought her one in her size from the Army and Navy stores) my nephew (10) asked if he could have one so that he and great neice could be the same (they've been bought up more like brother and sister). My mum was conspicuous in her absence this time, so I phoned her. This time I got "well he's a boy, girls shouldn't wear them".....helllllooooo, what do you think I'm wearing right now? Grrrr Angry

Saffron - I've had exactly the same problem with DD - she's never happier than when she's climbing trees or throwing herself off climbing frames - It was much less hassle when her hair was shorter, I didn't get half the looks I do now (although she's currently taken to sporting a tutu over her leggings, so I suppose its going to get worse)

ThePosieParker · 18/08/2011 13:02

I was listening to someone being interviewed on R4, John Humphries, and he said the reason he wanted to be a journo was because Clark Kent was one and he wanted to be superman. As he grew the desire to be Superman faded and journo stayed. That was from five years old.

Takeresponsibility · 18/08/2011 13:02

When my daughter was small her professional aspirations veered between being a Doctor and working in Little Chef. The major attraction of the Little Chef job was that the waitress at our local one had a shiny red coupé (when they were rare) and she associated that job with the car.

Her father was outraged that she wanted such a low status job, I was proud that she saw having a job and earning her own living as a means to achieving her desires rather than wanting to marry a millionaire or be a pop star.

She's now a psychotherapist so we must have done something right (she says she had early training growing up in a family of nutters - I don't subscribe to that theory!)

My point is a daughter's most important female role model is her mother, pink and sparkly are not issues if the mental grounding is that you can do anything you set your mind to, other peoples attitudes to your gender are their problem. Of course if you get your own way by manipulating your daughter's father or the benefit system to get what you want that is the example she will learn from you.

pinkhyena · 18/08/2011 13:11

YANBU at all.

What annoys me more though is the fact that every toy seems to have a pink version for girls! Surely it can't be healthy to have all pink everything?

MumblingRagDoll · 18/08/2011 13:14

Saffron that is so cool...my DH always use to buy our DD1 boys clothes...he just liked them and liked her being more comfy when playing.

My DDs wear gender neutral clothes.

ChristinedePizan · 18/08/2011 13:18

I was at the park the other day and there were at least 2 young girls there wearing what to me looked like (quite long) party dresses. How on earth can you climb up on the fort if you have a mass of tulle around your ankles?

tethersend · 18/08/2011 13:21

But isn't it ok if they prefer skipping in party dresses to climbing a fort?

Whatmeworry · 18/08/2011 13:22

My point is a daughter's most important female role model is her mother, pink and sparkly are not issues if the mental grounding is that you can do anything you set your mind to, other peoples attitudes to your gender are their problem

Agree - set high expectations and good reasonable examples at home and the rest is small beer IMO

Original poster
nenevomito · 18/08/2011 13:23

Can I just be clear that I am not knocking any of the jobs represented by the kit whatsoever. I am knocking the fact that the boys costumes are generally for high status, well paid jobs where the girls costumes are not. "I want to be" suggests that they are aspirational.

I know I'm not explaining well, but lots of pps explained it a lot better than I can!

OP posts:
EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 18/08/2011 13:29

I agree completely with the OP.

I'm not overly impressed with the astronaut costume. It reminded me of this

ChristinedePizan · 18/08/2011 13:33

Well yes, but they were in the playground and that's (the fort) all there is to do. One of them tried to climb up and gave up because she kept stepping on the edges of her dress.

Whatmeworry · 18/08/2011 13:34

Am thinking if the boys' kit had a waiter costume my lot would have had a ball AND I could've got my wine and coffee delivered to my chair :o