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Original poster

To be cross with my nanny?

259 replies

Maria101 · 18/08/2011 09:51

I have my own internet business and work from home. I have a part time nanny who comes three days a week to look after my 1-year-old. She's generally great, however, at the start of the summer holidays she mentioned (didn't really ask) she might have to bring her 6-year-old son along some days. Tbh I didn't mind this, as she made it sound like an occasional thing, and my daughter likes him and likes having other children around.

However, she started bringing him every single time. During my baby's nap times instead of cleaning the bottles/high chair, making meals etc, like she did before, she would sit and read to him on my sofa while I was working in the next room. Also, all their activities would involve going to the park etc, instead of going to playgroups (presumably because he would get bored). Other things bothered me, such as once my daughter messed her nappy just as the nanny arrived with her son, who wanted toast. She said to me, 'You deal with that (the nappy), while I make him (her son) some toast'. Stupidly I did, even though she had technically started work.

Last week I told her not to bring her son anymore because it's too distracting having him here in the house while I try to work. She was OK about it, and didn't bring him, but today I got a text at 8.30 (she's due here at 9) asking if she could bring him because her sister couldn't have him. She suggested picking my daughter up and taking her to her house. But surely this is childminding? Plus, I had purposefully left some jobs for her to do in nap time (make a shepherds pie). I said not to worry so now I don't have any childcare today.

I'm fuming. My main problems are: a) I don't want her son in my house when I'm trying to work, but equally I don't want my daughter out every single day (her initial solution to my finding her son too distracting). b) I want her to work during my daughter's nap times, and not play with her son or do her own housework (which she'd probably do if my daughter went to her house). c) she treats our arrangement like a casual agreement between friends, when I'm paying her to do a job. For example, there was no apology this morning for letting me down and making me work tonight after my daughter has gone to bed (if I don't work during the day it has to get done at some point).

Should I a) just cancel our contract and look for another childminder/nanny? Tackle it head on Monday morning and then have the awkwardness that would follow?

Sorry for the rant, but I'm furious! PS, I know part of this is my fault for being too laid back with her in the first place but for the most part she's a good nanny but she seems to be getting worse and taking the pi**.

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 22/08/2011 20:51

In my experience, childcare isn't so overwhelming that you can't manage 5 hours without a break Confused What if you work long days with a child who doesn't nap anyway?

You can still have a cuppa while looking after children, and you can still go to playgroups and playdates for a bit of adult interaction.

Honestly, I doubt there are any nannies or childminders out there who can't work 5 hours in one go - or else they'd choose a different career.

Poshbaggirl · 22/08/2011 20:58

You could be a bit more sisterly. We are not Victorians with servants. You should get a nanny with no children.
Gonna shut up as i'm really mad at how unkind you are being.
Clever you for having your own business and working from home. The rest of us manage that and bringing up our children and being single. AND i might add that i give my 8 female staff child friendly hours and contracts.
Up your game sister.

RitaMorgan · 22/08/2011 21:01

Yeah, refusing to employ nannies with children is very sisterly!

Do you let your staff bring their children to work then?

trixymalixy · 22/08/2011 21:06

Quite right, she should sack her nanny purely for having children and ask at the interview for a replacement whether they have children Hmm

Better she should employ two nannies so they can allow each other to have breaks....

Bonsoir · 22/08/2011 21:15

"Mathanxiety... its completely normal for nannies to attend playgroups.... and normally there may only be 1 or 2 other nannies there, and far more mums
(sometimes some grandparents and CMs too)
(only exception seems to be nappy valley in london (where all the toddler groups are full with long waiting lists, and there are so many nannies that some groups exclude nannies, and some nannies make their own nanny groups)"

I can only speak anecdotally, but when my DD was a very small baby and I was in England having recently given birth, I received a telephone call out of the blue one day from another new mother who had got my telephone number from my HV. The mother was setting up a mother & baby/toddler group for babies in a local pre-school (out of hours), for which she/we received a local council subsidy. That playgroup, and many, many other local mother & baby/toddler groups, excluded any one other than mothers and their own children, with the single exception of childminders who were minding another baby to their own. Nannies were not allowed (or the subsidy would have been lost).

MightyQuim · 22/08/2011 21:15

But the point is that if the OP wasn't bothered about her child having 1 on 1 care she could use a childminder a lot cheaper. If it was just a one-off then fair enough but every day of the summer is taking the pee.

ThePathanKhansWoman · 22/08/2011 21:19

Poshbaggirl i think i love you. Brilliant post, can i come and work for you?

Poshbaggirl · 22/08/2011 21:46

Rita and trixie. You got me wrong. What i mean is that we should understand the needs of people we employ in order to have a win win situation. If you employ someone with children you shouldnt be surprised that when the school holidays come they then have childcare issues too. Why should the child of the nanny be shipped off somewhere else? The OP is behaving like an oppressive victorian male imo. My staff can work 10-3 and have reduced hours in the hols. When i have university students dovetail the hours. I have a very happy team and zero staff turnover. I work around my children and have never had a nanny or aupair.
So give me a medal please. Grin

RitaMorgan · 22/08/2011 21:49

So do you let your staff bring their children to work or not?

Poshbaggirl · 22/08/2011 22:11

If my staff had childcare issues i ensure there is scope in their contract for them to look after their own children.

nannyl · 22/08/2011 22:12

Id never nanny for any parent who considered me their staff!

trixymalixy · 22/08/2011 22:13

So what part of " you should get a nanny with no children" did I misunderstand?

RitaMorgan · 22/08/2011 22:15

So bringing them in to work with them every day through the summer holidays then? Or do your staff have to ship their children off somewhere else Shock

Poshbaggirl · 22/08/2011 22:28

Its not unrrasonable to have someone to look after your children who doesnt themselves have their own children to lool after. Unless like i've said you are Victorian. Which is why nannies are often either older, younger or have no children. Its called society. Its madness to have someone look after someone elses children And someone else looks after their children. Wheres the harm in this nanny bringing her child into a childcare situation? Extended families? Social caring? Was the OP unaware that schools close for 13+weeks per year?

Poshbaggirl · 22/08/2011 22:31

Nanny1 no one is calling a nanny staff. My employees work in retail. OK with you to call them staff?

RitaMorgan · 22/08/2011 22:31

So you are saying you don't think nannies with their own children should be employed Hmm Maybe no women with children should be employed then...

Are you aware that schools close for 13+ weeks a year Poshbaggirl? Do you expect your employees to bring their children with them during that time?

If the nanny in question wanted to bring her own child to work, she should have found a job that accomodated that.

Poshbaggirl · 22/08/2011 22:33

but then i'd never have a nanny. Call me a MN martyr.

nannyl · 22/08/2011 22:34

of course retail employees are staff

As a nanny i am not staff!

I guess nannies who take jobs in fully staffed households are staff, Most nannies who work for more "normal" families are NOT staff and neither their bosses or themselves would consider them to be staff either....

this is a thread about nannies, so discussing staff seems almost irrelevant to me.

trixymalixy · 22/08/2011 22:37

Poshbaggirl, it is fairly common for nannies to bring their children to work but there's normally a reduction in salary compared to the equivalent job giving 1-1 care to their charge. This isn't the case here, the nanny is taking the piss and not keeping to the agreed contract which is for 1-1 care.

Poshbaggirl · 22/08/2011 22:40

Dont get your knickers in a twist.
I just do my best to accomodate everyone, my children first, anyone whos wages i pay next and me last. I just try to be understanding of everyones needs and have created jobs that keep everyone happy. So sue me.
I know that it suits Mums to work in the term and university students to work in tbe holidays.
Anything else you want to twist around that i've said?

Poshbaggirl · 22/08/2011 22:43

Sorry, but anyone who gets paid to do a job is staff. You are being precious and sniffy to think that being a nanny is somehow a special thing that is elevated beyond staff.

RitaMorgan · 22/08/2011 22:56

You haven't said whether you expect your employees to bring their children to work in the holidays Poshbaggirl - or does that just apply to other people?

Poshbaggirl · 22/08/2011 23:17

Rita, chill out. What i have said is that i'm flexible. Who'd want to bring their child to work? I offer hours that mean Mums can be at home in the holidays if they need to be.
Zzzzzzzzz bored now. Theres a far more interesting thread about cat food going on elsewhere.......

RitaMorgan · 22/08/2011 23:20

Who'd want to bring their child to work? That's what this thread is about Grin

So the OP should allow her employee to bring her child to work, but you don't allow your employees to do the same. Why is it different for you?

Poshbaggirl · 22/08/2011 23:29

Errr der. Would you go into a shop and expect to find it full of the staffs kids? Geeez, Hmm like i said........cat food thread.