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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So do I just have to accept that being married means I have to do fuckin everything?

100 replies

Mrsgilbertgrape · 17/08/2011 17:24

sorry about the language but I am so angry.

Why is it that nothing, not even the simplest of instructions manage to get into his thick head.

I should have known that sending him to the shops would be a disaster, I should have known that don't use the red bank card use the blue one (said three times) would mean that he goes uses the fuckin red one!!

Now we are overdrawn and leaving to go visit family tonight and I have noway to get funds into the overdrawn account.

That's us landed with £90 bank charges, have tried calling the bank to extend overdraft etc but nope can't be done.

Please tell me I am being unreasonable so I stop wanting to stick the red bank card up his arse!

OP posts:
deariedearieme · 17/08/2011 17:31

ahhh the smell of burning martyr in the evening

BertieBotts · 17/08/2011 17:32

Um.. no YANBU! Make sure you do it widthways Grin

OnlyWantsOne · 17/08/2011 17:34

why did he have the red one if it shouldnt have been used?

YANBU

However.... its done now...

GeneralDreedlesNurse · 17/08/2011 17:37

Do you get everthing right first time all of the time? If not, YABU

Chill, your DH is a grown up let him sort it out. If you act like a martyr and do everything for him, where is the incentive for him to take responsibility and get things right (or, more accurately do things your way)?

barbiegrows · 17/08/2011 17:42

Why did he use the red bank card?

Because he wanted to make a point that he should not be going to do the shopping.

Will you let him make that point again? Without a doubt, or you may as well give up now.

Original poster
Mrsgilbertgrape · 17/08/2011 17:42

They were both in the car and rather than go out and remove the red one before he left I thought he would be able to remember this fairly simple instruction Hmm

OP posts:
create · 17/08/2011 17:45

Oh dear. This sounds like exactly the kind of complaint I have for about 7 days every month. The rest of the time DH is strangely capable/helpful/reasonable/able to sort his own screw-ups Wink

IndigoBell · 17/08/2011 17:45

Is he colour blind? An awful lot of men are and don't want to admit it.

He may only be able to tell them apart with difficulty.......

But I do agree, make sure he does the shop every week, and eventually he'll get the hang of it :)

GeneralDreedlesNurse · 17/08/2011 17:47

...to me, "Don't use the ered bank card" three times is nagging, "please don't use the red bank card as we'll be overdrawn if you do" gives him an explanation and treats him like an equal rather than another child.

Guess he may have form though for such an adverse reaction from you

carpetlover · 17/08/2011 17:48

Why are you acting like his mother? Why doesn't he know the situation with the bank cards? Why do so many women treat their husbands like teenage boys? He's a grown-up and if he isn't then you shouldn't have married him! Hmm

Original poster
Mrsgilbertgrape · 17/08/2011 17:48

Not not pmt, it's just as terrible losing £90 in the middle of my cycle as what it is at the start/end.

No he is definitely not colour blind! He is a few other things though!!

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 17/08/2011 17:49

Maybe he's colour blind?? I'm sure he can read "Barclays" or "Santander" or whatever banks they are Confused

cjbartlett · 17/08/2011 17:51

He sounds like an idiot!!

create · 17/08/2011 17:53

Ok, but if it's his mistake, why are you doing all the phoning to try and sort it out? Even with DC, if they have to sort out their own errors, they tend to learn from them.

Original poster
Mrsgilbertgrape · 17/08/2011 17:55

He does know the situation with the bank cards, I checked the bank before he left and told him. Had he have checked the bank he would still have used the red card because it does not matter what he does stupid me will sort his mess out for him!

Yes I am a mug and yes it's my own doing but for goodness sake I would have expected him to do something this simple without me having to hold his hand.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 17/08/2011 17:56

If somone gave me simple instructions on how to shop and told me 3 times which colour bank card to use I'd use the wrong one on purpose.

create · 17/08/2011 17:58

Get yourself set up for on-line banking, then you would have been able to make an instant payment to cover it from the other account same day (or get DH to set up internet banking Grin )

Original poster
Mrsgilbertgrape · 17/08/2011 18:00

create I phoned up because it's easier, will wait for you all to jump on me now Blush I do treat him like a child but it's only because he acts like one [rips hair out emoticon]

Have just realised today how bad I have let it get, god even if he had phoned the bank he would need me there to give him our postcode/sort code/security code!!!

OP posts:
create · 17/08/2011 18:03

Yes, I know, I'm a control freak too Grin but when we've set it up that we do everything, we can't really complain...although I do loudly for one week a month

create · 17/08/2011 18:06

It's a bit like my MIL "can't" put petrol in her own car...because that's what FIL has always told her. If he'd helped her to do it once or twice, she'd be more than capable/have the confidence to do it and he'd save himself a job

Georgimama · 17/08/2011 18:07

Your husband doesn't know your postcode? How is that possible?

Stop treating him like a child. Stop acting like his mother. Leave him to clear up his own mistakes. It isn't easier to do everything for him, is it, because this is the result - he is a giant manchild and you sound like a shrew get wound up by it.

Georgimama · 17/08/2011 18:09

Is your user name indicative of some actual issue with your husband btw? I mean does he actually have some sorting of special needs? If so you possibly are being unreasonable expecting him to get the bank card right.

Original poster
Mrsgilbertgrape · 17/08/2011 18:10

Well I usually try and fill up the car because I don't trust him to not fill it up with diesel!

He does not know our postcode because he has never bothered to learn it, he just shouts for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsgilbertgrape · 17/08/2011 18:12

No special needs that I know of, but I have Wondered in the past!

Mean that in all seriousness not as a joke.

OP posts:
Sukie1971 · 17/08/2011 18:13

Are you sure youre not married to my XH?

Thats why I divorced him, because of his unreasonable behaviour, and his complete inability to realise Im not his mother man up and act his age.