I am posting here for honest responses to do not hold back!

[kidsandexesequalsnightmare]

Ex and I are separated, we have dc, one of whom as SN, Autism.

Ex and his family are very, very heavy drinkers. They get legless at every family occasion they have. Ex and ex FIL especially get into terrible states. MIL flaps around them like a wet hen when they get into this state and completely obsesses over them, ie getting them to bed, making sure they dont get up again, running off to find them if one goes walkabout and so on and on.

I have witnessed on two occasions her disregarding her own personal safety to chase around after ex when he was drunk, even drink driving herself on one occasion.

Ex wants to take the dc to a big family occasion this weekend. There will be much drinking and ex just cannot handle his drink at all. He will have a drink and get drunk there is no question of it.

AIBU to not want my dc to go. I do not trust ex to care for them properly and have full awareness of their needs after a certain stage of drink. He also talks about taking the dc away to spend time with his parents and again I do not want this to happen. My ex FIL winds my dd up mercilessly, they have no awareness of DS's SN, well MIL does FIL does not and does not bother to find out.

However on the flip side they do adore the dc but just have real problems putting children before drinking adults. My ex SIL will be there this weekend and she is sensible and trustworthy but I am not sure she would go against her family and ring me if things were getting out of hand.

So AIBU? What would you do if you were me?

[festi]

well done OP power to you and your children. He will be shocked into treating you with a bit more respect and if not then find some more of where that strenghth came from.

Hoenstly he is wrong your children arnt being punsished or having it taken out on them. They should not be around people like that. I feel very strongly that children should not be aroiund people who are drunk and behaving like that.

[kidsandexesequalsnightmare]

"He will be shocked into treating you with a bit more respect". That would never happen I am afraid. He will be even angrier with me now and nastier, thats how it works with him. I expect there will be repurcussions about this.

[Inertia]

kidsand, he really does come across as a nasty piece of work, good on you for standing up to his bullying.

It sounds as though you have been exceptionally reasonable, having avoided lawyers etc so far. Are you in a position to seek legal advice, so that you are fully prepared if ex does become more unreasonable ?

[girlywhirly]

He must be aware that you could get a court order preventing him having unsupervised contact due to his drinking? Do whatever you need to protect your children.