to be concerned at how little I seem to talk to my toddler?

[innishvickallaune]

Ds (21 months) is home this week (chicken pox). He hasn't been ill at all with it, barely has even scratched.. but we have been at home now for seven working days, nine days in the house and I'm surprised at how undemanding he is of my attention.

My SIL works in a Children's Centre and she is always rabbiting on about how kids need to be talked to and you need to be down at their level and commenting on what they do etc.. but this just doesn't come naturally to me.

I am feeling really guilty I don't play more with him. Every day, we have come down here and had breakfast together, then he just plays away happily in the corner with his cars and buses.. he calls me if he is stuck "duk! duk! and even says "duk!" and signs "please" to get me to help him. He comes over and asks for drinks, he shows me things and about once or twice an hour he plops books on my lap and we read a few. Once or twice a day we have a bout of singing e.g. sleeping bunnies and incy wincy etc.. or he'll point out an "incy wincy" (he thinks anything that looks like a stray hair or bit of fluff is a spider) and we'll play.. or he'll spot some things that are the same and start counting and I will count along..

But when he is playing with cars I just... don't... have anything to say. When he was little and I was on mat leave I used to sit on the floor and play with him all the time, but now I feel downright neglectful.. he just gets on with his thing and I get on with mine and I stay away unless he calls for me. He doesn't particularly like you to direct his play so things like jigsaws and blocks he wants to do alone, he'll have a few mins of ball play here and there and when I am normally about (usually work a four day week, dh too so he has one day with me and one with dh) we always do something like baking or painting and obviously I chat through this..

But my SIL says that the major distinction in language development is the amount of words a child hears and that children in higher income families hear 1,000,000 more woreds than children in lower income families by the time they enter school. I doubt that's true in this house.. it's pretty quiet here most of the time.. She has been hinting he should be combining words and understanding longer instructions and I don't think he can, he can say about 60 or 70 words though?

Am I just the crappest mother ever? And if so, what do I do about it?

Not in the least bit helpful comment here

My DSis didn't talk at all, not a recognisable word until she was 4.

Hasn?t bloody shut up since (37 years later)!!

Josierosie - you appear very stuck on the questions thing. Do you have children or are you strictly professional? If I appeared harsh on the OP it was only to point out how unreasonable her own harshness against herself is. You actually dismissed my post entirely as if I was deliberately trying to be unhelpful to the OP. That offended me. Standing by your comments still offends me. You're clearly hung up on questions vs comments, but you actually said - ignore Harecare.
You are dealing solely with how to improve speech, the post to me read more like "I feel I'm a crap Mum, am I?" to which my immediate response was "don't be ridiculous!"
She is clearly a caring Mum who does more than many with her DS so to allow him a bit of peace and quiet when he is working out ways of making his cars move, ordering them etc does NOT make her a crappy Mum and she is worrying over nothing.
Innish - I hope you realise from all the posts on here that you are doing a grand job, if you want to do more you have lots of advice to use, but if you want to stay as you are I'm certain your son will grow into a happy and confident communicator.

gosh, some people are just such.... Assets to the Internet, you know? hmm.

spits coffee all over her screen

BEST comment in ages

60 words sounds pretty advanced for a child this age - do you mean actively using them? I have a 22 month old son and he probably only uses about a dozen words himself, though he can understand quite a lot (also has a repertoire of animal noises and gestures, which he seems to find more exciting - today he roared at me rather than say bye).

I too find it really hard to keep up a constant chatter. We read a lot though, and he's at nursery 4 days a week where his favourite spot is the book corner. He seems to only really wants to use a word if he desperately wants to communicate something. For example he really resists saying 'yes' because he knows he can nod instead, but will start saying 'more, more' as soon as you get to the end of a book.

Don't know if I am being a crap mother or not, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in finding it tough. It's not about the effort - I am prepared to read and talk about books for hours - but I do find that talking about his cars or blocks or whatever gets zero response.

My daughter, nearly 3, is a natural chatterbox, I think it is mostly natural rather than down to any conditioning by me as I'm pretty quiet generally. But I've always talked to her in an adult way, ie. not all this high octave babyish way of talking as that doesn't come natural to me. She loves books but equally watches a fair amont of tv too. We share alot of our conversations on journeys such as going to town on the bus or walking to the shops, simple things really. Keep it simple, sounds like you do alot together already, I think books are great for introducing words you wouldn't generally use everyday.