to really dislike this type of parent/parenting?

[GeneralCustardsHardHat]

I'm sure most people will recognise it and it really makes my teeth itch;

"no darling, darling no, no sweetheart mummy said no, darling, no darling, darling, look darling you're upsetting mummy now please darling no look now mummy said no" ad nauseam.

This is usually followed by a disproportionate telling off for a really minor offence (such as not eating their portion of mung beans) using language and a tone that would shame a squaddie.

AIBU to find these types of parent and style of parenting more irritating than the "shouting down the street" types?

What drives me batty is the parents who say, "no duckie, mummy said no. Please stop doing that. You're making mummy a little bit cross now. Mummy said no, please stop darling........"

Child does what they're not supposed to do

'Mummy' says, "Oh I did say no, nevermind Aren't children funny!"

Unfortunately, GetAway if they actually cared about their DCs self esteem they'd follow an authoritative approach because that is the type that the research suggests produces the most secure and well rounded child.

IME, it's the 'expressive' children that suffer when other people don't think their loud, selfish and unruly behaviour is as amusing or charming as their own parents do

My friend's 4 year old ds' modus operandi is assault and battery to get what he wants. His mother's approach is to tell him 'no we don't do that' and then gives him what he wants/encourages whoever has it to give it to him! His father takes him aside for a 10 second time out. But there are other parenting ishooes there, he is small and looks very cute & still has bottles of milk throughout the day and is spoon-fed his meals.

Fortunately he now has occasion to be wary of me, after he clunked dc2 on the head with a metal car with some force but feel very sorry for his older sister who is mostly commonly the recipient of his aggression.

LMAO at this thread

My closest friend is also a 'oh she's a pickle' when her 6yo DD throws a strop, breaks something because she can't get her own way but often loses her patience after a while and ends up screaming. Mainly as I see it is because the 'oh darling please stop' is a request not a command. So her DD does more and more.

I can imagine most parents do the 'nicey nicey' things in hopes of the situation calmly coming to an end and quickly and also not really wanting to draw attention in public by having some big drama.

I was doing a bit of a 'darling, please get in the car now. No, you can't "drive a tiny bit" first. Come on, darling, please. Come on, now, it's not time for playing, it's time to go' the other day myself. I'm sure you would have been horrified. Although in my defence I don't hesitate, if necessary, to shoehorn a screaming dd into her carseat after a minute or two of fannying around. But you wouldn't necessarily have known that if you hadn't waited around to see it!

Exactly, his mother actually said she didn't want to squash his personality! She then turned away from my look of incredulity but the father had the grace to look a bit embarrassed.

A, all for a bit of persuasion and distraction, it can work a treat. But you do wonder sometimes what line would the child have to cross to have a more assertive reaction from some parents.

Maybe the poor parent is feeling utterly at a loss and they're sort of talking to themselves even though they know the child isn't paying a blind bit of attention.

My second child is the type to throw themselves on the floor in a tantrum child. It's a nightmare. I honestly can't do a thing with him until he's calmed down. I feel self conscious enough as it is, but I think if that had been my first child I would have been mortified and you may well have seen me being the sort of parent I really don't mean to be - either trying to talk to him in a rational way, or maybe trying to be more strict. I have the confidence now to just stand there and make sure he's safe.

"stop it or the lady will tell you off!" No I wouldn't you stupid cow, coz if I did you'd go mad at me for daring to have a go at your precious darling.

Anyway why can't people tell their own DC off when they're naughty? Why threaten them with strangers? If they wont listen to their mum and dad why the hell would they listen to the nice lady chatting about the weather on the checkout in Tesco? I used to get it all the time in the toy store I worked in.

"No, you can't "drive a tiny bit" first"

Ha ha! Love it.

Reminds me of dd the other day whilst shopping; "No you cannot have a new lipstick. Why? Because your 5!"

All said in a disparing, yet- how-ridiculous-but-I will-stay-calm-voice!

TBF, I only judge parents that I know.

cocoflower I think you're right to an extent. I don't want to draw attention to my children's behaviour (if it's bad!!!) so I'm quiet, calm and firm, but I'm no different at home to avoid huge screaming matches. If I raise my voice they know they're in trouble!

If the parents were just trying to be discreet in public then the children would respond to it because the discipline would already be in place and the children would know what was expected of them.

If they don't, it means there is no discipline.

Had to smile at a little dd (about 5?) who was pestering her mum to buy her some sanitary pads too, to be told 'Not until you ovulate'

I prefer the approach of

But no, YANBU, and I find limp parenting really annoying too. Small children generally don't give a toss if they are 'upsetting mummy'. They have no concept of what that means. I feel sorry for children who aren't given boundaries - on the odd occasion when I'm being a bit dithery and not sure how to handle a situation I can see it actually upsets dd far more than when I'm firm.

Oh and my DD always needs lipstick, stampers, anything Hello Kitty, anything pink and glittery.... She doesn't even want nice stuff!

She's also 5 .

I'm assured it only gets worse

I agree about that, my kids seem more upset when they don't have a firm response to something. I get that everyone does a bit of dithering, I do it too, but only because i know my kids will respond to 'the look' that goes with it :o as someone else has already said you can tell the difference between a permanent ditherer and a parent who has already set the ground rules.

Are you sure you dd isnt mine itsnearlysummer!

This is why I avoid shopping with her. For a start she has terrible taste too.

Every time I sternly swear "this was the last time and I mean it".

Alas, I fail misreably!

'Not until you ovulate' - brilliant!

Tanif, I am with you on that one!

I'm sure dd will get more specific (and pink and glittery) about what she 'needs'. At the moment a trip through Sainsbury's just involves 'want dis one, want dis one, want dis one', chanted like a mantra as she grabs at anything with nice-coloured packaging any time I inadvertently push the buggy too close to the shelves.

A friend of mine talks like that to her puppy. "Oh no darling, that's enough jumping now, no please don't eat that little girl's hair, she doesn't like it, darling that's enough now" etc etc.

This goes on until I wade in with an "OI! NO! AH AH!"

I often wish I could be as firm as that with junior colleagues...

Cocoflower I do hope you said "because you're 5" and not "because your 5". Tsk

Cocoflower I thought the same when I read your post! It was shoe shopping. I couldn't avoid it.

"Oh I LOVE it. I just love it!" I spent an hour prising tat from her hands and putting it back on the various displays! ARGGHH!