To not want my maternity leave to be one long NCT group competition

[DollyDaisy]

First it was the birth, then which baby was drinking the most "hungry baby" milk, then which baby was sleeping through the night.....

We have now apparently moved onto weaning and which baby is eating the most carrot puree. Just to add that all our babies are between 4 and 5 months old and only 1 has been advised to start weaning early by their GP. As the lone "milk only" mother in our group I was asked over the weekend if I planned to breastfeed my son until he was 10!

AIBU or just bitter that so far DS and I have come last in each round

Oh and I've noticed that too Woodlands. Without wishing to allege that some people spout bollocks on the internet (the very thought!) it does seem to me that online babies crawl, walk and talk a hell of a lot sooner than the ones I meet in real life.

YANBU, but it is the luck of the draw who you end up in a group with. I love my nct group because I don't have anyone else who is remotely interested in the finer details of whatever is bothering me about ds this week. We can talk about poo for hours if necessary!
However, it can feel a bit competitive at times and I do sometimes have to remember that just because someone says their child is a fabulous talker/walker/eater/sleeper doesn't mean my ds is in any way worse than theirs. He's the cutest in the group anyway

VeronicaCake, you are so right; the 'social art of stealth anti-boasting', absolutely brilliant!

My group's not NCT, we all met at Surestart and they are all lovely. There was a bit of a race to wean, who's baby drinks the most ounces, sleeps through etc. Just you wait until it's who's first to sit up, crawl, stand etc. Although I don't think it's that competitive in our case, everyone seems geniunely pleased when the babies achieve these milestones. It all evens out ime, my baby was amongst the first to sit up, but the last to crawl etc. None of us get het up about it I don't think, I certainly don't. It's all very good natured and we are now thinking about what to do for the babies 1st birthday :). Maybe they won't be friends for life, but it has certainly helped to have their support, friendship and company whilst I've been on mat leave.

The only one I really struggled with, was some of the mums being in such a race to get their babies into Group 1 forward facing car seats... Some of the babies were well below 20lb and far to small and young really ...hey ho, you have to bite your tongue sometimes

DD could manage pretty well with pasta bolognaise at 9 mo. I got told that was 'so weird' the other day... I'm also one of 2 who is 'still' BFing at nearly 10 months, no doubt some think that's weird too... I don't really care, on the whole they are a lovely bunch

We are meeting up tomorrow so I will be watching out for some examples of the 'anti-boasting'

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH mine was the same, in fact they are nice people and am still mates with them, but its thyat first time child SHITE

maybe go to some local activities, and try and hang with mums on their second children!!!!

and relax, and dont rise to the bait, everything is normal pretty much!!!

when you next go really disciline yourself to not let it annoy you

i cried when mine was last to sleep through , and with DS2 I so did not give a shit!

Veronica Cake - Stealth anti-boasting......I love it! But Blimey, never realised the social art of parenting was so tricky

Anyway, clearly time to switch off the NCT set and do something less boring instead. And despite losing every "official" round so far, DS and I have definitely won the most gorgeous baby one.

Er, oh no!

I still see my NCT group (all original members) 4yrs on and can't believe how much help and support they have been over the years!

The competitive thing is simply a state of mind when the whirling insecurities of PFB are settling down, its natural and dont judge them too harshly for it or take it too seriously.

Keep a distance by all means but don't ditch them all just yet, once the dust settles they might turn out to be the friends you need! Although i agree these people you get grouped with are not destined to always be your new best friends, there is a lot of support to be had from people going through stuff at exactly the same time as you!

If they do all turn out to be cowbags, however, you have my consent to ditch them entirely

I'm suprised an NCT group are so misinformed.

God, how hideous! I don't think I could socialise with such a competitive group. Do they really think it's a race?

YANBU - as a first time parent to 5 month DD I'm genuinely interested in how other babies of similar age are sleeping, eating etc and "stealing" any ideas from other mums BUT can't seem to get past the smug boasting:

"He/She's such a good baby"
"He/She never cries"
"He/She's nearly crawling" etccccc

Why does no one tell the truth??? That it's really hard, sometimes frustrating and exhausting, sometimes amazing and wonderful.

Surely all first time parents have moments of "I don't know what I'm doing!"

Or is it just me.....

Isn't it awful. Don't join them, if you like their company otherwise, stick with it but if they are just so competitive about everything then walk away. There's usually a Head Girl in these groups who sets the others off.

Only thing my DS came first in was getting all his teeth in! I boosted about that one because I never had the chance on anything else. I actually started hiding away when he was 18 months and wasn't walking because I got sick of being asked and hearing when everyone else's child started. Luckily he started a couple of weeks later.

WHY are you bothering? They sound as if they have as much collective personality as a group of skittles.

Tell them that you have to continue breastfeeding for now, as the cat is pregnant and you want to be in a position to help, if needed, when she has her litter. Then smile broadly and leave, never to return.

I?d not bother seeing them if I were you.

We were really lucky in that our group were great and I really miss them now we are all back at work and only see each other every couple of weeks.

That's why I didn't bother with NCT. If you still need the support and solidarity, join a local mother and baby group, breastfeeding cafe or one o'clock club where you will find a mix of people from all walks of life, rather than neurotic, demographic-obsessed yummies. Otherwise just stick to your existing friends or go and hang out at the playground.

Ah...NCT competitive types. One of the reasons I never wish to have another period of maternity leave. It brought out an urgent desire in me to rush out and buy a year's supply of Heinz baby chocolate pudding and a crate load of dummies.

...reverse boasting can be quite fun if there are precious annoying mummies around. Tell them how much your baby likes Diet Coke and Haribo.

One of the lovely mums at school told me once that people are like ducks they look graceful when you look at them but below the surface their feet are going like crazy trying to keep up!
Very random way of putting it but very true.
They may say they have the cleanest house and they are the thinnest and the baby sleeps 24 hours a day and eats with a knife and fork at 6 months old and can walk off and wash his own dishes. Its not always true.
Really they are just like everyone else. So don't worry.

onebigchocolatemess does have a point actually. The first 6m with DD were so intense that I noticed everything, smiling, handwaving, grabbing objects, rolling, first projectile puke. Honestly I think my eyes prickled at the first yellow poo too. Don't ditch the group too soon in case you find that this intensity fades away once you go back to work, the babies start at childminders and nursery and a bit of normality reasserts itself. Some of the perceived boasting is really just parents just marvelling in the incredibleness that you can have sex and 13m later you've got a teeny tiny person capable of swallowing orange gunk and only regurgitating some of it. After a while the miracle begins to wear thin.

Shoutyhamster, ha ha about being the cat's wet nurse that made me chuckle

Definately a FB thing. Second time round, nobody can remember exactly who did what or when!

Mind you, it does seem to go on forever (reading levels in reception, birthday parties...)

I met a group like that too. When I realised how unkind and competitive they were about the most ridiculous things, I decided I was better off without them.

Awwwwww.
Yes, a lot of it is sheer astonishment at first amazing baby, I think.

DS1's every achievement went in the Baby Book.

DS2's first tooth and first broken leg made the cut.

When DD (third child) fiercely demands to know how old she was when she first got teeth/rolled over/learnt to walk/broke her arm, I have to make it up.

Sadly, she has a nose for parental bullshitting and tells me sternly that that's not what I said last time!

"Round here the convention is not to boast but to disparage our children's achievements whilst praising others in order to get them to reciprocate. It is a complex social art this stealth anti-boasting and every so often I balls it up and say something like 'Ooh DD is walking really well now!' and then after a pause remember that I have to add something negative to balance it out."

So true veronicacake!

Not all NCT groups are like this - ours is great and I really don't think we are competitive. I have a selective memory though - I only remember the things that DD can do that other babies can't, I'm not really interested in other people's babies anyway.

That would make me feel quite ill if people I knew were doing that, surely there's some intrinsically wrong about using your baby for point scoring? Is there a new group of friends you can move onto? Even if there's not I'd seriously contemplate, no wait I wouldn't - I would have just moved on and ditched them, no contemplation required.

Ack, typo, something!