to throw a strop and get married in secret?

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DP and I have been together for approx 8 yrs now.

We have two children, we have lived together for 7 years, we both work, we're happy together.

DP proposed in feb, ever since then our family and friends have been a fucking nightmare.

Dsis1 - wants us to arrange our wedding date around her mate who announced her engagement after ours. Dsis1 is being a bridesmaid for her but has refused to be a bridesmaid for me. Says she thinks it's pointless??

Dsis2 - wants to inspect my wedding dress and plans "in case I show her up".

Mum - shown no interest at all other than giving me a list of people who I must invoite or "she'll never forgive me"

Dad - has told me he will boycott the wedding if we decide to get married in a church so won't give me away.

Dp's friends - all keep critiscising our various ideas for the wedding venue etc.

So, I am now inclined to run away with DP and the two kids, get married in a registry office and tell everyone afterwards.

We're not getting married for the big day, we're getting married because we want to. Am so fucked off right now.

My SIL got engaged a few weeks after us and got married 3 weeks later than us, she just wanted to know when we would be back from honeymoon so that we would be there. We booked our date fairly early, but also said to her that if she wanted to get married before us we didnt mind (because we didn't!)

When we sent out the invites to overseas rellies, we put a note in saying we would love to see them at either wedding, ie dont feel you have to do both or none. As it was one Aunt did both (with a holiday in between) and an Uncle came over for SIL's.

We didnt fel any competition at all, and everyone commneted afterwards that they were both lovely weddings, different but both lovely. The reason behind this is we both did what we wanted to do, had the people we wanted to be there there, and were allowed to get on with it.

DH and I had a hotel wedding with wedding and reception in same place where we now live, SIL went back to her home town and had a Catherdral wedding with a church hall reception.

I guess my point is, just because you are getting married in the same year as your sister doesnt mean it has to be a competition, in fact the more different you make your weddings the less like a competition it is likley to be. Do it how YOU (and DP) want to do it!

p.s. we both ended up with very similar wedding dresses, to the point where we said we should have just bought one between us. However we didn't realise till the day of the first wedding!

I wish I had eloped. We had a small inexpensive wedding that we catered ourselves and held in MIL's garden. She managed to have a strop on the day (great for atmosphere) and FIL refused to collect dh's elderly aunt (because they'd fallen out) so dh had to drive a couple of hundred miles the day before our wedding, when I desperately needed his help to prep food.

Even having a tiny wedding, there were people there that I didn't really want and I wish we'd just gone and done it by ourselves.

The only thing that stopped me is that my parents would have been hurt. They are not demanding at all and would never have kicked off, so I would have felt bad depriving them of seeing me get married. Also my little brother and sister were beside themselves with excitement and I couldn't have done it to them.

I think if my family was like yours, I'd elope in a heartbeat.

One more thing - you say your sis has given you instructions as to who you can talk to at her wedding. Given that it is costing you lots of money and is a very rude thing to say to you, I hope you've told her to fuck off with the bossy instructions. Don't let her walk all over you.

Yes I think there's a lot to be said for making arrangments then just informing/inviting people when it's all sorted. Obviously it's nice for family to be involved in the planning and preparations, but if they're being outrageously difficult and unreasonable (as in some examples here!) then better to leave them out of it. Especially if the alternative is feeling pushed into cancelling the wedding you wanted.

Weddings bring out the worst in people (ie. family).
When I was planning my wedding (for the end of July - since cancelled due to a family members death as well as the hideous things some family members said and did) I spoke to so many brides who were bought almost to tears (or actually to tears!) due to things their family was doing. It's very sad that so many people don't get that the wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom, and that family should support them instead of create problems.
Do what's right for you - you and your OH might need to compromise, but whatever you settle on should be something you're both happy with - whether this includes family members or not.

It's your wedding, do what you like. I would never dream of dictating another person's wedding to them, I don't see why anyone would feel they have the right to do so to me. How rude!

OP if you run away to Scotland, then I could marry you. That is - I could be the official, not be the person that you marry

JetLi, in England a humanist wedding is not legal (it is in Scotland) so you would have to do the brief legal part with a registrar, then a humanist celebrant could create a ceremony for you wherever you wanted, and include whatever you want to say.