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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour

83 replies

cheesespread · 13/08/2011 22:38

for the 1st time in 16 months i asked my mum to have my DS for a few hours so i could go through the house making sure it was spotless for PILs comin to vist for the day tomorrow,my mum has DS when DH and me are at work so this was a rare day for me to spend on my own

so.. DS goes out with his nanna and DH is at work,so im in my PJs and decide to put my old stereo on in living room,we have lived in our house for 2 years and i can count on 1 hand the amount of times ive had my stereo on usually have radio on in kitchen,i picked an old CD with dance music on,got the hoover and duster out,put the stereo on loud and got on with my housework,it was 12.30pm

10 mins later hear hammering on my front door,answers door to see next door neighbour he shoutS "WILL YOU TURN THAT FUCKING MUSIC DOWN NOW !!!!! ",he then went on to lecture me about how ill he is and that he doesnt sleep well,i got upset (i cry when angry ) i told him i was sorry and i never have music on that loud normally,he them stormed off

30 mins later he knocks on door again to say sorry,i told him all he had to do was ask me nicely and i would have turned it off or down without a problem,i told him he had no right talking to me the way he did swearing at me,he said he had reached boiling point with me ? he said he cant stand it when one of his 4 kids have music on or play on there x box,i told him that wasnt my problem what his kids did

DH went round after work and went off it,the neighbour just kept banging on about how ill he is and that he sleeps thru the day coz he cant sleep on a night,DH said we are quiet people normally u have to expect a little noise of people,the neighbour reckons since we have lived next door he s made his kids keep quiet for US !! WTF we have never ever said anything to them other than "hello " then his wife got her bit in sayin as soon as DH goes out i blast music !! this is not true at all i work and go to college or im out shopping

i dont no what the point of this post was i just need to vent,i said sorry to the bloke and told him i would have more consideration in the future,he just made me feel like a 5 year old

OP posts:
Mitmoo · 14/08/2011 07:08

You were being completely reasonable putting your music on to vac up to it was 12.30 in the afternoon not 2 in the morning. You couldn't know he was trying to sleep. He was totally unreasonable mouthing off at you.

You were totally in the right until after he'd apologised, your husband should have butted out. The neighbour had apologised it was over your husband raked it up when you had dealt with it.

I can't stand this "little woman" nonsense, you are a grown woman, not a air head, you'd dealt with it. It was finished, then he stirred it again with his macho chest beating.

Original poster
cheesespread · 14/08/2011 08:27

i think u would be right at home living in a convent Lachesis,nice and quiet in there

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/08/2011 08:31

why are you asking if YABU, since you clearly don't think you are, and are flaming anyone who says you are? Hmm

pinkyp · 14/08/2011 08:33

Op sounds young / very childish. Bless.

Original poster
cheesespread · 14/08/2011 08:33

well i did feel a bit guilty actually,but i didnt expect to get called and immature ASBO neighbour from hell

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/08/2011 08:36

Well, you really upset your neighbour, who is sick, and stopped him from sleeping, he overreacted but then apologised, your DH went round and basically said tough, you will play loud music if you want, not ideal neighbours IMO.

Original poster
cheesespread · 14/08/2011 08:40

i didnt no he was ill,they have 4 kids how can they possibly not make any noise ? apparently he never sleeps my OH didnt say i would play loud music if i wanted to,he just said to him it wasnt on that he got in my face and swore at me

OP posts:
RunAwayWife · 14/08/2011 08:43

He sounds a bit nutty

Andrewofgg · 14/08/2011 08:44

It depends how loud it was. In principle music should be played at a level where nobody can hear it outside the home where it is being played.

That applies to all sorts of music, and it if is music with a heavy beat and you don't live in a detached house that may mean keeping it down to a level quieter than you think the music calls for - unless you are certain that there is nobody else in the building - and if your neighbours turn up, down it must go. It's not rocket science.

As for neighbour: he should not have sworn but he came round to apologise - if it was a "first offence" of swearing that wipes it out.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/08/2011 09:02

He had apologised for getting in your face. You didn't know he was ill at the time but then once you did the polite thing is just to keep it down.

borderslass · 14/08/2011 09:16

He apologised more or less straight away so why did you need to even tell your DH.

Original poster
cheesespread · 14/08/2011 09:19

i wont play my music that loud again it was a 1 off, my DH rang me on his break and i was upset so i told him what had happend

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 14/08/2011 10:00

I don't think you have done anything wrong. People must accept that if they live in close proximity to other people then they are going to hear noise from time to time.

It's not your fault that he is ill, and it's not your fault he chooses to sleep when everybody else is awake. Where I live, I have heard neighbours mowing their lawns early in the morning, cutting hedges when I am getting my dd to sleep at night, periodically one of houses that backs on to mine has a party all night or they have a bonfire in the garden which makes my house smell if I have the windows open. It's part of what happens when you live near other people.

I play quite loud music sometimes during the day. I also have 4 dc who are not exactly quiet. You have to be able to live your life without constantly worrying about other people. If it bugs them that much, then they need to buy a house in the middle of a field with no neighbours.

I think it is reasonable to expect people not to play really loud music all the time, or late at night, but it is far less neighbourly to shout and swear at you as it is for you to occasionally play loud music.

If a neighbour had done that to me, my DH would have flattened him. Most men object to some bloke coming round and swearing at their wives, even when it makes the situation worse.

Original poster
cheesespread · 14/08/2011 10:15

Thanks Karma im glad u see it from my point of view,if my DH had went round swearing at his wife im sure he would have had something to say

he told me he cant stand his kids playing music or playin on there playstation,it is the summer holidays tho,i havnt seen them cross the doors so he cant expect them to just sit and be quiet !

i feel like im creeping round my house now

i think he feels like he s missing out on life thru his ilness as he said he s only in his 40 s and wishes he could go out and live his life more,i dont think he has the right to take his frustrations out on other people,especially people he doesnt no

anyway ive learnt a lesson to have more consideration

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/08/2011 10:19

There is a difference between unavoidable noise, and music played loud.

It's selfish to play your music loud, even during the day, so others can hear it, why should they hear YOUR music in their house if they want some peace and quiet.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/08/2011 10:21

you both sound as bad as each other

Original poster
cheesespread · 14/08/2011 10:21

point taken

next time i will wear my ipod headphones

like i say it was a one off

OP posts:
pictish · 14/08/2011 10:25

Well OP I'm in support of you.

I don't think you did anything wrong, and your neighbour was out of line.
As you say, you would've responded to a friendly request favourably.

borderslass · 14/08/2011 10:27

If it was a one off ok lesson learned but from my point of view it's inconsiderate if its a regular occurrence DH often works until 6am and one neighbour regularly blasts his music in the garden another gets the mower out at 8.30. I have 3 children 2 at home and the 2 girls play or did play music in their room but not to the annoyance of neighbours I could hear it but only if bedroom door was open.

Original poster
cheesespread · 14/08/2011 10:38

im never usually in the house and when i am in i have DS with me so if i do have music on its the radio in the background

i did accept the mans apology and i said sorry to for been incosiderate

i dont no why he felt the need to blame it on us that he keeps his kids quiet tho

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/08/2011 10:55

he isn't blaming it on you, he is pointing out that they are considerate so he expects the same from you.

TheMonster · 14/08/2011 11:05

It sounds like his problem, not yours.
It's ok to have music on in the day, surely.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/08/2011 11:09

why is it OK? legal maybe yes, but inconsiderate if it is disturbing others.

TheMonster · 14/08/2011 11:21

She wasn't to know he was trying to sleep, though. I guess it depends exactly how loud it was.

Andrewofgg · 14/08/2011 11:51

Exactly. Keep it within your own home.