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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that all the tragedies happen in my family?

24 replies

Rosyloo · 13/08/2011 11:54

So, about 3 months ago I posted on here about my niece who's mum walked out on her and I was writing about how I'd just gotten contact with her again etc etc, and that I was pregnant and didn't want this to change anything.
Well- last week I gave birth to a beautiful little girl, and I named her Maisie Jane- she didn't cry after she was born and I was terrified. They couldn't get her to breathe and we buried her today.
A further thing that really annoyed me was that my niece was told she may have a brain tumour in March of this year whilst still in her first year of her degree, only to find out, 2 weeks ago, that this so called brain tumour was in fact a reaction to peanuts. How could they have gotten this soo wrong? How could they tell someone as young as her that she may have a brain tumour without knowing for sure?
Am I being unreasonable to think that all the tragedies happen at my doorstep? Or does it just seem that way now?

OP posts:

Original poster

Rosyloo · 13/08/2011 11:55

*whose

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 13/08/2011 11:55

So sorry to hear about the loss of your child, my heart goes out to you.

Poweredbypepsi · 13/08/2011 11:56

I'm so sorry about losing Maisie Jane. I dont know why these things seem to happen in one go, but I hope you can get through all this.

LeoTheLateBloomer · 13/08/2011 11:57

I'm sorry for your loss

duckdodgers · 13/08/2011 11:57

Oh Rosy so sorry for your loss and you will still be in shock.

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2011 11:57

Rosy, if you buried her today then yes, it must seem like everything bad happens to you.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your child.

LuceyLasstic · 13/08/2011 11:58

sorry about losing your child

but as regards the other thing, surely niece not having a brain tumour is cause for celebration?

TidyDancer · 13/08/2011 11:59

I'm so sorry for your loss, Rosyloo. :(

Original poster

Rosyloo · 13/08/2011 12:05

Oh yes LuceyLasstic, it is cause for celebration, but it's just that she went through hell believing she was seriously ill and it could have been prevented. The one thing that kept me going through that was knowing that she had a good tutor who talked to her and made her feel better. I just feel that life can be a little unfair at times.

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Chundle · 13/08/2011 12:05

So sorry Rosy thinking of you x

fanjobiscuit · 13/08/2011 12:11

Rosyloo I am so sorry your baby died .
Yes ,your family has had a lot to cope with and today must have been particularly hard for you .
Be kind to yourself xx

Original poster

Rosyloo · 13/08/2011 12:23

thank you for all of you kind replies. I just never thought this would happen to me! It's times like these when I really don't understand how in the world my sister walked out on her children!! :/

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itisnearlysummer · 13/08/2011 15:38

So sorry to hear about your beautiful Maisie Jane.

I can completely understand that at a time like this you can understand even less how your sister walked out on her children.

Your niece had a incredibly long time to wait and worry before finding out the truth. But at least it is better news than expected.

Take care of yourself.

takethisonehereforastart · 13/08/2011 15:39

Rosyloo I am so sorry for your loss. Maisie Jane is a beautiful name for your little girl.

I've lost two babies myself, our son to unexplained stillbirth and our daughter to prematurity following an accident. The were born less than eleven months apart.

I can remember feeling, and sometimes still feel, that we had been on the receiving end of more bad luck, cruelty and tragedy than anyone should have to cope with. So I really do understand why you are feeling this way now.

I really am so very sorry. I can see why this has made it hard for you to cope with the diagnosis your neice was given, even though it thankfully has been proved to be wrong.

After the shock and grief of losing a child even good news can be a shock to your system that leaves you feeling upset and exhausted. It's strange how that happens but it's true.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/08/2011 15:43

I'm very sorry, Rosyloo, it must feel like the world's conspiring against you right now. Nothing anybody says is going to make you feel any different as you're so raw just now. If it helps you to rage, then do. Whatever makes you feel just a modicum of comfort is worth it right now.

I hope these words don't sound trite to you, they helped me..."This too shall pass". Take care of yourself and get comfort from whatever source.

squeakytoy · 13/08/2011 15:50

So sorry for you loss. You must be having a very difficult day. I hope there is someone there with you to give you a big hug. x

DontCallMePeanut · 13/08/2011 15:52

So sorry for your loss :( I hope you're getting support, and have a way of letting out your emotions.

Original poster

Rosyloo · 16/08/2011 11:38

Thank you all for your kind messages. My husband and I are getting through it, but I just find it difficult to understand how so much can go wrong in just one family. I mean, if my child ever had cancer I would want to be there to comfort them and love them, and my sister just seems to be indifferent, and I know she is unwell, but I just find it difficult to understand her. Oh takethisonehereforastart I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I cannot imagine losing 2.

Oh God, I just wish Maisie Jane was here because I feel like I need to be feeding and changing and mothering her. Life is just so unfair.

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SnapesMistress · 16/08/2011 12:40

Rosyloo I am terribly sorry for your loss, is you sister mentally unwell then? I hope you get the support you need.

Original poster

Rosyloo · 16/08/2011 14:00

Hi. Yes she is- it's unfortunate, she's been mentally unwell all of her life and I mean, don't get me wrong, her kids are amazing for getting through losing her and having to build a whole new life at such young ages- I guess I just thought that Maisie Jane was my chance to show my niece that actually, not all children are born into the life she had, and to put the faith back into her that her mother, unfortunately, was just never meant to be there for her!

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lesley33 · 16/08/2011 14:13

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter.

I don't know why, but bad things always seem to happen close together. And yes it can seem like you are the only person this happens to. But most people seem to get times like this when everything is going wrong.

In the last 4 months I had a very close friend who was very young die suddenly, my father is extremely ill and was expected to be dead 2 months ago but is just clinging onto life, my partner has been made redundant, my job is at risk and my partner is ill - although will get better, the treatment just takes a long time.

I think all you can do is be kind to yourself and try and get through each day - or on bad days the next hour. It is hard though.

cottonreels · 16/08/2011 15:30

Ahh Rosie, youre having such a hard time. Im so sorry.
As an aside, I love your daughters name - very beautiful.
I dont have any personal experience to help you, but just wanted to say; be kind to yourself, take time to work through all these troubles. You can, and Im sure you will be, an inspiration to your neice.
So, so sorry.

ShoutyHamster · 16/08/2011 16:09

Oh Rosie I remember your thread about your niece!!

I'm so, so sorry to hear that you lost your little daughter. Oh goodness that has shocked me, I remember you speaking about wanting to be closer to your niece now you were pregnant yourself. I'm so sorry.

I can't imagine how you must feel. I don't know what to say except that life just keeps going, and somehow we do too. That good things are there ready to happen and will do, in your future, even if now it seems that nothing can ever be right again. It's the way we all keep going in the dark times I suppose. I hope that doesn't sound wrong and as if I'm trying to say you will 'get over it' - NO. That's not it, life changes forever once something like this happens. Your Maisie Jane was here, and so she changed the way the world is. She'll always be here, having an influence on you and the way you live your life, and in the future when good times return, she'll be in your mind, being part of those times too.

I wish you all the strength in the world to get through this time. xx

Original poster

Rosyloo · 17/08/2011 02:10

Oh Lesley33 I am sorry to hear about all of this- I hope things look up for you soon!

ShoutyHamster- I am so shocked too- I really wanted Maisie Jane to bring my Niece and I together, and I guess in a funny kind of way, she has. I think my niece has realised how much love I have to give, and that I'm only human. She was my rock at the funeral- God knows Maisie's father wasn't- he was a mess, and rightfully so! I just can't understand why my child had to go, and I just feel like i've let her down.
It's funny that you say that because I feel like she's here- every morning I wake up and I automatically think about needing to change her or feed her, and when I realise, it's always a dark, dark moment. But i'll get through! We always do! I just know now that I need to be there for my niece- Maisie has showed me that at least. Thank you for your lovely words. xxx

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