to feel like a performing monkey?? not for sensitive ears!

[natandjacob]

DP has a very high sex drive, he could have it every hour of the day if possible. I, on the other hand, dont. Dont get me wrong, I like sex as much as the next person but not to that extent.

The problem is that I feel like no matter what I do, and how many different positions we try he always wants more. He's never satisfied!

How often does everyone else do it? how experimental are you? It's really stressing me out cos I feel like a performing sex monkey :( He wants to plan it all the time and never just wants to leave it and see what happens. He gropes me at every given oppurtunity and complains when i get undressed in the dark. I know a lot of women would give their right arm for all of this but I just feel under so much pressure to keep him satisfied, am I being unreasonable?

FlyingOnion... If OP's partner wanted to do it on the hour every hour and she were happy to oblige then it wouldn't be an issue at all. He's groping her (OP's words), aganst her wishes and you think that's ok presumably. You don't know emotional abuse is.

How old is he? How old are you? How long have you been together?

I'm 22 and he is 29 and we've been together for nearly 4 years. For the first couple of years of being together we were at it like rabbits but gradually as i've become more comfortable lazy in the relationship its died down on my side.
He really is committed to me, i have no fears about him cheating or looking elsewhere. he's not a porn addict either. He even gave up looking at porn for me as i had issues with it from a past relationship. obviously i've overcome those issues now and can see porn is just a part of life for most men, we even use it together occasionally.

the only real problem is the groping and the constant want for sex.
smugtandemfeeder, I do think he might be a tad autistic, do you know if this is normal behaviour with that in mind? he struggles reading peoples emotions sometimes and a few other things that have made me wonder.

whats the opinion then? I dont want to leave him, I love him. should i just be more assertive and firm with him?

I sometimes have felt objectified during sex with my DH and that is particularly horrible for me due to some history. It's taken a really long time to get through to him but finally it has! You just have to make it very, VERY clear.

I was hoping you'd say he was 19 or something. Not that it would be OK but slightly more understandable. At 29 he really should understand that "no I don't want to be groped", only means no I don't want to be groped

should i just be more assertive and firm with him?

Yes you should .
You should also look into why you are in a relationship with someone who gropes you sexually against your wishes .

I agree this doesn't sound very nice for you at all and I think being groped against your wishes and constantly hassled for sex will probably make you want it less that you do anyway.

OH and I have sex a lot (once did it 12 times in one day ) but he is in the forces and we have long extended periods with no contact (3 months atm). So we tend to pack it in while we can . When he leaves and moves in here (we also live at opposite ends of the country) I doubt we will do it half as much as when we are together now (wouldn't have the time!!). If I didn't want to have sex (this has never happened) he wouldn't pressure me.

I don't think how often other people do it is relevant to your situation tbh as you should only be having sex when YOU BOTH want to.

Well I cant say we have perfected it yet but I am making progress slowly.

First thing I worked out is important is to communicate boundaries - in writing - it sounds over the top but I had no idea DH was over stepping my boundaries, I just knew I was feeling like you and couldnt get the message accross. I kept hurting DHs feelings by complaining and ended up sounding like and making DH think I was a fridgid lesbian (no offense to frigid lesbians)

We also negotiated a total ban on porn. DH learnt sex from extreme porn films and had zero interest in loving female friendly porn about pretty people cuddling. So porn was out. I feel much better without it. So does he.

As he learnt sex from extreme porn films they had zero foreplay in. Lack of Foreplay was a serious problem and as he cant understand why its important to me, and had NO idea what to do I bought him a good book which has great instructions in called "She comes first" I reccomend everyone buys it for their DP!

DH responds very well to written instructions for everything.

DH just has autistic tendancies so cant blame it all on the that. Its just that you cant just say he is being abusive, thats a very high level approach to it and not a view I share.

OH and I have sex a lot (once did it 12 times in one day blush)

slighlyunbalanced we need elaboration. Do you actually mean you had sex and stopped and started a few times in one day. Or you actually both had 12 orgasms? Could you walk after?

did it not start to chafe?!

thankyou though, good advice. i will try writing it down and sticking to my guns

You do need lube to avoid chafing if you are going into double figures I find.

Should also add DH is obsessed with positions and swapping positions all the time. I think for him this comes from seeing them swap position in porn films but he says he just likes variety. I prefer to stay in whatever position feels nicest. We have to agree to disagree!

[wishing I had namechanged for this]

The latter LolaRennt - and what Catgirl said .

In my defence he is in the Navy

slightlyunbalanced Wow. It took me a while to work out my formers and latters but after much though - thats an achievement!

Thankyou do I get a medal?

10 weeks and counting since we last had ANY contact

OP - why do you get undressed in the dark btw? Is it so as not to encourage him? I feel for you.

You had 12 orgasms in one day! That's amazing! Think the most I have had is 4.

What is this orgasm you speak of?

EverythingsNotRosie Oh no really? You poor thing. Have you tried a vibrator? Self stimulation? Sometimes it's easier on your own as you don't feel so self-conscious.

Thankyou grin do I get a medal?

I was thinking more along the lines of an icepack....

Just not recently- 8 month old DD and still well over pre-pregnancy weight. We're on 3 times a month at the moment! I'm sure it's all fine, just sleep seems a preferred option and sometimes, it just ain't gonna happen!

May I suggest a taser gun or suggest he wears one of those oh so very kinky dog collars which gives electric shocks at your command. That could help

Seriously, no bloody idea. Other than drug him. Or wait for him to age. Or ask him if he's so desperate for frequent validation because he has a small todger etc.

unbalanced yes thats why i get undressed in the dark. i dont even like wearing shorts/skirts around the house cos i just know it'll encourage him!
you do deserve a medal, can i share it? in our early days i managed to get to 5 seperate times in one day, which meant about 20 orgasms! those were the days before DS came along obviously!

Lube is the marathon shaggers friend :)

Op he sounds like a PITA, share my medal for putting up with it, must really really put you off.

Like living with a dog on heat .

natandjacob I have to be careful about being naked around DH as well. I sleep in big ugly pjs as unless I do this I know he will NEED sex. Any hint of seeing any bit of thigh or bum or anything and he is a right pain!! Ugly PJs with a tie up waist are required!! It doesnt matter how bad I look, he still wants sex!

Slightlyunbalanced to win your medal you need to start a new thread to see if anyone on mumsnet can beat you

Get him some fucking bromide - I think that's what they were supposed to use in the army!

Who would give any part of their anatomy for your situation? To be so grateful for any attention that you'd put up with constant pawing?

Having said that we are experiencing a drought atm - which actually suits me but I feel a bit guilty.