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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disclaimer: I THINK IABU re: other women.

27 replies

CRS · 12/08/2011 23:01

So - I had a hard time getting to a family engagement last night due to an irrational fear of being in the car.

As a result, my partner has gone out without me tonight, as I got ready, but just couldn't face the car journey.

The other day, my partner and I (our son is away on an activity holiday) went down to our village pub with our good friend and next door neighbour, who is divorced due to her husband's infidelity.

Our friend got quite drunk and was sort of coming on to a guy who also lives in our village (keep up, this is really insular! Smile ) ,

So we thought that this was getting a bit out of hand and took our friend home - but the bloke was quite up for being chatted up, and when my partner suggested phoning "Carol", his partner, (not her name) to come and join us, the guy said "No - she's busy" (their kids are away and she was at home doing some painting), and then with a wink "I've forgotten the number".

So now I've witnessed a "devoted family man" behave like that, AIBU to be worried since MY partner is out without me and not answewring the phone (I have only phoned once!)

OP posts:
worraliberty · 12/08/2011 23:06

Lol you sound like you lead a bit of a sheltered life Grin

Lots of men and women do lots of different things...doesn't mean you or your DP have to behave the same way does it?

Claw3 · 12/08/2011 23:07

Yes YABU, you either trust your partner or you dont.

AgentZigzag · 12/08/2011 23:07

I don't think this blokes behaviour could be taken as evidence you need to be suspicious of your DH.

There are a million reasons why he's not answered the phone, that he's flirting with someone else is probably unlikely, unless there's something you haven't said in the OP about your relationship with him?

AnyFucker · 12/08/2011 23:09

huh ?

If I tell you my DH has a very boring love of golf, please don't get worried that your DH will suddenly take up golf

it don't work like that

Original poster
CRS · 12/08/2011 23:09

OK - IABU - but I didn't think this guy would behave this way OR my friend next door - I know both of then quite well - so felt a bit worried.

The bloke has three kids under five and his partner is friends with me AND my next door neighbour - is it harmless then, if you're drunk?

OP posts:
Maryz · 12/08/2011 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CRS · 12/08/2011 23:12

I'm ALWAYS bloody unreasonable on here! Wink

OP posts:
Claw3 · 12/08/2011 23:12

What does this guy and your friends behaviour have to do with your partner?

Are you saying you think there is something going on with your partner and your friend?

AgentZigzag · 12/08/2011 23:13

Behind closed doors and all that.

Is anyone really like the persona they'd like to be viewed through?

worraliberty · 12/08/2011 23:14

The guy enjoyed being chatted up but he didn't do anything to make him unfaithful did he?

Flirting isn't the crime of the century...lots of people do it.

Being unfaithful is something else entirely

Original poster
CRS · 12/08/2011 23:14

Oh - sorry, missed that Maryz - yes I DO need to work on the stupid anxiety thing. I know. It's a bit difficult.

OP posts:
Original poster
CRS · 12/08/2011 23:15

And I missed MORE posts! It wasn't harmless flirting. He and she were trying to arrange a place and time for later that night when we made asked next door friend to come home.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/08/2011 23:16

are you ok, OP ?

Claw3 · 12/08/2011 23:19

I dont see what this has to do with your partner though? He appears to not condone this kind of behaviour as you said he tried to convince your friend and other guy not to.

To worry about your partner doing something similar based on the behaviour of the other two, is unfair.

Original poster
CRS · 12/08/2011 23:20

Yeah! Just a bit ansty about my partner being out without me and not answering the phone after what went on the other night - is it really that weird for this to cross my mind? Especially as my partner did say "Well, he was only behaving how most of us would if someone came on to them like that".

OP posts:
Maryz · 12/08/2011 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Claw3 · 12/08/2011 23:23

Oh right, he does condone this kind of behaviour then!

Did you not question him when he said that?

AgentZigzag · 12/08/2011 23:26

It's not weird for it to cross you mind in a bid to protect yourself for if he was, but you have to rationalise it with the bigger picture of what you know about your DH.

Being flattered someone finds you attractive, and actively flirting back trying to move it on further, are totally different things.

To me the bloke in the pub nodding and winking that he's forgotten the number was just messing about, hardly nice or funny, but harmless unless he acts on it.

LadyBeagleEyes · 12/08/2011 23:27

I agree with Maryz.

Original poster
CRS · 12/08/2011 23:29

I get it! It is me being overly anxious /paranoid (actually he just this second, ironically, phoned me and said "Sorry I missed your call - it's really loud in here, I'm about to leave for mum's house, see you tomorrow") So I WAS being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Maryz · 12/08/2011 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CRS · 12/08/2011 23:40

I am actually going mad, I think! This would never have bothered me even 12 months ago! Why on Earth would I even be thinking like this? Oh well. Should've gone to bed earlier.

OP posts:
Maryz · 13/08/2011 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CRS · 13/08/2011 00:27

Thank you - I AM going to bed taking the computer with me in case I get boredafter a nice bubble bath now! Whilst embarrassed that I am clearly VU!

OP posts:
differentnameforthis · 13/08/2011 01:23

I have witnessed many a 'devoted' family man doing this, unfortunately.

I don't worry re my dh because I trust him & know that just because many married men act like they are single, it doesn't follow that all do.