To ask for tips for dealing with nightmare MIL

[bringmesunshine2009]

We are going to stay with MIL for 3 weeks out the country, during which time we will be inside the house quite a lot.

She is an overbearing matriarch for whom it is her way or the high way. I need a strategy.

Some examples of what I am up against:

DH will never back me up over anything his mother does, no matter how dangerous, contrary to reason or plain madness.

• She tried to feed 3 month old DS1 a banana when I caught her.
  
• Dragged a screaming DS1 from my arms when he was sick, because 'she wanted a go'
  
• Thinks car seats are neurotic and secondary to her need to wave us off at the airport rather than home.
  
• DH wants me to cook for the family 'to show [MIL] my skills' so she knows I am looking after him!
  
• That DCs should be dragged round stranger relations past their bedtime, where they are expected to be immaculately behaved or their are catsbum faces at me. If I suggest we should go home and put them into bed DH and MIL accuse me of BU.
  
• MIL gets me to prepare food and clear up the house before her other guests come round.
  
• Told to give DS2 a cup of herbal tea to settle his tummy (EBF and 3 months old)
  
• Giving DS1 yogurt mixed with granulated sugar, because he likes the taste
  
• Buying toys clearly marked as unsuitable for under 3s and gettinghuffy when I won't let DCs play with them
  

I could go on ALL DAY. But am going so may as well make the best of it.

I saw "smile and nod" on another thread... so was wondering, how to mentally prepare for the 'quiet war'.

I have previously tried resistance with a smile. This time was thinking smile and nod.

Coping mechanisms wanted!!!!

[bringmesunshine2009]

Also she is definitely a meditteranean MIL! And yes yes DCs (under 2yo) go mental because they are up at 10pm when bedtime is 7pm it will be ME who is the shitty mother!

Ahhh 'throws up hands' keep smiling! Will insist on car seats, the rest can go to pot.

[MightyQuim]

I actually feel really sad for you reading that OP. It's seems as if you have no choice but to be in such a horrible situation.
Have you spelt out to your DH how bad it actually is? What do you think his reaction would be if you threatened to leave him if things don't change? I think it's unlikely that 'gently' addressing him will have any effect - him mum seems to know what buttons to press to control him - stress and a tummy ache .

[mamas12]

well well you have to think along the lines of deliberately not understanding her. Have a very ill time of it and just ignore all the 'bad mother'vibes. On the nights that you are being paraded suddenly develope a migraine and let him deal with the consequenses and be unavailable when they come back by asking yyes please keep the little ones in your bedroom mil that's very kind of you. After a even one night of that I'm sure they will see what it means.

Your dh is a problem but sounds as if you have a problem with him too. But can you sit him down and let him know what you will and what you won't tolerate on this visit and tell him you expect his support.

WHY are you doing this? Are you a masochist of some sort? Really I think you need to get some counselling asap . Phone someone your gp womens aid someone what you are subjecting yourself to is not the thinking of a normal happy person.