To not want DH's female friend (ex fu*k buddy) to babysit?

[Ihatetidying]

I'm 26 weeks pregnant, and I'm trying to think of who can babysit our DD (13 months) when the time to go into hospital comes.

Of course I want my mum, but DH disagrees. My folks are in their late 60's, but that's not the problem - dad smokes like mad, and the whole house reeks of it! He does refrain for a couple of hours if he knows I'm going, but the house still smells, and depending on circumstances we may not have time to forewarn them anyway. They also have two dogs, which aren't the best behaved, and my mum can be forgetful to shut the dogs out. My sister also looks after dogs, and regularly brings them to my mum's house - and lets them loose - and they're 'unknown' dogs, meaning I don't think that you can safely say how they'll react... finally the house is quite dirty :(

Ideally, mum would come here, better for DD, as her toys are here, and she's OK when mum looks after her here (also ideal if in labour at night, as her cot is here). DD cries and clings to me at my parent's, so she'd be unhappy. Only problem is my mum feels more comfortable in her own home, and dislikes being away.

Wouldn't ask my sister - she kinda ignores her own son, and he's a brat when he comes here - breaking DD's toys, and trying to pinch her (he's 10), and his mum is oblivious! Also , she'd want DD at her house - with her menagerie of animals!

So, DH has talked to his 'friend'. This is a woman he used to sleep with, before he met me, and she fell in love with him (I wrote a thread under a different name about finding her in our home recently & her being nasty about my appearance). He thinks she'd be a good person to look after DD - but I disagree, and can't think of anything worse than a spurned woman, coming into my home whilst I'm elsewhere & incapcitated, and playing 'mum' with my DD, and probably overstepping her mark, and cooking for DH too (and in general being 'helpful' - which she is like & totally WRONG!). DH is capable of cooking (he does for me now) and looking after DD while I'm in hospital, but I worry if he asks her to sit for DD, whilst baby is being born, that she'll ingratitate herself & help in other ways - besides I DON'T WANT HER HERE - SO DH COMES HOME TO HER, TALKING ABOUT OUR NEWBORN!

I've just looked at the old thread. OP, it's your dh that's the problem, not the OW. He's abusing you. This latest episode is just another example of his abuse.

What lindseywagner said. He is manipulating you both, this is just another episode.

just read the thread...WTF is that all about? I am surprised you are with him, he is using your MH against you.
Do yourself a favour break from him, look after yourself and your little one, I am sure, you and your unborn child deserve better than this, concentrate on yourself and your well being. I am sure your family will support you in more ways than one.

I agree- the biggest issue is him using your MH agaisnt you. Thats appalling.

What lissie and Lindsay said.

YANBU very insensitive suggestion from your DH

YANBU I wouldn't let her within a 100 yards of my home, and at least a mile away when I'm giving birth.

Why does your DH think that he can disagree with your choice - your Mum staying at yours - but that he can impose a suggestion you disagree with?

Mother of woman in labour v woman with past sexual relationship and dubious current connection ?
Grandmother of DD, familiar with DD and an experienced mother v someone DD doesn't know from Adam, with no childcare experience?

Who with any sense would think the second of those options was the obvious choice? No one.

Like elbowing his way into your Psychiatrist appointments, taking over your family's vision of you, manouvering this woman into your life and home on this way is deeply pernicious.

Picture him leaving the hospital at 4am and going back to your home and this woman. And put your foot down.

But to be honest, I agree with those who say he is a problem. . Does he still not want this baby?

Sweetheart this woman is the least of your problems. You are in a relationship with a very dangerous man. In fact her 'stealing' him away from you is oen of the better case scenarios here. This guy is a manipulative fuck. Don't let her mind your DD, I wouldn't be surprised if he is trying to get a relationship built between her and DD in order to further undermine you and manipulate you.
Get your Mum up. Tell her you are desperate. Or what about the friends you emntioned on the other thread or your DS? Hes 20 he can do it surely?

Over
My
Dead
Body

but then again - his would be pushing up daisies already.

''she's always inventing stuff for him to have to go around and 'fix' for her''

She sounds like a terrible inventor. Her inventions never work properly!

My husband is a thoughtless cunt. I apologise wholeheartedly for his utter twattishness.
I am seriously shocked at him.

YADNBU. I remember your other thread, and thought your OH behaved abysmally. She sounds horrible, I wouldn't want her within a mile of me, let alone my DCs.

Your 'd'h Is the problem here and I don't get why you put up with it?! Yabu to put up with him and her being 'friends'!

OMG I have just read your other thread and I am aghast at the fact you ignore the blatant way this man treats you. Of course I can't be sure but if I were you, I would very much think there is a lot more going on than meets the eye.

Your DH is the problem here.

Let's say it again - YOUR DH IS THE PROBLEM HERE.

(I remember your last thread).

Once you have sorted that problem, this problem will cease to exist. Because your DH will:

a. Have realised that doing anything other than cutting contact with this woman COMPLETELY will see him single, so she will no longer be in your lives, or

b. Have realised that doing anything other than cutting contact with this woman COMPLETELY will see him single, but fails to do it - so he will be single and available to babysit while you and your mum tackle your labour.

:)

Seriously - I would be giving him those options, and meaning it whilst reminding him that the way he's behaving might well see the decision made for him anyway. So hard to maintain a respectful relationship with a deceitful, inappropriate fuckwit, you see.

I remember your previous thread too.
I agree with ShoutyHamster - your DH is the problem.
This woman is bad news and for some reason he is keeping her around. I suspect he likes the ego boost but if I were you it would be making me very uncomfortable indeed.
I'm not for giving partners ultimatums (especially when they should realise the problem) but in this case I would be asking for this person to be cut out of your lives before she causes you more problems.

YANBU, but I agree with the other posters who wonder this woman is still in your life.

An ex girlfriend is a person that your husband had a relationship with and then realized he didn't want a relationship with (no issues)

A fuck buddy- he never cared for, just fancied a bit (I'm not judging the situation at all) and liked having sex with her. How can you end that? Yes, I realizes the physical side has ended but there is no official closure like in a proper relationship, just a person he would presumably still be shagging if he hadn't met you.. It feels wrong. I'd hate it.

and if she was rude to me I sure as hell wouldnt leave her with my kids christ.

"Yes my suggestion is that either my mum comes here, sorry DogsBestFriend, but if DH doesn't want my mum, and insists on him friend, then my solution would be for DH to stay home with DD, whilst I give birth with my mum."

Clearly there's more to this than I'm aware of, not having seen your previous thread.

There you go then. :) You have a solution. Two, in fact, but I unless your Mum's the grandma from hell I don't see that your DH has much right to argue that she shouldn't come to your house to care for DD.

Seems to me that there are several matters here, not least that your DH has issues about you having males of any description in the house (he'd have gone long ago if he were my DH!) and that you threatened that he would go if he maintained a friendship with his ex but didn't carry out that threat. It's a bit like dealing with a kid, if you issue a threat you have to carry it out or they're laughing in your face.

Sorry, not to sound harsh but I get the feeling that you and DH have a hell of a lot to discuss before that baby gets here.

I am really reluctant to blame the ow exclusively. Let's not pretend that she is some evil witch trying to entice a loving husband and father away from the op.

Op, I know how much you dislike her, but have you ever got her version of events? Its possible that your dh has been manipulating and abusing her in exactly the same way. This mans previous actions are relevant here (which is why I linked to the other thread) and, as much as you want to loathe her and believe that its her that is the problem, that if she would disappear then everything would be fine, you know that's not the case. But he has driven you to this point where you don't know which way is which.

Dogsbestfriend, I linked to it earlier.

Dogsbestfriend, I linked to it earlier.

Your dh should not even be friends with her and have anything to do with her, let alone get her to play mummy and housey with your dc . If he respected you, he should have cut her out completely when he met you.

Thanks Lissie, just got up to speed with the previous thread.

The rudeness would be the clincher for me. Ignorant bitch! How dare she criticise your appearance, ihatetidying. What is SHE, Kate Moss?!

I'd take matters into my own hands, contact her and say that her offer is unnecessary, it's sorted, present that sorted situation with Mum's help at your home as a done deal to DH and tell him that there is NO WAY that I was budging.

OP you need to have a serious chat to your dh