Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To blooming well refuse to pay this debt and tell MIL to p*** off?

103 replies

MetalSian · 12/08/2011 15:54

About a year ago my DP decided to borrow £2600 from his Uncle to buy a car... pretty much behind my back.

He also increased my overdraft to £750 and took out £700 as a deposit for said car.

Now a year down the line I am being told by his mother that she needs to talk with 'us' about paying his uncle back.
DP is supposed to be paying back £50 a month but was unemployed and only been in a new job for a month so money is tight =/.
Apparently as we are a couple we are both responsible for the money.

To which I replied:
'Please don't tell me I am responsible for a debt that I had nothing to with and had no choice over, I am not going to argue about it, please do ring DP and talk to him about it.'

This carried on for a little while longer with her not getting the picture that I refuse to put any money towards something I had no choice about.

And the last thing I got was: 'will talk to u both together cos im sick of the divided loyalty between families here' (Yes, she doesn't manage to type in proper English).

AIBU? Should I be responsible for paying back this debt as well?
Fed up of being piggy in the middle and everyone moaning to me instead of talking to DP [Angry].

OP posts:
Original poster
MetalSian · 12/08/2011 21:58

No he did it behind my back.
Went into my account online, raised my overdraft and transferred the money to his account.

He has already made it clear he won't listen to me and I am the one being unreasonable.
If it ends the way it is looking now I won't get anything.
Maybe it is more about him doing what I have asked or suggested than the car?
Or because I told him not to?

I don't know =[!

OP posts:
Original poster
MetalSian · 12/08/2011 22:00

He is on his way home now.

Not looking forward to this =[.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 12/08/2011 22:00

Do you know his passwords for his account? I'd be tempted to do what he did to you and take back my money by increasing his overdraft.

Original poster
MetalSian · 12/08/2011 22:01

He can't increase his overdraft, his credit rating is too shite.
Believe me I have considered it.
Don't think I could do it anyway though =/, bit wrong.

OP posts:
lydiamama · 12/08/2011 22:07

Wow, that was stealing!!!!!!!!!!!!!
look many stupid men will never do as told by their woman, you see, they are like that stupidly proudd, and ignorant.
The way he got the money from you.............. just talks very badly about him, honey, very badly, he needs to get a new head before he gets any rights to be father and partner of you lovely two

fedupofnamechanging · 12/08/2011 22:08

Ah well, you may have to write it off as lost. I'd get some advice from citizens advice as to what would happen if you reported his actions to the bank. It may be too late to prove it anyway now and i do understand why you would be reluctant to do it.

Although £700 is a lot of money, it could have been a lot worse. Knowing the truth about him is worth paying that money for, before you'd gone down the route of shared accounts/loans etc.

lydiamama · 12/08/2011 22:08

are your parents gonna help you?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 12/08/2011 22:14

Is your bank racking up interest on your overdraft?

Morloth · 12/08/2011 22:48

700 is an expensive lesson but it could have been much much worse.

Cut your losses.

MoaningMcMyrtlepants · 12/08/2011 23:25

FWIW I think you are doing the right thing. He is a manchild and needs to sort himself out.

Will you contact the CSA about maintenance?

busybee1983 · 13/08/2011 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MorelliOrRanger · 13/08/2011 08:22

Maybe better to learn now with a £700 debt than further down the line owing £1000's and really hating him for what he's doing.

He sounds like an immature boy to me.

SoupDragon · 13/08/2011 08:27

"Can't wait to be a 20 year old single mum with a toddler =[."

well, at the moment you appear to be a single mum with two children so you won't be any worse off!

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis · 13/08/2011 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InsomniaQueen · 13/08/2011 08:56

OP for what it's worth - run for the hills - my dad got himself into 20k of debt behind my mothers back. After a number of 'talks' she agreed to stay and try to help him work it out. Fast forward 2 years we then learnt that he had a debt of 80k. It almost ruined us and we had to leave our childhood home and move a lot further away to try to manage the debt repayment by having a cheaper mortgage. This has crippled my parents and now with things as they are they are barely getting by money wise.

This has taught me a valuable lesson in life - love is love but money is money and if your partner is not responsible with theirs do not let them be irresponsible with yours. It will only end up with you being taken for a fool and your children having to suffer through the consequences.

It is never an easy choice to be a single mother but it is often better to have one sensible and responsible parent than have two where the other might as well be a child as well. Whatever you do - good luck - take care of yourself and your little one because when it's all said and done that little boy still has you and you still have him.

Reality · 13/08/2011 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/08/2011 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

busybee1983 · 13/08/2011 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FakePlasticTrees · 13/08/2011 09:36

I'm sorry to see how this has gone. Do you have family round you? I'm sure others will be able to give you good practical advice, but you need to make sure you sort out maintenance from him ASAP.

ShoutyHamster · 13/08/2011 10:16

OP, this could be the first day of the rest of your life.

Single mum with a toddler? Hard, but a fucking walk in the park compared to a mum with a toddler and a deceitful parasitic thief of a partner there at her side, ready to bleed her of every penny saved and making sure it's a case of one step forward, three steps back. Until he's maxed out every line of credit you have, shredded your credit rating, at which point he'll disappear leaving you with every penny of his debts.

Losing £700? Grab the chance with both hands and get out. You'll never see that money again, even if you got him charged for theft - but you can damn well make sure you have nothing to do with him ever again when it comes to finances.

Read Reality's post again and again. That's shaping up to be YOU.

Walk away now. You're young. You have a lovely child. You are sensible. You could have a fantastic future ahead of you - just ditch this thieving scumbag and his thieving scumbag family.

Original poster
MetalSian · 13/08/2011 12:30

He has just left with his pc.... the most important thing to him.

My parenst are on their way over and I am sposed to be going tow ork at two but am a in complete state.

And to think I was still trying to talk him in to staying and fixing it.

His solution is to move out for two months, fix it all then come back.
Whilst I live a single mum and everything.

Where the hell did I go so badly wrong!

OP posts:
Original poster
MetalSian · 13/08/2011 12:31

But he did say either way he will pay me back the £700.

I guess we shall see.

Now to try to stop crying xD.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 13/08/2011 12:54

Im sorry but you are better off without someone who shows they cannot be responsible for their partner and child.

He is a childish arsehole and he wants everything his way or not at all.

He is going to get this car and that is why he has moved out so he can come back with it.

You have to say get a different car without paying your debts off you aren't coming back.

LunarRose · 13/08/2011 12:58

YOU WILL BE FINE

Don't have him back, he STOLE from you, and consequently from your child.

Count yourself lucky as you have had a very lucky escape. Don't hold your breathe for the £700, but consider it cheap compared to how much it could have cost.

Change all your card pins and any passwords NOW. Make sure none of them are guessable (names birthdays etc) it's only a precaution but you'll be kicking yourself if you don't and it goes bad.

Call the CSA, they can only backdate maintenance to the date you contact them, this isn't about you or him it's for your child. do it do it now!!!

busybee1983 · 13/08/2011 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.