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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To blooming well refuse to pay this debt and tell MIL to p*** off?

103 replies

MetalSian · 12/08/2011 15:54

About a year ago my DP decided to borrow £2600 from his Uncle to buy a car... pretty much behind my back.

He also increased my overdraft to £750 and took out £700 as a deposit for said car.

Now a year down the line I am being told by his mother that she needs to talk with 'us' about paying his uncle back.
DP is supposed to be paying back £50 a month but was unemployed and only been in a new job for a month so money is tight =/.
Apparently as we are a couple we are both responsible for the money.

To which I replied:
'Please don't tell me I am responsible for a debt that I had nothing to with and had no choice over, I am not going to argue about it, please do ring DP and talk to him about it.'

This carried on for a little while longer with her not getting the picture that I refuse to put any money towards something I had no choice about.

And the last thing I got was: 'will talk to u both together cos im sick of the divided loyalty between families here' (Yes, she doesn't manage to type in proper English).

AIBU? Should I be responsible for paying back this debt as well?
Fed up of being piggy in the middle and everyone moaning to me instead of talking to DP [Angry].

OP posts:
Original poster
MetalSian · 12/08/2011 18:54

Okay I'm back.... even worse though.

He is just arguing to me that it is acceptable for him to spend £2000 from the sale of this car on a different car he wants.

I think he has car lust, if there is such a thing, and he sees a car he wants and must have it.
Before he suggested we spend £1000 on a runaround then changed his mind to not selling it. Now this car has appeared it is like history repeating itself =/.

He has driven off in a mood now xD.... gotta love life =].

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 12/08/2011 18:59

Bloody hell... There doesn't seem to be much hope of getting through to him. Suggest you stick to your guns and let him deal with it. I'd tell her what you've just told us.

Original poster
MetalSian · 12/08/2011 19:08

Yeah =/.

And he seems to think this is completely different xD, because he has apparently thought about it and we would still be £1500 better off 0.o.

Bleh!

OP posts:
bubblesincoffee · 12/08/2011 19:11

What has he done to repay the overdraft that he fraudulently created?

Original poster
MetalSian · 12/08/2011 19:13

Nothing... my bank has been overdrawn ever since because I only work 5.5hrs a week, which is enough to pay the bills but nothing extra =/.

He thinks that extra money will sort my bank out, pay his uncle so he is 'up to date', (so at £50 a month), and then he gets a nice car.

I don't understand why he can't see that the money he spends isn't his.

OP posts:
ShoutyHamster · 12/08/2011 19:27

Right.

Tell MIL that if she opens her mouth again on this, you will report her son to the police for THEFT. Because frankly, that's where YOU are with all this, right now.

And tell your idiot P that unless he accepts the runaround, pays back the loan and never, ever steals from you again, you'll dump him AND report him to the police for theft.

skybluepearl · 12/08/2011 19:32

You need to tell his family that he stole money from you to buy the car and you will have nothing to do with the car or the debt. keep repeating as often as it's mentioned.

DH is a selfish twit wanting to buy another car when you are to be given a run-a-round. He must pay his uncle and yourself back first.

skybluepearl · 12/08/2011 19:33

yes i agree - say you will go to the police

Seabright · 12/08/2011 19:35

Off topic, but what is =/. OP keeps typing it.

JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 12/08/2011 19:36

Oh for the love of god why are you with this idiot?

joric · 12/08/2011 19:38

Don't borrow any money on his behalf in your name ever again.

Tell his DM that he will have to sort this out with his uncle and pay his debt.

Sorry but he sounds like a and he needs to pay his debt :(

KAZAMM · 12/08/2011 19:39

You seem resigned to this behaviour though OP. Do you want to live the rest of your life not knowing what money has been borrowed behind your back because he will do it again. The fact that he's on about getting another car suggests he doesn't care about paying back the existing debt.

I just couldn't put up with that sorry.

Original poster
MetalSian · 12/08/2011 19:39

=/ is a face... look at it sideways.
Sorry I will stop using it... excessive smileys syndrome possibly.

Will talk to him when he decides to bother coming home.

OP posts:
joric · 12/08/2011 19:39

=\ is sad/ thinking

joric · 12/08/2011 19:41

Oh OP, I feel sad for you - he sounds like a law unto himself... Just don't get into debt with him. :(

Pandemoniaa · 12/08/2011 19:42

You need to talk to his mother. Tell her that this whole sorry business was transacted behind your back and part of it involved your partner fraudulently accessing your bank account.

Don't accept that "depression" has any part in it or excuse his behaviour in any way. But do assure your MIL that her son needs help in learning to grasp some of the basic realities of life. Like needing to live within his means. Such help cannot come in the form of you paying off his uncle since you don't actually have the funds to do so anyway.

Original poster
MetalSian · 12/08/2011 19:43

She knows he did it behind my back and doesn't care, all his family know.
Their answer was 'Yeah that sounds like 'DP''.

They don't seem to think matters.

OP posts:
Original poster
MetalSian · 12/08/2011 19:45

And she is the problem, she brought him up like it.
She spends money on things she can't afford, gets herself into debt and doesn't pay it.
Lives off of disability benefits by making her condition seem worse than it is when they come to look, she is ill but not like she makes out.

I wasn't brought up like that.

OP posts:
joric · 12/08/2011 19:47

OP :( The family sound vile. Do you have DC?

Original poster
MetalSian · 12/08/2011 19:50

Yeah 2 year old DS.

His grandparents are fine, but his mum is completely different matter (no dad, he left before DP was born).
But his grandparents make it worse, every time he has ever got himself in trouble (which is alot) they just bail him out pretty much.

And to think I thought he had actually learnt and got better.

OP posts:
Wamster · 12/08/2011 19:50

Regardless of rights and wrongs of this, what the heck has it got to do with your mother-in-law? Confused.
She sounds as if she thinks she has delusions that she is the matriarch of the family. Any normal person would keep out and say that it was between the two brothers to sort out.

FakePlasticTrees · 12/08/2011 19:51

Well, I'd throw him out and tell him you're calling the police in the morning about the stolen £700 unless you get it back there and then, but then I'd have thrown him out and called the police when he first did it, so you've obviously got a higher wanker threshold than me...

joric · 12/08/2011 19:52

What are his good points OP? He sounds like a brat - is he?

Wamster · 12/08/2011 19:52

Sorry, they are not brothers, but the point remains the same: it is between your dp and his uncle to sort out. Your mil sounds a bit mad- your dp and uncle are adults, aren't they? The normal response from a (normal) mil would be: 'Sort it out yourselves'.

Original poster
MetalSian · 12/08/2011 19:53

It is because it is her brother?
Apparently that means that she needs to be involved.

And when the money was taken nearly a year ago I shouldn't think I would be able to report it as stolen could I?

I like high wanker threshold, I think I must have, or am just very naive.

OP posts:
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