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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you do this, or am I a mug?

100 replies

bananapirate · 12/08/2011 12:56

DH is going sailing tomorrow, they go tonight. He's forgotten his sunglasses. they are prescription ones.
He wants me to take them to him.
So I have to go to the station and get on a train for 20 minutes.

thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
bananapirate · 12/08/2011 13:40

well he tried to apologise this morning about the row.
But it was "I'm sorry you got upset"

then he just said "any chance you could meet me" re the glasses, via text. He's been thankful and grateful

or he suggested getting them couriered!!!

also one of the argument points was about money, and he wants me to courier the glasses there?!!! wtf

I am going to take the glasses.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/08/2011 13:42

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where one person wouldn't do the favour, so in your position, OP, I'd take the glasses to him.

However, if he's the one who won't do favours to you, then maybe you need to have a think about what your life's going to be like with him.

QuintessentialShadow · 12/08/2011 13:44

You know, when I was 21, and met dh, I stayed the night at his place a couple of weeks into the relationship. He asked me to make breakfast of scrambled eggs, and toast. He showed me where to find the kitchen. I was irked on so many levels. Not that I am a princess who expects breakfast in bed, but it was HIS house, HIS kitchen (well, he shared a house with some mates). So, I burnt the toast, and made a mess out of the scrambled eggs. I told him I was not really any good at making scrambled eggs and toast, and especially not in an unfamiliar kitchen. I think it set a precedent. He could not take me for granted, and he did not treat me like a mug. Again.

You need to stop letting your man treat you like a mug.

In fact, if I were you, I would go to Waterloo, but be suitably late..... And if he said something, I would point out that most grown ups are able to pack their bags, and remember their own more essential things, or make alternative arrangements, rather than think everybody shall skip when they say jump.

And let it be a lesson. A childish lesson, but a lesson nevertheless.

JustFiveMinutesHAHAHA · 12/08/2011 13:46

'I'm sorry you got upset' is not an apology - it's papering over the cracks to make his life easier and it's actually more like a slap in the face.

OK - well - if you are going to take them, they at least need to come with a 'I suggest that while you are away you take some time to think about what was said last night.... (and hightlight your main issues).... as I do not intend to put up with this anymore. Things are changing around here - one way or another'.

You can't carry on as you have been and he needs to know that one 'sorry you were upset' does not make everything OK.

Original poster
bananapirate · 12/08/2011 13:50

I don't know how it has happened Quint, I really don't

It could have a lot to do with being a SAHM. He thinks I have it easy.
Or it could just be that he is a self-centred bastard, and I didn't spot it.

I have read a lot of threads over the last couple of days, and I realise my life is not how I want it to be.

I have to figure out how to change it

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 12/08/2011 13:57

You had an argument about him expecting you to be at his beck and call.
He deepened your anger with a non-apology.
He TEXTS (not CALLS!) you to bring his sunglasses to him, therefore expecting you to be at his beck and call.

Sheesh. I don't honestly know if I'd take the 'fuck him' route, or take them and use the incident to hammer home the point. Either way, I'd deeply resent him and be nursing my anger until he got home. I do not envy you OP.

Overall, I think I'd text him to call me and give him the opportunity to accept your POV re the beck and call issue. It's possible he might redeem himself.

Yama · 12/08/2011 13:58

I would do it for my dh (without hesitation) but I wouldn't do it for yours.

27tilly · 12/08/2011 14:01

Mu dh forgot his passport when he went to Vegas last year... I had to drive 2 hours to the airport.. At 1am... I still have not forgiven him. Twat that he is.... Seriously who forgets their passport???!!!!

ImperialBlether · 12/08/2011 14:04

Quint, surely a better lesson for your new boyfriend would have been a sweet smile and "You must be joking. I'm your guest. You should be cooking for me." Don't you think?

You taught him you were a crap cook, not that you were someone not to be messed with!

Whatmeworry · 12/08/2011 14:06

If it was anything except sailing at Cowes Week I'd tell him to bugger off, but this is the Sacred Time (DH and DSs are also sailing nuts - hard to sail without sunglasses tbh).

titchy · 12/08/2011 14:10

Do it - but take the wrong glasses......

scottishmummy · 12/08/2011 14:14

dont listen to juvenile advice some given
you had a row.mooooooove on.dont carry gripe and grudge.take him the specs

PattySimcox · 12/08/2011 14:14

I often do lots of running round for DH, but he was always appreciative, kind and considerate and is equally happy to put himself out for me.

Yours sounds quite selfish and whilst I would do it, I would make it known that I was not happy doing it, or with his treatment of me.

You say it is only 20mins, but do you have to trail small DCs with you?

QuintessentialShadow · 12/08/2011 14:33

(ImperialBlether, yes, but from then on, I got breakfast in bed every day, yummy scrambled eggs and toast! He never expected me to cook a single meal, until the time I actually wanted to cook for him. My culinary skills therefore came as a great surprise for him. He did realize he could not mess with me, from my non-apologetic attitude over the breakfast calamit! Wink )

QuintessentialShadow · 12/08/2011 14:33
Blush
izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 12/08/2011 14:34

As he's going off on a jolly, I doubt that your dh will spend his time thinking about your last words to him if you turn up with a cat's bum face and a list of demands.

I'd paste a smile on my face, hand the glasses to him, say 'here you go, have a good time', look at my watch and say 'must dash, bye' and leave him standing there while I made my way to the return train.

Feeling angry and resentful while your dh is away is not going to do you any good at all, OP, and your discontent may spoil the whole weekend for you and your dc.

Put your anger to one side (it won't stray and you can take it up again whenever) and start thinking about what positive changes you can make to get closer to the life you want.

Continue to read these boards for general advice and inspiration, or ask for suggestions more pertinent to your specific situation and, once you have a clear idea of what you want and what needs to change for you to be happier in your role of SAHM, find time to be alone with your dh and discuss your feelings in a calm and reasonable manner.

scottishmummy · 12/08/2011 14:35

if i meant myself i'd say so duffus
clearly i mean all the oh and another thing psoters

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 12/08/2011 14:36

I'd do it.

And as I handed them over, I'd say "See. I told you I am at your beck and call! You text for sunglasses and I hop on a train. Oh Lord and Master." Then turn and walk off before he had a chance to say anything.

But I'm petty and a bit of a bitch who just loves to get the last word in Grin

harassedandherbug · 12/08/2011 14:36

I'd do it for my dh....... but not sure about yours!

However, sailing without sunglasses is no fun at all even if it's not brilliant sunshine. Is he proper sailing or just a passenger??

Thumbwitch · 12/08/2011 14:44

SM - Quint was referring to herself, not your self. Hence the blush.

scottishmummy · 12/08/2011 14:47

made no sense to me.creepy wee brackets and humphy face.hardly surprising

QuintessentialShadow · 12/08/2011 14:48

you need to learn creative reading.then it makes sense.

Thumbwitch · 12/08/2011 14:52

How odd - it made perfect sense. I'd have thought you'd been here long enough to understand the blush face, SM.

scottishmummy · 12/08/2011 14:54

no,the creepy wee brackets,humphy face render it gibberish
perhaps only resonant to the author

ChrisPBacon · 12/08/2011 15:00

Does he have a pa at work?
Is he used to buying things for his company on large contracts?

If so he may have enormously high expectations for the service levels that you need to provide as a contractor or employee.

What, you say you are his wife?
Oh.

In that case I would be otherwise engaged for thae glasses hangover meeting. It's more dignified not to act like the help, even if he thinks you are the help.