To think if you're invited to someone's house to eat...

[WynkenBlynken]

... they cater for you?

About 4 years ago I decided to only eat halal meat. My mum has always provided me with a veggie option if we go there, and more recently (since my DD has been weaned) she has bought halal meat for us (for which I am extremely grateful for, and make sure she knows this).

However this year we have been to 5 bbq's/meals where me and my DD (16 months) have either had to bring our own food or have gone without the main part of the meal.

The first time we were at my friends and we went hungry, the second time (at another friends) I called ahead, just to be on the safe side, and was told I'd have to bring my own food as they didn't have anything for us. This happened another time and then again at my sisters where she invited us for a roast but was told to bring my own chicken!

I genuinly don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not?! The only reason I ask is because we are going to my sisters for a bbq at the weekend and I just know I will have to bring my own again.

I probably should add that all my close friends and family have known about this from when I made the decision to change and I am more than happy to eat veggie food as I do not expect anyone to buy us halal meat, but just think that a veggie alternative should be offered... shouldn't it?!

I always make sure I cater for any guests I invite to my house, as I thought that was the done thing? I'd be mortified if someone had to bring their own food to my house!

If you all think I'm being unreasonable then I will accept that, I just want to know what your views/experiences are?

I think it's quite normal for vegetarians not to want to eat food cooked on the same grill as meat! Maybe some don't mind, but many do

He had offered them a part of a large grill and wouldn't cook meat there until they were finished, which I thought was NU. Most were OK with that.

What settled it for me was when it was clear most people with various flavours of veggie diets diets didn't want to cater for our DC ( who at that time were pure carnivores) so I decided to treat them as they treated others. Sorted.

Hmmm, don't know whether you are BU or not. It seems difficult to imagine a BBQ where there's no salad, rolls, potatoes, cheese, etc. Also, is it not standard practice to take something with you to a BBQ anyway?

But, yes, if they know you only eat halal/veggie then why not do veggie, or why bother to invite you to a meal you couldn't eat?

I love, love, love it when people tell me before they come what they can and can't eat - it narrows down what I have to choose from to cook for them. The very most irritating guests are those who say 'Oh, we eat everything' and then leave the fricking olives/anchovies/artichoke on the side of their plates. Arrrrrrrrgh. I'd have cooked something you would have enjoyed!

Whatmeworry - i can see why your DP was pissed off with that! I am veggie, but as long as i know effort has been made to ensure the meat isn't cooked on the same part ofthe barbecue, i'm fine.

Wynken (OP one) - yanbu - they have managed to cater for you with vegge food for years, why the hell they can't keep doing that is beyond

Oh I'm with you on that Lemon

Wilson: So nice to be cooking a meal for 'people who eat everything'
People who eat everything: Except mushrooms
Wilson: Tries to pretend mushrooms are really button onions. Bangs head.

hmmmm. I am vegetarian and I always offer to bring something with me as I don't want people to go to any extra effort. when people come to my house I cook veggie food or if my OH is contributing at all then there may be meat...so my point is that I don't cater for meat eaters particularly so I don't expect them to cater for me.

almost always people make something veggie and happily accept whatever I bring. but I am good cook, if I say so myself, so my food goes down well with everyone anyway :-)

If I were you i wouldn't expect Halal meat, some people have a real problem with it, but would always offer to take some veggie option of pasta salad, rice salad etc...

there's nothing wrong with offering to bring something, but if she never had to before, and the hosts have not told her she should, then she should expect that she'll be fed.

Here's the way it's supposed to work - they invite you to an event, you say yay or nay. At that point they should ask "Is there anything you don't eat?" and you can tell them of your dietary requirement, and they should cater as far as they are able to.

However if they don't ask you or can't/won't cater for you, then you should just eat what you can and go grab some food afterwards without complaining, and that it into account next time they invite you to something.

Personally I would always provide a veggie alternative anyway as I wouldn't have the first clue about where to buy halal meat.

This point has probably been made but I would simply be too tired to prepare something additional/alternative if I was hosting some sort of party. I am not a great host though!

I think a lot of people don't like halal meat and I'd be uncomfortable buying it. Particularly so if the person wasn't actually Muslim. That said I wouldn't let them go hungry and would get veggie/fish stuff for them. BBQs are sometimes slightly different as often people bring stuff compared to a sit down dinner when the host would usually provide.

I wouldn't buy or cook ANY meat for you, much less halal, but you'd be catered for with vegetarian food. I can see the argument in not providing you with halal meat (welfare grounds) but not for denying you anything appropriate to eat.

Having said that, I'm vegan and my DC are vegetarian. I know it's a PITA for folk and would happily supply food for us or just eat the veg (assuming they've not been cooked in meat fats etc) when visiting friends.

If you are inviting people over to eat then surely, it's common courtesy to check whether they have any particular dietary requests. If someone can't be bothered to accommodate perfectly reasonable choices like vegetarianism then I question why they'd invite people over for a meal in the first place. Halal meat might be more difficult to source but if people are perfectly happy with a veggie option then the host shouldn't have any problem offering one.

As for BBQs, you usually take something anyway unless your hosts say otherwise - last week we were at a BBQ where all the (delicious) food was provided but they asked people to bring drink. Also, it has become fairly usual to cook veggie food on a separate grill or, if this isn't possible, to cook it before the meat. So that's not an unreasonable expectation either.

To find yourself at a BBQ where nothing acceptable was on offer would be a bit of a surprise, tbh since there are always rolls, salad, cheeses etc. Or at least there are at the sort of BBQs I go to!

So YANBU in expecting to find something you could eat at a BBQ and certainly not unreasonable in expecting a veggie alternative without the host making a palaver over it.

OP, it sounds like you are giving rather mixed messages, especially if family and friends have been used to you eating non halal meat, and you are not (yet) a Muslim yourself. I'd simplify and just ask for veggie food - no excuse these days not to be able to do something easy and simple for a BBQ or for a sit down meal.

Personally, I wouldn't have halal (or any ritually slaughtered) meat in the house.

We frequently cater for veggies/vegans for both BBQs (and sit downs) in fact are doing one on Monday, depending on the weather. I usually do some nice salads - how does roasted butternut squash with a maple drizzle on rocket sound? Some home made hummus and flat breads (I love my breadmaker). Big plate of baked portobello mushrooms with garlic butter (or do with oil for vegans). Tsatsiki. Smoked tofu and vegetable kebabs. A dish of roasted vegetable cous cous. Most people would enjoy that and would be happy to have that as a meal with an optional meat or fish item as well. And obviously a veggie/vegan pud. Most of the things I've listed would be easy to make ahead and are portable too, if you're going to someone elses.

"Wilson: So nice to be cooking a meal for 'people who eat everything'
People who eat everything: Except mushrooms
Wilson: Tries to pretend mushrooms are really button onions. Bangs head."

Oh Wilson I think I know the same people.

Not sure... I have been veggie for nearly 25 years and am just grateful to get fed sometimes! If you're not in an area where people can easily get halal then I wouldn't expect it tbh, but these days, most peole can manage a nice veggie dish.

I have cooked it for guests though and I though they were going to pass out when I dished it up and told them that it was actually halal, and that I had specially got it for them. I am veggie, but have no problems with people eating meat or cooking it (DS is an omnivore - will, and does eat anything)

Why did you decide to go halal?

I've not forgotten the night me and ex-h had a friend round to dinner with her new boyfriend. Much had been made of his vegetarianism - not really necessary since we didn't eat much meat anyway and I was well on the way to giving up a carnivorous diet - but apparently he also "ate everything" provided it was veggie.

This oik wasn't blessed with any sort of manners, it turned out, let alone table manners. So when he'd been persuaded to put the newspaper down and sit at the dinner table he sulked for a minute before throwing the sort of strop I'd be surprised to get from a 2 year old. As the salad and home-made veggie quiche arrived he screeched, "Urrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! It's fucking green stuff, I fucking hate green veg". This from the man who "ate everything".

I'm afraid that I did not offer an alternative. I'm still not sorry.

Pandemoniaa - don't bloody blame you!
how rude to say he eats anything and then refuses green stuff!
like my dad would say "a bloody vegetarian that doesn't eat vegetables!"

I think a lot of people don't like halal meat and I'd be uncomfortable buying it. Particularly so if the person wasn't actually Muslim

Could never tell the diference between Halal and Kosher so used them interchangeably. What they don't know can't hurt them :o

I don't understand why people have a problem with Halal method of slaughter. No method of slaughter is 100% cruelty free. Muslims/Jewish people believe that animals have to be slaughtered in a certain way. Surely that makes them more likely to do the slaughtering carefully?

Conventional methods of slaughtering are not necessarily cruelty free and attempts to stun the animal before killing it can just mean it is caused more distress. I realise this isn't an unbiased source but anyway:
www.viva.org.uk/campaigns/slaughter/index.htm

If you really care that much about conditions of animal slaughter that you won't buy or serve halal meat, surely you shouldn't eat meat at all unless you know exactly where it comes from and how it was killed, like if you or a member of your family has killed the animal?? (Not being deliberately controversial, just don't get why people think one method is so much worse than any other when both can go wrong and consequently be very cruel.)

It is a very ancient way of slaughter. Referred to in the Bible as well as the Quaran (sp). My sister (who is a health and safety engineer) often refers to the Bible as the first ever Health and Safety manual. Pork was not eaten due to some parasites living in the hooves who could be fatal to humans. In the same wein (pardon the pun) this way of slaughter was part of ensuring paracite free and "healthy" meat free of disease. Not sure the health and safety aspect is valid still, but is part of tradition though.

yabu,a pain in the arse, take your own food.if i was as contrite as you i wouldnt even expect amyone to cater for me.

The RSPCA's point of view here

There are some very interesting points in everything you are all saying and I will take a lot of it on board!

In answer to why I only eat halal if I'm not Muslim, I have been with DP just over 5 years, in those years I have done a lot of reading and research and I personally believe halal to be 'less cruel' and the thought of stunning an animal turns my stomach! I also wanted to make sure I learn as much as possible before I do revert to Islam, and make sure I do it for the correct reasons. As and when I do revert my lifestyle will not change as I do already live as though I am Muslim, it's just not official yet!

I am also aware people have their own views and opinions and I happen to be very open minded, so I really am interested in your views.

Back to the point though, I spoke to my sister earlier to see if she wants me to bring anything for her bbq this weekend, and surprisingly she said no and they have bought halal meat as it was cheaper in tesco then the meat they normally buy! I didn't expect that!!

But from now on I will mention to anyone who asks that we are veggie and if they don't ask I will bring my own without fuss!!

If it was a BBQ, I would be taking food with me anyway. If it is for a dinner then I would just let the host know that you are vegetarian.

I wouldn't buy Halal meat for anyone and if you were coming to my home for dinner, I would serve you a vegetarian meal. I certainy do not feel that you should take your own food, nor should you go hungry

When you have guests for dinner that are non Halal meat eaters, do you tell them the meat is Halal?

So revert - you were muslim? Did you eat halal then before? Grilled Hallumi cheese with cherry toms is fab on a bbq!

Glad your sister thought to get something for you - that's a nice touch. Do you eat pork at all? Are prawns halal? Sorry if thats a dumb question, but I know a lot of Jewish folk and there does seem to be some crossover in the foods (not the prep though - this can be very very complex sometimes with very religious folk!)