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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you're invited to someone's house to eat...

105 replies

WynkenBlynken · 12/08/2011 10:07

... they cater for you?

About 4 years ago I decided to only eat halal meat. My mum has always provided me with a veggie option if we go there, and more recently (since my DD has been weaned) she has bought halal meat for us (for which I am extremely grateful for, and make sure she knows this).

However this year we have been to 5 bbq's/meals where me and my DD (16 months) have either had to bring our own food or have gone without the main part of the meal.

The first time we were at my friends and we went hungry, the second time (at another friends) I called ahead, just to be on the safe side, and was told I'd have to bring my own food as they didn't have anything for us. This happened another time and then again at my sisters where she invited us for a roast but was told to bring my own chicken!

I genuinly don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not?! The only reason I ask is because we are going to my sisters for a bbq at the weekend and I just know I will have to bring my own again.

I probably should add that all my close friends and family have known about this from when I made the decision to change and I am more than happy to eat veggie food as I do not expect anyone to buy us halal meat, but just think that a veggie alternative should be offered... shouldn't it?!

I always make sure I cater for any guests I invite to my house, as I thought that was the done thing? I'd be mortified if someone had to bring their own food to my house!

If you all think I'm being unreasonable then I will accept that, I just want to know what your views/experiences are?

OP posts:
PrincessScrumpy · 12/08/2011 11:17

Would you cook burgers and sausages if they came to your bbq?

Carrotsandcelery · 12/08/2011 11:18

I am a vegetarian and people usually try to be accommodating but sometimes just cannot get their heads around it.

I have had a friend, who was raised vegetarian, express surprise that my ds couldn't eat a lamb chop for tea if he ate it at their house. She thought I was being rude when I said he couldn't. He had to take his own tea in a pot.

I always accept that, since I have made the choice to eat "differently" I will take my own or eat bizarre combinations of sides etc.

exoticfruits · 12/08/2011 11:20

I wouldn't provide halal meat because a, I wouldn't know where to get it and b, I don't agree with the method of killing.
I can't see any difficulty with a veggie option, it is quite simple.

I would just take your own, we tend to do that with vegan friends because the chances of them catering for anything outside their own diet is nil.

Journey · 12/08/2011 11:22

YABU. It's rude not to eat what the host has provided.

cheesesarnie · 12/08/2011 11:24

journey,even if the host knows that because of your beliefs you dont eat what they are providing?
i assume you also think it rude to take an alternative?

WilsonFrickett · 12/08/2011 11:28

I wouldn't serve Halal - don't agree with the method of slaughter and to be honest the halal butchers around here are a bit intimidating. But I used to be veggie so would be completely happy to do a veggie option.

Have you been clear that a veggie option is the preferred option?

Have you reminded people when you accepted the invitation??? It is really difficult to remember everyone's different fads dietary requirements. Just having a conversation with a friend four years ago doesn't mean that friend will have remembered and they could have been curled up with embarrassment the whole time that they hadn't provided something for you. I have been eating meat for three years now and most people still think I'm veggie, because remembering my dietary requirements isn't their top priority, funnily enough.

And we always take something to a BBQ, always. But not to a dinner party.

Laquitar · 12/08/2011 11:28

Since you are not expecting halal meat and you are happy with vegetarian YANBU. They could do couple of vegetarian sausages.

We had 3 vegetarians ones at a bbq and they finished all the potato salad and the hallumi. The veggie sausages come cheaper than the hallumi. (tight hostess)

Sharney · 12/08/2011 11:29

If you were my good friend and I had invited you to my home for a meal or a celebration I would provide for you at the very least a hearty veggie main dish. That is not in my opinion the slightest bit difficult. If you insisted on being provided with a Halal meal then YABU but you're not, so you're not.

trixymalixy · 12/08/2011 11:33

Minipie, it's really not that hard to cater for dairy free veggie, Thai vegetable curry is my staple, look on vegan websites for inspiration. There's a fabulous dairy free cheesecake recipe on parsleysoup.com.

exoticfruits · 12/08/2011 11:34

I suspect they are confused -you might find it easier for invitations to say that you are vegetarian.

skybluepearl · 12/08/2011 11:38

Doesn't everyone bring something to fling on the barbie? Can't see the problem with you taking veggie sausages.

Set formal meals are different though - they should cater for veggie/non veggie. I don't think you can expect people to buy halal though.

avacat · 12/08/2011 11:51

Two articles discussing whether halal slaughter is cruel:

www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2010/sep/20/halal-meat-the-truth
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/2977086.stm

I do serve halal meat to my Muslim guests, as it is easily available where I am, but do worry about if there is cruelty involved. I am still not sure. However, it's easy to serve fish or a vegetarian option, so OP I think YANBU.

Wossisface · 12/08/2011 11:55

Hi haven't read all messages so sorry if this has already been said. But I have been veggie all my life my mum and dad have been veggie for 40 years. I would always bring my own food to a BBQ otherwise i expect nothing but salad etc. At our bbqs everyone usually brings along something. So I think u are being a tad unreasonable for expecting people to cater for u. Unless you are invited for a sit down meal thats different for some reason Smile. Then i would expect the host to cater for me obviously telling them in advanced that I do not eat meat.

Booboostoo · 12/08/2011 11:56

Interesting and varied responses. I always ask my guests about any dietary preferences/requirements and would cater for veggie, vegan, halal, allergies and avoid things people did not like eating - the whole point of having guests over is to give them a good time! If people wanted to bring a gift that would be welcome but I would not rely on the guests to bring food to feed themselves with.

Original poster
WynkenBlynken · 12/08/2011 12:11

Thanks for all your views, you have made some good points.

I think you're right in saying I may have confused things by bringing the halal into it, maybe I should just go down the route of saying we're just veggie so it doesn't confuse matters.

I may have to remind my friends of it next time, although if they know my DP is going (very very rarely - he works every weekend) then they do ask what he eats! I think it may also be a case of forgetting, a lot of my friends I have known over 20 years, so have known me longer to eat 'normal' meat!

When I have people round to mine we have a mixed variety - fish, lamb, chicken sausages etc.

I will be converting/reverting to Islam next year when me and my DP marry, so maybe it will be a bit more clean cut then!

And I just wanted to clarify again, I would never expect people to buy halal for us, I'm not that unreasonable!

I think I will now always offer to bring something with me, I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, it's just it has happened quite a lot recently so just wondered what everyone thought!

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 12/08/2011 12:12

its a bbq i ask if it would make sense for me to bring a disposable bbq as i wont eat it if its been cooked together

It's when someone wanted to do just that, that DH snapped re the BBQ I mentioned (he had just built a BBQ area, pride and joy etc). We had other veggie friends who didn't have that requirement fwiw.

sparechange · 12/08/2011 12:22

Presumably your friends know you aren't Muslim, so will assume there is no good reason that they should buy halal meat for you?

Personally, I will only buy and eat organic meat and most of my friends know this, but I would never in a million years expect them to go out and buy it especially for me, or make something different to accomodate me.
It isn't a religious or health decision, it is my personal choice about the food I will and won't eat. A bit like Geri Halliwell going through a phase of only eating yellow food, or whatever it was.

I think the same applies for your situation.

mayorquimby · 12/08/2011 12:30

bbq no
dinner party yes

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 12/08/2011 12:41

Why, if you've not yet reverted, do you want to eat halal meat?

I say that not to atack your beliefs or your freedom to choose them, but because I genuinely don't understand...

Catslikehats · 12/08/2011 12:41

Inviting someone round abd then not catering for them if you are catering for the other guests is just bloody rude.

Ephiny · 12/08/2011 12:44

I think it's quite normal for vegetarians not to want to eat food cooked on the same grill as meat! Maybe some don't mind, but many do.

minipie · 12/08/2011 12:46

Thanks Trixy and quint.

overmydeadbody · 12/08/2011 12:48

YANBU

If people invite you over for a meal, they need to feed you, simple.

It's not hard to cater for veggies, I am shocked people like your sister can't manage that.

overmydeadbody · 12/08/2011 12:51

I think, if I was in your situation though, where I was not muslim but chose to eat halal meat (like someone choosing to only eat organic meat) I would eat whatever meat was offered when I went to other people's houses, apart from pork.

That said, if you are invited to someone's house for a meal it is very rude of them not to feed you.

Cheria · 12/08/2011 12:53

I would provide you with veggie option, but would not buy halal meat.

If you go to BBQs in your place I woudl take your own meat - some people really don't agree with halal and you need to accept that.