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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to take eleven year old dd to ultrasound scan

30 replies

Crazybit · 11/08/2011 21:25

More wwyd. Dd, aged 11 is desperate to come to my dating scan, she wants to be a mw and is fascinated by anything to do with childbirth/babies. OH will be away so I will be going alone. I had a scan last week due to spotting and all was fine so thinking the chances of there being a problem is not high, although a possibility. The appointment letter asks that bringing children is avoided although one other adult is welcome. I don't mind going alone but it would mean so much to dd to go. In two minds...there is of course the possibility that they wouldn't let her come in anyway when we got there too. What does MN jury think?

OP posts:

pigletmania · 11/08/2011 21:28

I would take her, I had to take dd 4.5 years to a scan at EPAU when I started bleeding (nothing to worry about), and to the dating scan as there was nobody there to look after her.

AgentZigzag · 11/08/2011 21:30

I think they mean really little children if they might be a distraction.

We took DD1 to DD2s scan when she was 9 YO and it was fine.

I would just have a word with her beforehand saying the scan's to check everything's OK, insinuating it might not be but without saying it.

StrandedBear · 11/08/2011 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anifrangapani · 11/08/2011 21:31

We took dd - she was 2 and a bit. Had to put up with her lifting my shirt and "scanning" me with the TV remote each time I lay down on the sofa.

Sharney · 11/08/2011 21:31

Go for it. What a great experience for you both.

ajandjjmum · 11/08/2011 21:31

Difficult Crazybit. It would be a really good learning experience for her - and presumably make her feel part of the whole thing, which would be lovely.

However, we were give bad news at a scan, and certainly couldn't have coped with having a child with us.

Maybe she could accompany you on the basis that she would not come in with you. You could then check with the medics and let her come in if everything was ok.

BikeRunSki · 11/08/2011 21:32

My hospital will let children come to scan, but want to see the mother first and do scan to make sure that everything is OK first, then older sibs are allowed to come in and see.

Ivortheengine8 · 11/08/2011 21:33

I would take her, I had to take my toddler in (although I kept her contained in her pram) Your 11 year old won't be running around or making a nuisance so I would if she wants to go. I think its lovely that she wants to be so involved and I would encourage that as much as possible.

spookshowangel · 11/08/2011 21:34

i was having this discussion the other day with dp and i have decided against because i once took her when much younger because i couldnt get a sitter and i was saying look you are going to see your brother or sister and it turns out i had miscarried. it was a difficult situation or perhaps get her to wait out side at first the ask them to get her to come in.
i suppose i may be being a bit morbid and i am sure that everything will be fine for you and me but i wouldnt want that memory for my daughter just in case it wasnt.

AuntiePickleBottom · 11/08/2011 21:38

go for it, sounds like a excited big sister-to-be

plinkplonk · 11/08/2011 21:39

I agree with spook. Things can go wrong so for me it would be unthinkable to take a child along.

iggii · 11/08/2011 21:44

Can you cope with it if you get bad news during the scan? I would not want a DC there to see my initial reaction to that news.
Having her brought in if all is well might work, as others have suggested.

ENormaSnob · 11/08/2011 21:47

I wouldn't in case of bad news.

LaWeasel · 11/08/2011 21:51

I probably would given her interest, but prepare her the possibility that sometimes scans = bad news. She is 11, and interested in the medical side, so I doubt she would be unduly upset by witnessing bad news as opposed to being told it later.

budgieshell · 11/08/2011 21:54

Congratulations. I think this is a wonderful idea. At 11 years old she will gain a lot more than a younger child. This is different but my dd told her dentist she wanted to be a dentist when she grew up. The dentist was wonderful explained what he was doing and why. I learned a lot and the dentist seemed really interested in talking to her. So go for it and tell her not to be fightened to ask questions, I'm sure if this is not ok they will tell her gently. You could explain why she is so interested.

Original poster

Crazybit · 11/08/2011 21:58

Thanks for the replies. Yes, it does worry me that I get bad news and she will be devestated, as would I, but I am prepared for the eventuality of there being a problem, . Also, I had to take 3 yo dd to the emergency one, although she had no interest, preferred her bag of sweets that where produced as we entered, but dd1 is gutted that she didn't go, we didn't tell her till afterwards. I think unless I can think of another reason not to..and ask that she can come in after the initial checks.

OP posts:

Dozer · 11/08/2011 22:01

I wouldn't personally, in case of bad news, would be v hard having to manage your reaction with dd there, and it'd be hard for her too. Chances are that all will be well, but wouldn't just in case. maybe she could attend later midwife appointments to hear heartbeat etc.

DrCoconut · 11/08/2011 22:12

My MW positively encouraged me to take DS1, then aged 11, to my scan when I was pregnant with DS2. As it happens he decided not to go (but loves his brother now!) but we were going to have the scan while he waited and then bring him in if he had come.

4madboys · 11/08/2011 22:20

i would and did take my 11 yr old ds, he was also present at his little sisters birth!

i think at 11 she is old enough to know that there is the possibility of bad news and as long as you have talked to her about this beforehand then i see no reason for her not to go with you :)

good luck

DeWe · 11/08/2011 22:53

I had my dd1 with me at the 20 week scan when they discovered an abnormality with dd2. Luckily the people handled it well for us, but I think if she'd been older and more aware of such things (nearly 3yo) it would have been harder having her there. But I have heard of how other people have been told similar news to us, and when it's been handled badly it could be very traumatic for an 11yo.

skybluepearl · 11/08/2011 23:48

Despite a good 8 week scan, i had bad news at my 12 week scan and it was heart breaking for DS (5) and myself. I was so upset but was glad DS knew the upset was about the baby and not him - there was no way i could hide the pregnancy (morning sickness) or how heartbreaking it was. He was so lovely and we muddled through together some how and then further down the line celebrated the birth of his sibling. Although it was hard it was also very bonding. We felt very close and pulled together.

FunkyChicken · 12/08/2011 00:44

We had DS (3.5) with us at 12 week scan (no choice as our usual child carers not available). Sadly baby turned out to be already dead. It worked out ok as he didn't really understand (we were going to tell him afterwards) - we just said mummy had a very bad tummy ache which was hurting - to explain me crying. Having him with us in the hours afterwards in hospital was a real comfort at that difficult time. Lots of cuddles and kisses to 'make me better'. He was well behaved so no problem for other patients or staff.
Whether things are fine - which they are most likely to be - or not, having your daughter with you could be a positive experience in my opinion. But you know her and your own relationship with her so trust your own judgement on whats best for you both would be my advice.

skeletonbones · 12/08/2011 00:52

I think it would be very interesting for an 11 year old. and I guess if she is interested in midwifery/childbirth ect she knows a bit about the fact that some pregnancies unfortunately do not go as planned? If it was me I would do as ajandjjsmum said and take her with me and have the initial bit done alone and ask if she can come in and look if all is well, as she is old enough at 11 so sit outside sensibly and read or what have you while you do the first bit.

Original poster

Crazybit · 16/08/2011 23:04

Just to update, I did take dd. MW was lovely about her being there and answered some of her questions and all was fine with the baby also :)

OP posts:

SpamMarie · 17/08/2011 07:57

Good for you, hope it was a useful experience for your daughter too.

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