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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

This isn't really an AIBU, but a 'what should I do' to avoid being unreasonable...

24 replies

G1nger · 10/08/2011 14:01

My best friend sold me a bunch of baby stuff really - she needed the money, and asked for less than I gave her. One of the things she gave/sold me turns out to be from a quite expensive range of products, and because I've decided I don't want it I'm selling it on Ebay.

The question is this: should I offer her all of the profit made on it, or is half okay? I don't want her feeling hard done by. I'd prefer to split the profit equally, but is this unreasonable? Should I just give it all to her?

Thanks.

OP posts:

picnicbasketcase · 10/08/2011 14:04

Offer half. You have paid her for the stuff already - if she had given it to you and you then made a profit, that would be out of order, but offering her some of it is a kind gesture.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/08/2011 14:11

Didn't she know it was expensive when she gave it to you? It's sounds like you bought it fair and square to me.

Original poster

G1nger · 10/08/2011 14:15

No, I don't think she did know what it's worth, really. In fact, she was pretty apologetic about including it because she didn't think it was really useful. I assume someone gave it to her without telling her what it was worth.

OP posts:

Whatmeworry · 10/08/2011 14:16

Give her half, she needs money. It's what friends do.

JarethTheGoblinKing · 10/08/2011 14:16

IMO because you paid her for it you can,sell it for whatever you like. If she'd given it to you then split the profits.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/08/2011 14:18

What is it? Is it a Bumbo or something?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 10/08/2011 14:20

Heh, interesting WGME, I sold my bumbo to someone for £10, when she didnt need it anymore she put it on eBay and it went for £20! Ho hum...

Mind you, when she mentioned she was selling some quite valuable stuff recently which id given to her I asked for it back as I know someone else who will benefit from it

Original poster

G1nger · 10/08/2011 14:21

Well that's the thing, you see. She does still need the money, whereas I don't. And I also know I'll end up telling her that I've sold it - I always come out with things eventually - so it really is a question of how much to give, and not whether to give.

OP posts:

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/08/2011 14:22

Jareth I really wanted a Bumbo but couldn't afford one and when I looked on Ebay they cost as much as new! I now have Bumbo issues! You were right to ask for the stuff back if you had only given it to her rather then sold it. She sounds a bit cheeky!

Original poster

G1nger · 10/08/2011 14:23

It's not a bumbo - it's some odd bit of technology that claims to purify air in the baby's room. (Hence why she was apologetic about including it, and why I'm not wishing to keep it!)

I definitely wouldn't sell anything anyone's given me, unless to give them the entire profits made.

OP posts:

JarethTheGoblinKing · 10/08/2011 14:23

Mention it to her, say that you're selling it and that you're expecting quite a good price, and offer her half if you're happy to do so?

EdithWeston · 10/08/2011 14:24

You sound lovely - quietly helping your friend by paying more than she asked. I am therefore assuming that a) you don't have great need of the money yourself and b) you would like to help her again and the crux of the question is how to give her the money tactfully.

I suggest a phased approach - mention in conversation that as you've realised you won't be needing XYZ, you'll eBay it. Later, tell her it's attracting higher bids than you expected (this may prove true). Then, when you know how much it went for, tell her how amazed you are and just give her "her" share as if that were the arrangement all along.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/08/2011 14:24

Well if you really don't need the money (lucky you!) then why not ask her what she thinks. You could ask her if she wants to split the profit or suggest giving it to charity.

Is there anything which you know for sure she really needs? Was thinking you could spend the profit on a helpful gift for her (only something you are 100% sure she needs though otherwise it will be a waste!)

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 10/08/2011 14:25

Love, if she needs the money and you don't, I think your question is answered.

TimeWasting · 10/08/2011 14:25

Half. You'll feel bad otherwise.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 10/08/2011 14:26

I'd offer half, she isn't expecting anything so any amount is a nice surprise!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 10/08/2011 14:26

That's a good idea Edith

yoshiLunk · 10/08/2011 14:27

I think the really nice thing to do would be to cover your listing/selling/posting fees (and maybe a quid or two for your trouble and the fact you paid her already ) - and give her the rest - it will come as a nice surprise, which it sounds like she could do with. And do you really want to make a profit out of her ignorance of the item's value when she could really do with the money?

Original poster

G1nger · 10/08/2011 14:31

Okay, thanks everyone. Let's see what it goes for then. At the moment, it's only for a small amount, but that's not unusual before the hour in which the auction ends, and it has a lot of watchers. I think I'll just give her the lot because she really should have sold it herself anyway.

Thanks everyone. I think I needed the push to do this, as it's still so tempting to take half. But she really does need it more than me, and that's what it comes down to.

OP posts:

jasper · 10/08/2011 14:32

are you sure it will sell on ebay?
I'd give her all the money , if you do sell it.
Sounds like she chucked it in as part of a job lot, or do I misunderstand?

She 'e poor, you're not. That's what friends do.

jasper · 10/08/2011 14:33

just saw your reply. Good on you. SHare the love

Original poster

G1nger · 10/08/2011 14:34

Job-lot, yes. It's definitely going for at least a tenner so far ;) but we shall see...

OP posts:

Catslikehats · 10/08/2011 14:36

I'd give her all the money.

You don't need the money she does - you're friends. No brainer for me.

maighdlin · 10/08/2011 15:24

half seems fair to be. your being nice to your friend and you keep half for going through all the bother to sell it. i mean you bought the stuff not knowing and its a bonus that some of it it worth something. your friend is probably in a shit situation that she couldn't do it herself and needed the money, plus she was being nice to you and helping you out by selling them to you in the first place.

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